That Friday feeling.?!


Question: My office is so quiet and boring today that there would be more life in a morgue.

So, changing subject completely, what is the funniest thing you have seen or heard in the last week?


Answers: My office is so quiet and boring today that there would be more life in a morgue.

So, changing subject completely, what is the funniest thing you have seen or heard in the last week?

That your girlfriend got evicted.

Maid: Wow! The fireworks are beautiful! Though it's so hard to see them through these streaky windows

Housewife: (looks at maid) Yeah, I know, it's so hard to find good help these days.

wait.... its fridaty?!?!?!?! WERE are u??

heres one for work!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever
wonder about those people who say they are giving more than
100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you
to give
over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in
life?
Well, here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you
answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ***-kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G is
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that
while
Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude
will get
you there, Bullshit and ***-kissing will put you over the
top.

It's Monday you idiot

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!!!"

What do you call a blonde in between two brunettes?

A mental block.......
Hope thats cheered you up abit *lol*



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