Heard some of these before?!


Question: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman Correct!



How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.



What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.



Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of wobblies in there.



How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.



Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.



Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think men care.



If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
You done wrong?

Made her chain too long



How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably

never be able to support you.


Answers: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman Correct!



How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.



What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.



Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of wobblies in there.



How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.



Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.



Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think men care.



If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
You done wrong?

Made her chain too long



How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably

never be able to support you.

Geez do you hate women??? LOL
they are funny though!




Great Female Comebacks


Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

LMFAO =D

Then got tw@tted by the missus for doing so - oops =}

oh I like them

very funny never heard them before

Aren't you getting enough? Or are you all mouth and no trousers?

never heard of them,they are gorgeous

hilariously funny

LMAO ...

yes yes they were good thanks

Very Sexist But Very Funny Too :D

like the one by CRAZY H in response.lol

Are you anti female my friend.



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