A joke compertion?!
Question: i will see who has the best joke to tell me family i will use all of them to see which one makes my family laugh most you can only use one of your best jokes and the prize is 10 pionts good luck evreyone1
Answers: i will see who has the best joke to tell me family i will use all of them to see which one makes my family laugh most you can only use one of your best jokes and the prize is 10 pionts good luck evreyone1
once there were two brothers that lived in the same room.
They had only one bed and it was a bunk bed.
The younger brother slept on the bottom and the older brother slept on the top.
One day thet oldest brother brings back a girl from school and they go to his house.
He sees his little brother listening to music on the bottom bunk.
So then they climb to the top and the boy tells the girl,"To not let my brother know what we are doing say lettuce when you want it faster and tomatoe when you want to change a position."
So then the girl says lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe!!!
And the little brother under them says can you guys stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise all over my face!
Why is Santa so happy?
He knows where all the bad girls are.
why do you take two Baptist with you when you go fishing?
If you just take one he"ll drink all your beer.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
Edit:: Sarah, its what do you call a black priest?
what do u call a black priest on top of a church?
holy sh*t
theres a blonde a brunette and a red head
they all died so they're in purgatory waiting to go to heaven
God says okay there are 100 stairs i will tell u a joke on each one
if you laugh you will fall down to hell
so first the red head goes and gets to the 21st stair and laughs and falls
next the brunette who gets to the 62nd step and falls
last the blonde
she gets to the 100th step but then starts to chuckle
before she fell God said whyd u start laughing now
she said i just got the first joke
lol
haha the sandwidch one
oh yh.... ermMM MY JOKE::
(you have to tell it liek its you saying it)
I once went to this zoo and all the time i was walking around I didn't see ONE animal!?
all the cages looked just EMPTY.
The only thing i could find was this little puppy hiding behind a dustbin.
It was a shitzu.
(sh*t zoo)
:P XD XD XD
oh yh and i have a lame one too-
why does my dad always wear two pairs of trousers when he goes to play golf? In case he gets a hole in one.
XD =D XD lol
Then there was the homosexual cowboy! He rode into town and shot up the sheriff.
this really is not a joke, but here it goes:
(this can only work for girls)
Walk up to a girl and tell her "Hey you, look down your shirt and spell attic."
A - T - T - I - C
A t t i see
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
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Ok there are 3 blonde guys on an island. While walking on the beach one of them tripped on a genie lamp. The genie popped out and said i will grant each one of you one wish. The first guy said i wish i was smarter so i could get off this island. Poof he was a red-head. He built a raft and oars and left the island. The second guy said i wish i was even smarter so i could get off the island but without as much work. Poof he was a brunette and he built a raft but with a sail. He sailed away from the island. The third guy said ok i wish i was even smarter so i can get off this island but without as much work. Poof he was a woman and he walked across the bridge.
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Collateral
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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A Plane Trip
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.