Any good jokes? best answer***?!


Question: A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope, only when it's raining!!


Answers: A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope, only when it's raining!!

he he he....yeah....

***? *##*? $%*#?

Check out mine What do you think!! or this


There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's ****.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

CHUCKLES FOR MATURE COUPLES AND OTHERS ....

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
--------------------------------------...

Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
--------------------------------------...
For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
--------------------------------------...
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage. &nb sp;
--------------------------------------...
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
When they go, they take your house and car, and leave you in deep water.

--------------------------------------...
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
Seemed way too qualified for the job .
'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual
Experience in picking lemons? 'Well, as a matter if fact, yes!' she replied.? 'I've
Been divorced three times.'

--------------------------------------...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
Remove a curse he has be en living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me
The exact words tha t were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation,
'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

--------------------------------------...

Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
All the DNA is the same.

--------------------------------------...
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

--------------------------------------...
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told ther e would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old,' the husband said . 'We may not have 45 minutes.'
They were seated immediately.

--------------------------------------...

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

--------------------------------------...
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
Escorted her down the aisle . They reached the altar to the waiting groom;
the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride gave him back his credit card.

--------------------------------------...
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

--------------------------------------... ---------

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and f riends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'

Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a
Wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'

Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'

--------------------------------------...
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to yo u?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'

-------------------- -------------- ---------------------------------

A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me , exactly where i s Larry's bar?'

--- ----------------------------------------...

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'

--------------------------------------...
& nbsp; A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
'Take the poison.'



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