What is your favorite joke or jokes?!


Question: Dont repeat any joke i already have from other people an make sure htey are funny.


Answers: Dont repeat any joke i already have from other people an make sure htey are funny.

my favourites

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.

This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"

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Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
"This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die." Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
"Don't worry." said the man issuing them out. "I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said "Bangity bangity bang!" and the guy fell down dead. He did the same thing with the magic carrot. Amazed at what was happening, he continued to fight. Then, a guy came slowly up to him and he would not die. Bob tried to shoot and stab him, but he wouldn't die. The last words poor Bob heard as he was being trampled over were "Tankity tankity tank."

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A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.
"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with a watery eyes in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks, "And Tigger?"

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Two men are playing golf. They play each week, and have a wager as to who is going to win.

One week there are these two women at the hole ahead of them. They're hitting the ball all over the place. They have no idea how to play. They're just there having a good old time.

The two men want to finish their game. One of them decides to ask the women if they can play through. He goes up the hill, then comes back down. He tells his friend "I can't do it. One's my wife, the other's my mistress."

The other guy says "No problem, I understand."

So he goes up the hill. He comes back down and says, "Small world isn't it?"

If you like it 10 points please

I was in Mexico the other day and there was a 3 car pile up and 500 people died.

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."



"Won't you kiss me, Doctor," asks a beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
"It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."

There was a man talking to his friend. The friend asked the man what he had on his shirt.

So the man smiled and said, "Oh, there was this nice fancy restaurant I went to this morning."

So the friend was curious and he asked, "What was the name of the place?"

The man asked, "Ummm......What is the name of that flower that is red and has prickly thorns?"

So the friend said, "A Rose?"

So the man turnes to his wife and says, "Oh yeah! Hey, Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we went to this morning?"

There is a restaurant... and one day they get a Panda customer.
So the panda walks into a restaurant and he orders food and eats. When hes finished, the waiter comes and gives him the bill, but then the Panda pulls out a gun and shoots him. The waiter asks "Why?" And the Panda says "Go look up the definition of Panda in a dictionary." and leaves...
The waiter looks it up in the dictionary for Panda....
Panda, eats shoos and leaves.

A DuCk gOeS InTo a rEsTUrAnT A Nd sAiZ Do yO HaVe aNY GRAPES, tHE wAiTeR RePlYeD, nO We dO nOt aLlOw aNiMaLs iN ThIs rEsTaRaNt sO YoUll HaVe tO LeaVe. ThE DuCk cOmEs BaCk 2 dA ReStErAnT AnD SaIz, dO YoU GoT AnY GRAPES, tHe wAiTeR rEpLiEd aGaIn"WE DO NAOT ALLOW DUCKS IN THIS RESTERANT, IF YOU COME AGIN ILL STAPLE YOUR FEET 2 DA FLOOR"
tHE dUcK CoMeS BaCk aNd dEn SaIz, Do yOu gOt aNy sTaPlES, NO!!! Good SaId ThE DuCk, Do yOu gOT AnY GrApEs...

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope, only when it's raining!!



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