Funniest Joke!!!?!


Question: Funniest Joke In My Opinion Will Win !0 Whole Points!!!! Keep Those Jokes Coming!!!


Answers: Funniest Joke In My Opinion Will Win !0 Whole Points!!!! Keep Those Jokes Coming!!!

once there were three moles living in a hole.
the daddy mole said, "oh my, what a beautiful cloud."
the mommy mole said, "oh my, what a lovely flower."

and the baby mole said, "im not tall enough to see out of our hole. all i see are molasses."


hahah! get it?? mole..................ASSES!

Not really a joke, but i got this as an email and thought it was funny....

You know its gonna be a bastard of a day if....

1. Your wife says "good morning Bill" and your name is Wally.

2. You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.

3. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

4. The car horn goes off accidently, and remains stuck while following a group of Hells angels.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6. You wake face down on the footpath.

7. You see a '60 minutes' team waiting in your office.

8. You want to put on clothes you worse home from the party, and there aren't any.

9. You put on the news, and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

10. The boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.

11. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

12. You walk to work and then find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose (even worse if your a guy!)

13. You call your answering service, and they tell you its none of your business.

14. Your blind date turns out to be your wife.

15. Your twin forgot your birthday.

16. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

17. Your income Tax cheque bounces.

energizer bunny charged for battery

ok

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating St Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight
Paddy."

Paddy replies, "Okay Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls

flat on his face.

"Shoite," he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself
off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shite,
shite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he

can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door

frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat
on his face.

"Bi' Jesus... I'm Stinin drunk," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He
takes a look up the stairs and says, "No flamin' way".

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I

can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on
his face.

He says, "Ahh,well", and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room

carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to
drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was really drunk. But how'd

you know?"

"Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub."

Before bed everynight a little girl prays to god and says goodnight to all her friends and family. One night she says "goodnight to all my friends and family and goodbye grandpa" The next day her grandpa unfortunately passes away. Later that week the girls father comes in to her room to put her to bed and hears her saying "goodnight to all my friends and family and goodbye grandma". He finds this strange but tries to ignore it, but the next day unfortunately the girls grandmother passes away. Then the next week, one night before bed, the girls father walks past her bedroom as he hears her say "goodnight to all my friends and family and goodbye dad". Well the next day while at work her father fears for his life. He is absolutely scared out of his pants and is very catious especially driving home. Then when he pulls into the driveway he finds the mail man dead on their front lawn.

IDIOTS AT WORK...
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I
asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on
the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She
carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the
receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health &
Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically
to lubricate your eyes."

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer
were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to
cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.



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