Tell Me A joke! I am soo bored i need to hear something funny!?!


Question: anythuing funny that you heard, a joke, anythingperverted? LOL, I'm with my friend right now, we're answering questions, we're so bored, give us a joke anything, and yeah, i already know about dane cook, so don't copy him.


Answers: anythuing funny that you heard, a joke, anythingperverted? LOL, I'm with my friend right now, we're answering questions, we're so bored, give us a joke anything, and yeah, i already know about dane cook, so don't copy him.

So the dad tells his son , "son you really need to stop masterbating you will go blind" So the son says "dad i am over here"

which sexual position produces the ugliest children.... ask your mom!

whats the difference between anal and oral sex.... oral makes your day, oral makes you hole weak!

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.'
The first apple went in... But on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?' The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of *** that brings tears to your eyes!

why is yo pussy so big,cuzz yo mom but her big azz balls in it

What do you get when you cross milk with an arrow. A milky way.

Two Cannibals were sitting down for dinner. They were both eating a clown. The first cannibal stops and looks at the other one and says:

"Does this taste Funny to you?"

Two blondes came into a bar, sat down, and ordered drinks. They were making merry in a serious way and it was obvious to the bartender that they were celebrating something big. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he says " I hate to be nosy, but it's obvious that you two are celebrating something big. What's the occasion" One blonde replies "Well, we are just sooo proud of ourselves, because we just finished - just the two of us alone - a 50 piece jigsaw puzzle in only 3 days." Confused, the bartender says "So?", to which the other blonde says "Well, on the box it says 3 - 5 years"

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"

So a guy with a gambling problem owes $90,000 to the government. He gets his taxes audited. When he goes into the auditor's office the auditor is telling him what is going on and a whole bunch of other bullshit. All of the sudden the gambler interrupts him and says, "I will bet you double or nothing on what I owe that I can stand on your desk and pee in that jar (he points across the office) without getting a drop outside of the jar. So the auditor takes the bet. The gambler stands on the desk and starts peeing everywhere, not a drop inside the jar. The auditor starts laughing his a*s off. The gambler gets down and he is completely calm and everything. The auditor asks him, "Why aren't you upset?" The gambler says do you see my lawyer over there, before we came in here I bet him $250,000 that I could pee all over your office and you would laugh about it.

a blonde comes home one day from her errands, and while she was out, she bought a puzzle. She wanted to prove that blondes are smart, too, and that they, too, could put together a puzzle. She was working on the puzzle hours and hours, but couldnt put a single piece together. Finally, she called her boyfriend, and asked him to come over and help her with the puzzle. "alright i'll come over" he said. "what's the puzzle supposed to look like?" the blonde looked at the box, then said "a tiger." the boyfriend arrived and went into the kitchen, where the puzzle was. "You see how complicated it is! I cant even put one single piece together..." the boyfriend shook his head, sighed, turned to his girlfriend and squeezed her hand. "Ok honey, i'll get you through this. But first off, put the frosted flakes back in the box"
HAHAHAHAHAH

Q: what pet lives in a car?
A: a carpet

so a girl gives a guy who is depressed an email. it says "OOH, I CUT MYSELF, OUCH! when she is too dumb and ignorent to figure out that insulting depressed people wont make them any happier! now here is the punchline- YOUR AN IDIOT! HAHAHAHAHA! screw you.



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