Hey i need a funny .?!


Question: say something random or funny had a long day and need a laugh plleezz


Answers: say something random or funny had a long day and need a laugh plleezz

A husband had just finished a book titled, "Man of the House." He stormed into the house and walked right up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director?" said his wife.

Yogurt intake among North Americans has quadrupled in the past 20 years.

Tis merely a flesh wound!

Ole Blue

A young Tennessee lad goes off to The University of
Tennessee, but about
1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly
squandered away
all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he
says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern
education are coming up with! Why, they actually have
a program here at UT that will teach our dog Ole Blue
how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do
I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says.
"I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends
the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the
semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father
again.
"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but
you jus t won't believe this - they've had such good
results with this program that they've implemented a
new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have
to do to get him in that program?"
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His
father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his
father will find out that the dog can neither talk,
nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his
father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just
can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue
was in the living room kicked back in the recliner,
reading the Knoxville News Sentential, like he
usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is
your daddy still
messing' around with that little redhead who lives on
Oak Street?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that SOB before he
talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"

How do Avon manage it? how do they get so many women to "take orders"? With today's problem of teenage pregnancy I reckon, they think birth control is getting to the hospital in time.
I am very worried about the weight I have put on in my life I have put on an incredible amount.. I used to weigh just 9lb. As for the banks, I liked the good old days when I had folding money, instead of folding banks!!



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