Need a little cheering up please? D":?!
Question: Rae's mom just said some mean sexual things to Rae. D:
Rae cried.
Rae needs to laugh and some cheering up.
Help Rae?
Gimme yr funniest jokes!
Answers: Rae's mom just said some mean sexual things to Rae. D:
Rae cried.
Rae needs to laugh and some cheering up.
Help Rae?
Gimme yr funniest jokes!
Barber Shop
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands directly next to the barber chair, while
her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get
hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."
Hmm, funny joke huh?
Whats the difference between a tomato and a monkey?
Don't know? Remind me never to send YOU to the supermarket alone!
their are 3 blondes walking aroun a forest when they stumble across some tracks 1 blonde said they were deer tracks the next blonde said they were cow tracks the last blonde said they were moose tracks they argued and argued about it and they were still arguing when the train hit them
if ur a blonde and didnt get this joke the tracks were train tracks
and i turns out im a blonde myself so no offense
plz choose me as best answer desperate 4 points
XD
Dont have one right now but got alot of stuff posted that i think might help. you can add me if you want!! smile!!
two men are walking in the forest hunting, when suddenly one of them falls to the ground, his eyes gazed and not breathing
the other man picks up the phone and immeadiatly calls emergancy services. ''help! we were walking in the forest when my friend had dropped dead! what do i do..!?!''
the person on the other end said'' ok ok calm down, first, lets make sure hes dead''
There was a brief pause, then the sound of a gunshot, and the guy was back on the phone ''ok, now what?'
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Bob is in the army. After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she'd slept with 2 guys since he'd left and wanted to break-up and all the pictures he had of her sent back. So Bob did what any other American would do. He went around to all his army buddies and asked for pictures of girls they wouldn't mind giving up. He then took all the pictures, some decent, some X-rated, and put them in a big envelope to send to his girlfriend with a note saying "I don't remember you. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."
Nita: I just had an embarassing moment.
Rita: What happened?
Nita: I just opened the refrigerator and saw some Italian dressing.
Igor: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
Boris: I don't know why?
Igor: So they can hide in the strawberry patch.
Boris: I don't believe that.
Igor: Did you ever see an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Boris: NO!
Igor: See? It works.
Lem: Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?
Clem: Depends on how fast you carry it.
Guy: If you don't say you'll marry me I'll blow my brains out.
Girl: That would be a funny joke on Daddy. He says you don't have any.
Devon: I didn't come here to be insulted.
Cornwall: Oh? Well, where do you usually go?
Sign in a pet shop window: BOXER PUPPY FOR SALE. HOUSEBROKEN, FAITHFUL, WILL EAT ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY FOND OF CHILDREN.
Newspaper headline: TORNADO RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY, HUNDREDS DEAD.
Two children stood in front of a mummy case in the museum. On the bottom of the mummy case they noticed "1286 B.C."
"What does that mean?" the first child asked. The second child thought a moment and then said "That must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."
Sign on newly seeded lawn: DOGS BEWARE. VICIOUS MAN.
Mrs. Jones: I'm sorry to bother you on such a terrible night, Doctor.
Doctor: That's alright. I had another patient down the road so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone.
Son: Dad, can I have another glass of water before bed?
Dad: This is your tenth!
Son: I know but my room's on fire.
"If frozen water is iced water what's frozen ink?"
"Iced ink"
"You do?!"
If quizzes are quizical, what are tests?
Mother to child: If you fall from that tree and break both legs, don't you come running to me.
Tommy: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not Tommy
Tommy: Good. Because I didn't do my homework.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as heck didn't!"
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the men started clapping.
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied... "The balcony."
Tea for Daddy
One day mom was out and my dad was in charge.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just
recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a
get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise forsuch yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watchme bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with acup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
Then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'