Got any funny jokes?? plz help me i just got dumped and im upset...?!
Question: I just got dumped today by my bf of 2 years and its really rough... i need something to cheer me up before i become really depressed... got any funny jokes? stories? or just something really funny that happened to you... thanks so much!
Answers: I just got dumped today by my bf of 2 years and its really rough... i need something to cheer me up before i become really depressed... got any funny jokes? stories? or just something really funny that happened to you... thanks so much!
A husband and wife from New York were traveling to Florida for vacation. They were taking a second honeymoon to the same hotel they stayed at when they first married 30 years ago. Due to their different schedules the husband left a day before his wife. When he arrived he e-mailed to his wife, but accidentally sent it to the wrong address.
Mean while in Texas an elderly woman was morning the death of her husband. He had enjoyed a successful career as a preacher. When she came home from the funeral she checked her e-mail. She screamed and passed out. The e-mail read:
Subject: I’ve arrived
To my loving wife,
They have e-mail here now and allow you to e-mail your loved ones. Just wanted to let you know I arrived safely. The trip was much shorter than I expected. Everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. See you soon!
P.S. It’s really hot down here
funny joke
well one time my friend froze his touge on a pole outside. he couldnt get it off, it was late at night and he had a date with this hot woman the stores were closed and he had to get his touge un frozen so we where thinking all of a suden we see a deer pass by and my friends throws a beer can at it. and we run away/ idk why but its chaseing us then we go by our frien and it kicked his tounge right off true story ripleys believe it or not
What do you get when you cross an onion and a donkey......
an a ss that will bring a tear to your eye!!
ok, so there is a priest, a little boy, George Bush, and the vice president in a private airplane. Then, the airplane begins to head down, ready to crash. The people go to the parachutes, but there are only 3. Bush takes the first one and says "The country cannot survive without me!" and jumps off of the plane. The vice president takes the second one and says "If Bush dies, I have to run the country!" and jumps off of the plane. The priest turns to the boy and says "You can take the last parachute, I have lived long enough." So the little boy said "No, we can both take one, Bush took my backpack!"
Sorry you got..you know, dumped. I hope this made you feel a little better.
Just 2 weeks ago i lost my sister in england. just as she was about to be cremated my wife comes out with this one
" At least she wont be freezing anymore"
It brought a smile to my face.
hope u can have a laugh aswell
Heyy im sorry to hear that=[..... me and one of my boyfriends decided to break up last year after 4 1/2 years!!! and i am still very young!!! i found this on guy...*chris* we went out like 47832905784327589472385 times and i broke up with him and i realized that i loved him about 2 weeks after i broke up with him!! i cant stand it im dieing inside!!! but dont worry he must be a jerk he dose not deserve your heart if hes just going to break it! good luck
ok LMAO 1 of my favorites... kinda racial but EVERY1 laughts
2 gay guys are walking down the beach... one of them trips and falls. He gets up and looks down and sais "oh ****! its a Geine Lamp!!!"... hes boyfriend looks at it and sais "ey if you rub it... we get to make 3 wishes!" hes like ok. so he rubs the lamp and a geine comes out. The geine sais "After 10,000 years you finally found me, i grant you 3 wishes!"... the gay guy sais to the other guy "roger this is the best day of our lives, i love you" .... The genie goes "come again? what? you 2 are gay?" .... the guys say "yeh"... the genie goes "ah **** that ****, i grant you fag's only 1 dam wish!" ... the gay guys stand and think for a second then ask the genie if they could have 1 day to think about it. The genie sais "ok you can have 1 day."
So the two gay guys go home, take a shower, and at midnight lye in bed sleeping. Then all the sudden there is a huge noise at the door like some1 is banging on it as hard as they can. Then There is a sound of chainsaw...... all the sudden the door breaks down and 5 KKK members rush in wearing all white wiht all kinds of axes in their hands screaming "white power, white power!!!"
One gay guy looks at hes boyfriend and sais "Hey i think it is time to use a wish before we ******* die!!!!"... the other gay guy sais... ahha...hahaha... i kinda used it already... Hes boyfriend asks.... WHAT??? WHAT TA HELL DID YOU WISH FOR?
and hes boyfrind answers
I WISHED WE BE HUNG LIKE N i G G A S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>> FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
> A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
> The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug
through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look
like? She finally asked.
> The policewoman replied "It's square and it has your picture on it."
> The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked
at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
> The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
****no offense to blondes****
What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?
Grandpa.