WHATS THE FUNNIEST JOKE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD.The one that had you in stitches,cry!


Question: John is in the bar, he is very drunk. John says to barman, give us another drink. Barman says John, i think you've had enough, go home.
After a while John agrees so he stands up to leave and promptly falls flat on his face, he couldnt walk.
John thinks to himself, i'll crawl to the door and then i'll get up, so he crawls to the door, but still cant stand.
John decides he'll crawl onto the street then he'll get up. He gets into the street, stands up but falls.
John thinks i'm really bad so he crawls all the way home. He pulls himself up at the door and tries to walk in but he cant, so he crawls in the door and up to bed........

The next morning John's wife shouts at him, you've been drinking! haven't you!!
No, i haven't protests John
Oh yes you have, dont lie to me!! says his wife
Fine, i was, how do you know said John
The pub rang, you left your wheelchair behind!!


Answers: John is in the bar, he is very drunk. John says to barman, give us another drink. Barman says John, i think you've had enough, go home.
After a while John agrees so he stands up to leave and promptly falls flat on his face, he couldnt walk.
John thinks to himself, i'll crawl to the door and then i'll get up, so he crawls to the door, but still cant stand.
John decides he'll crawl onto the street then he'll get up. He gets into the street, stands up but falls.
John thinks i'm really bad so he crawls all the way home. He pulls himself up at the door and tries to walk in but he cant, so he crawls in the door and up to bed........

The next morning John's wife shouts at him, you've been drinking! haven't you!!
No, i haven't protests John
Oh yes you have, dont lie to me!! says his wife
Fine, i was, how do you know said John
The pub rang, you left your wheelchair behind!!

i had a friend who herd the funniest joke ever in the hole world, he died laughing,,,,i never found out what it was

The boyfriend decided he wanted to send some flowers by Interflora to his girlfriend on St. Valentine's day as a surprise.
When the flowers arrived at her home she was thrilled to think that someone could be so romantic.
She knew her boyfriend was coming to visit on the evening so she wanted to offer something in return.
The boyfriend arrived and knocked on the front door but there was no reply so he went round to the back door.
The door was unlocked so he walked in. He shouted "Anybody in?"
He heard his girlfriend shout from upstairs, "I'm up here, come on up!"
He went up into her bedroom and there she was lying on her back on the bed, with no knickers on and her legs wide apart.
"What the heck are you doing?" the boyfriend asked.
"This is for the flowers you sent me today" she replied.
The boyfriend puzzled by this said, "Don't be stupid, you must have a vase somwhere!"

What would you do if a bird **** on your head,,,
Pack her in....

It was 40 years ago.

A drunk goes to a fairground and plays on one of the side shows. He shoots three bulls-eyes and wins a baby tortoise.
he takes his prize and goes off happily.

Half an hour later he comes back and asks the man for another three shots. Again he scores another three perfect shots.

What do you want this time?...asks the fair-man...

I'll have another crunchy pie please!...says the drunk!!

There is an Italian, Frenchman and Irishman discussing lovemaking.

The Italian Guy says "Wen I finish makin aluv to my girlafirend I go down and tickle the back of her knees. She floats 6 inches above da bet in ecstacy"

The French guy says " Zat is nothing, wen I finish with ze girl I kissher all ze way down her body zen lick ze sole ofze feet. She floats 12 inches above da bet in ecstacy".

The Irishman says "That nothing, when I finish riding me bird I get out of bed and wipe my knob on the curtains and she hits the ******* roof"

when my brother says "sound" lol idk why i always crack up for like 10 minutes. or the word "enormous" in general lol

A man was taking some penguins to the local zoo when his van broke down on the motor way.
A nice man in a green van came to his rescue "how can I help?" said the man
" can you take these penguins to the zoo?" "of course I can"
so he loaded the penguins into the back of his van while the other man waited for the recovery truck.

Three hours past the green van arrived back with the penguins.
"why have you brought them back I thought I told you to take them to the zoo"

"Yes, I did but we had such fun We're of to the beach now!!!"

Boom,Boom

A man with a blackeye gets on a plane and notices the man sitting next to him has a blackeye too. He asks the man how he got it..the man replies..."I was at the ticket counter and the seller had big boobs...so instead of asking for 2 tickets to pittsburg I accidentally asked for 2 pickets to tittsburg"! The first man says thats how I got mine....I was having breakfast this morning with the wife and I meant to say "pour me a coffee please darling" and instead I accidentally said "you ruined my life you evil fat witch"!!!!!!

"Knock Knock"
"Who's Theres "
" Fish "
"Fish Who"
"Fish In A Bowl "

Okay.Okay.
It's Stupid, But I Cracked Up.

there is three pregnant ladies knitting jumpers for there unborn babies,the first one says i hope mines a boy coz i have done it in blue,the second lady says i hope mines a girl because i have done mine pink,the third lady says i hope mines a flid cause i have f****d the sleeves up !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 young lads in a pub and an older drunk person shouted from the other side of the room, 'OI YOU-I've had your mum, I have.' They ignored him.
'Oi-I said, I have done your mum.' They still ignored him.
" I just said that I have fu.."
And the young lad said "Go home, dad, you are drunk."

THE WORD

PIGMENT !!!!

I WAS CRYING LAUGHING IN SCIENCE COZ MISS KEPT GOING PIGMENT!! I WAS CRYING COZ IT WAS FUNNY AS.

An african was looking up his family tree when.........................

a monkey sh!t on his head



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