Can someone tell me a seriusly funny joke? best answer?!


Question: i seriusly wna laugh please
realy funn jokes
best answer for the funniest
hurry up =)


Answers: i seriusly wna laugh please
realy funn jokes
best answer for the funniest
hurry up =)

Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ron out.When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ron, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."
The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will
warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold."
The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother
again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost,
don't they!"

ok so theres this little kid coming home from school on the 1st day and he goes:
-"mom i hate that school, everyone calls me the Werewolf!!!"
the mom says:
-"shut up and brush your face!!!!"
LOL

I looked out the car window when i pased the police station andf they arested me for mooning them.

My husband wears a sack over his head when he has sex with me just in case mine comes off

ok theres these guyz they wake up 1 morning and see that they are on a flying ship. then a genie appears and says {i am a very powerful genie i will not let u go}then the genie says {but i will give u 3 wishes the thing is u have 2 throw something off this ship withought me getting it} so then the 3 ppl decide (yes) so the first guy comes up 2 the boat and says (i wish i had a bowling ball) then a bowling ball apperas and he throws it down. then the genie {snaps} and the bowling ball comes in his hand then the 1st guy vanishes then the second guy wishes he had a (small spit) then a small spit comes and it falls off the boat . then the genie {snaps} and the spit comes in his hand and the 2nd guy vanishes.then the 3rd guy comes up and pulls down his pants and farts THE END hope that helped

idk if this will make u laugh, because its hard to explain over the internet.. ill try anyways.

once there was a hot blonde with a nice red car, she stepped out of the car and a man with a gun, a knife, and a piece of chalk approached her.


the man put the gun to her head, and drew a chalk circle, and said "stand in this circle or ill kill you and your entire family"

the blonde agreed. the man went over, and popped one of the blondes tires, and he hears the blonde let out a slight chuckle.

confused, the man pops another tire and the blonde lets out a harder laugh, that went on longer.

the man frusterated at the laughing blonde, breeaks through the cars window and spills her cofee all over her nice red car.

the blonde goes crazy laughing.

the man, furious- walks over to her and askks her and says "tell me whats so funny or ill blow your brains all over this parking-lot" and the blonde replies...

"well..while you werent looking.................................... i jumped out of the circle a few times!!!!!!"

How to you get 100 pikachus on a bus?

You poke 'em on! (pokemon)

A man arrives home one evening and found his wife in bed with another man. The husband grabbed the offending man by his pecker and dragged him to the garage. After putting his private parts into a vice and removing the key so it couldn't be loosened he walked over to the bench and took a saw off the hanger.
The naked offender said, "My god you are not going to cut it off?"
The husband handed him the saw and replied, "Oh no sir, But I think you will. I am going to set fire to the garage and leave. What you do next is your decision!!!

This judge goes to a party, gets absolutly rat arsed, and goes to walk home, cold air hits him and he throws up all down the front of his tuxedo. Anyway in the morning his mrs says "you drunken ****, what a state to get into" He says "no luv you have got it all wrong, i only had a couple of brandys, but as i was walking home i bumped into a pissed up git and he threw up all down my front, but he is up before me tomorrow morning and im going to give him 6 months" She says "might as well make it 12 months cos he managed to **** in your trousers as well"!!!

Girl:wt do u boys do,and talk about ? when got alond
Boy:nothing new,just like u girls do n talk.
Girl:oh my God..how shameless and hom*gen u boy r.
____________
Policeman:y did u fu*k him
Criminil:bcz he was use 2 n professional
Policeman:ok i wil let u go but tell me first either he is ok or not,and wt is he doing right now ?
Crimonil:he is quite ok n happy enough,and reading this joke.
_________________
Daughter:Mom army troops entered inour village.
Mom:oh my God,immediately come inside home,bcz the always rape the girls of captured places.
Daughter:oh no mom ! that is our country`s army.
Mom:then bring your dog & cat too.
_____________________
A woman was bathing,her 7 years old kid came in bath room ,when he saw a new thing first time in his life,he asked her,
Kid:wts this Mom ?
Mom:A Garage !
Kid:may I park my bicycle inside ?
Mom:No my son,if so then where would your father park his Boeing Aeroplane?
______________

A bus stops and 2 Irish men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation that seems to be English.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den Oi come. Den two asses come together. Oi come once a more! Two asses, they come together again. Oi come again and pee twice. Then Oi come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? Oi 'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."
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r these jokes new n interesting respond plz awarding me the Best Answer.Thanks

Jesus Christ is wandering around heaven and feeling kind of lonely, so he decides to seek out his father, Joseph.

In the distance, Jesus sees an old man approaching. As they meet, Jesus says to the man, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my father.”

The old man says, “That’s funny, I’ve been looking for my son.”

Jesus says, “My father was a carpenter.”

The old man answers, “I was a carpenter.”

Jesus squints at the man and says, “Yes, well my father wasn’t really my father.”

The old man smiles and says, “My son wasn’t really my son.”

Jesus thinks for a moment, and says, “Well, I once died and came back to life.”

The old man says excitedly, “My son too once died and came back to life!”

Jesus, now believing the old man to be his father, puts out his arms to embrace him and shouts, “Dad!” To which the old man puts out his arms and cries, “Pinocchio!”

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At McDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!""Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?""No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!"
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A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in! the closet. "Who are YOU?" he asked.

"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the exterminator.

" What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."



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