10 points to first and funniest joke!?!


Question: the first person to answer with a funny and clean joke, will get 10 points!


Answers: the first person to answer with a funny and clean joke, will get 10 points!

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

What did the blonde say when she walked into a bar? Ouch! HAHAHAHA!

There were two muffins in an oven, one muffin said to the other "It's so hot in here!" The other muffin replied, "Oh cool! A talking muffin!" LOL

Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? She wanted to see how long she slept! LOL

Q: why did the blonde have square boobs?

A: she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

lmaoo

this is the joke i always use :-P

What did Tigger find in the toilet? Pooh

Weird Al running for president.

An explorer was walking through the jungle and suddenly, he found himself surrounded by dangerous cannibals. "I'm dead," said the explorer.

Then, a bright light came from the sky and a voice from the sky said, "Not yet, take your knife, and cut the throat of the leader."

The explorer did what the voice said. The cannibals began to scream.

The voice from the sky said, "NOW, you are dead."

You know you're getting older when you sit in a rocking chair and then can't get it going.

Theres an old couple in their late 80's. They both seem to be having trouble with their memories and decide to see a doctors because they think it could be a problem.
The doctor tells them that there is nothing wrong with them but they could try writing things down if they can't remember them.
That night, the old couple are sitting watching tv when the old man says that he is going to get a drink and asks if she wants anything.
The women replies "yes, ill have a glass of water please"
the man asks if she wants anything else
the women replies "and a bowl of ice cream, shouldnt you write this down?"
so the man, slightly irritated, asks if she wants anything else
the women replies "with sprinkles, are you sure you dont want to write this down?"
the man replies "no i can remember that, a glass of water and a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles"

The man replies a little later with a plate of egg and beans and sausages for his wife.
The women replies "i knew you would forget! where's my toast?!"

george bush!

haha i win!

Scientists have come up with a video that proves dogs are smarter than humans. Here's how it works: If you spend $500.00 on the video, you're dog is smarter than you.

what did the chav say when he was in the freezer??

Solid

lol

its really bad

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FANNY AND AN OVEN ????

AN OVEN DOESNT FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT.....


Have you ever seen that film with demi moore ? its called INDECENT PROPOSAL ? its about a woman who sleeps with a bloke for a million pounds ??............................. My wife would never do that . She would rather fOOk a million men for a pound each.....


( CLEAN ONE )

a man goes into a pub with a fried egg on his head ,
the barman says..." why have you got a fried egg on your head " ??

the man says " BECAUSE A BOILED EGG WO'NT STOP ON "

a man is limping down the street,he sees an ice-cream man so he goes and gets a cornet,when he's finished pouring it the ice-cream man says crushed nuts.
no i hurt my leg at work.



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