JoKeS? AnY gOoD OnEs?!
Question: 2 butt jokes:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom
"Your butt's broken, it's got a crack in it"
Answers: 2 butt jokes:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom
"Your butt's broken, it's got a crack in it"
Here are my favorites, they have a bit of harsh language and adult situations... please don't be offended:
(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:
There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."
(2)Here's another:
Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."
(3)...and another:
There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"
(4)One more:
Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"
Did you know that Captain James T Kirk of the starship 'Enterprise' had three ears? One left ear , one right ear and the 'Final Frontier!'
what's the longest sentence in the english language?
I Do.
this ones kind of rude but here it goes.
A fat black man finds a magic lamp, he picks it up and rubs it, a genie comes out and saids: ill give you three wishes, the black man saids: I wish I was white, skinny, and surrounded by pussy.
the genie grants his wish and saids: POOF ***** you a tampon.
A few of mine
A young doctor had moved to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house, a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she said.
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you, at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
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The were three guys in hell: a white guy, a Chinese guy, and a black guy. The devil had a special way to punish them -- by melting their penises.
The white guy came up to the devil. The devil held his balls in his hand and lit a match. The white guy's penis was history.
The Chinese guy went up next. The devil had his balls in his hand and lit a match. His balls were also gone.
Then the black guy came up. The devil took his balls and lit that match. His balls were still there. He tried again. Still there. The devil was pissed off now.
He asked, "WHY AREN'T THEY MELTING?"
The black guy said, "Chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hands."
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The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row. She was wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else had left the church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest voice, "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why, reverend," the young thing replied. "All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her ****.
After several minutes, he raised his head and said, "I don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not, reverend," she said. "You're not plugged in yet."
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Last one
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S *** SHOWS The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT IN FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S *** This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00 This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE The Bishop was buried the next day.
If you like it, 10 points please