Tell some jokes ?!
Question: jokesduniya.com
Answers: jokesduniya.com
Susan and the Doctor
Susan goes to see the doctor about getting a facelift. “OK,” says the doctor. “I can do the face lift but you′ll have to come back again in 6 months for a follow-up. ”Oh no,” says Susan, “I want it done all at once without having to come back!”
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, “We do have a new procedure that doesn't require your coming back”. “What is it,” she asks. “Well,” says the doctor, “We insert a small screw into the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appear, you give it a small turn and the wrinkles disappear.” “Wonderful,” says Susan. “Let′s do that”!
Six months later, Susan comes charging into the doctor′s office. ”How′s the procedure working? “ says the doctor. “Terrible,” yells Susan. “It′s the biggest mistake I ever made! Just look at these bags under my eyes!”
“Susan” the doctor answers “Those aren′t bags! They′re your breasts! and if you don′t stop turning that screw, you′re going to have a beard!”
a blonde went to the doctor because she thought she was dieng. she told the doctor that everywhere she touched her body it hurt. the doctor examined her and told her that she wasn't dieng but she broke her finger.
Ok here's one its called 0 to 200 in 6 seconds ....
Bob was in trouble , he forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really pi$$ed . So she told him ," Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
So the next morning Bob left for work early . When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused she put her bath robe on and ran out to the driveway and brought the box in the house , she opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale ..................
Bob has been missing since Friday .
i guess ill act this out sorta.
Tim: mommy i have a drinking problem!
mom gives a strange look.
Mom: your only 6 years old tim!?!?
walks to bob(the dad)
Mom: THIS IS YOUR FAULT BOB!
Bob: MY FAULT? maybe if you spent more time with him!
Mom: our 6 year old son has a drinking problem!
Mom: he doesnt need a role model like you!
Bob: ive done nothing but give to this family and what do i get?
Bob: IM LEAVING!
mom: fine!
Mom: i dont need you and timmy doesnt either!
Mom: timmy dont cry we'll be fine without daddy!
Mom: timmy i want you to tell me about your drinking problem
Tim: sniff sniff
Mom: talk to me tim! tell me about your drinking problem!
tim reaches into bag and pulls out a paper
Tim: if joe drinks 1 liter of juice and tom drinks 2 liters how much do they both drink?
Mom: ................................