Give me a really funny joke i need to laugh ...10 points for the winner?!
Question: i need funniness
Answers: i need funniness
These are damn funny......especially the last 1
Actual call centre conversations
Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
>>
>>Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
>>through to enquiries, can you help?".
>>Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
>>Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
>>Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
>>
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Samsung Electronics
>>Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
>>about".
>>Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
>>states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
>>and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
>>Jack?"
>>Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
>>------------------------------------...
>>RAC Motoring Services
>>Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
>>travelling inAustralia ?"
>>
>>Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
>>"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel
>>to the other side of the car?"
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Directory Enquiries
>>Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
>>Cardiff please".
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
>>correct?"
>>Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but
>>the 'B' fell off".
>>
>>------------------------------------...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
--------------------------------------...
>>Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
>>Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
>>Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
>>Scotland ".
>>------------------------------------...
>>On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
>>told a worried operator:
>>
>>"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
>>on".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
>>Customer: "OK".
>>Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
>>this point?".
>>
>>Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
>>'click'".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
>>can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
>>Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
>>that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
>>file back again?".
>>------------------------------------...
>>------------------------------------...
>>There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest
>>things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not
>>fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
>>transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
>>Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
>>currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without
>>Cause".
>>Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
>>know why they record these conversations!):
>>
>>
>>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
>>
>>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>>Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
>>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
>>the words went away."
>>Operator: "Went away?"
>>Caller: "They disappeared."
>>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>>Caller: "Nothing."
>>Operator: "Nothing??"
>>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
>>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
>>Caller: "How do I tell?"
>>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
>>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>>screen?"
>>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
>>anything I type."
>>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>>Caller: "What's a monitor?"
>>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it
>>that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
>> on??"
>>Caller: "I don't know."
>>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
>>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>>Caller: "Yes, I think so."
>>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
>>plugged into the wall.
>>Caller: "Yes, it is."
>>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
>>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you
>>to look back there again and find the other cable."
>>Caller: "Okay, here it is."
>>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
>>into the back of your computer."
>>Caller: "I can't reach."
>>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
>>way over??"
>>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
>>it's because it's dark."
>>Operator: "Dark??"
>>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off,
>>and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
>>
>>" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
>>Caller: "I can't."
>>Operator: "No? Why not??"
>>Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
>>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
>>licked now.
>>
>>Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
>>came in??"
>>
>>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
>>up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
>>bought it from."
>>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
>>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
>>them??"
>>Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a
>>computer!!!!!"
luk in mirror,,,,,,,,,,,,,,dah 1'z priceless
why was the maths book sad?
it had too many problems =]
hehehe you like it?
Enjoy :) this is ultimate....
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be 19.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be 32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer "Excuse me sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there" says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big *** and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Little tommy carried his cat to school today? The teacher says "Tommy why did you bring your cat to school today?" He said cuz i heard my father tell my mom when i go to schoo he was gone eat that pussy!!
uhh....
this is a game that i played with some of my friends, what you do is you get a group of people and each person gets 2 peices of paper, one question paper and one answer paper, it is easyer if the question and answer papers are each 2 diff colors, then what you do is you write a question that you know the answer to, then on the answer on the answer paper. mix them all up and grab a question and an answer and then have all of your friends read the out loud it is pretty funny
Why did the boy take a ruler to sleep?
to measure how long he sleep!!!
(Don't take this next one personal if you're Blondie)
Their were three girls stranded in the desert.one had black hair,one had red hair,and one had Blondie hair.they found a magic lamp.when they rubbed it a Gennie came out.he gave each one of them one wish and then he would go away forever.the black-haired girl wish to become a multi-millionaire,the red-haired girl wish to go back home with her mom,then it was time for the Blondie haired girl to make her wish.she said that she wish her friends were back in the desert with her because she felt lonely!!DO YOU LIKE IT!!!
how can you tell you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree and you realize it was just your air freshener
A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happened if this does not work?'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
Why do bald people put holes in there pockets?
So they can rub there fingers through their hair.
What do you call a guy at your front door with no legs or arms?
Matt!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
Why are those two couches on top of each other?
Maybe they are making "love seats".
What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What does an atheist say when she's having an orgasm?
"Darwin! Oh, Darwin!"
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snowballs