Any good .....?!
Question: jokes, I could do with a giggle?
Answers: jokes, I could do with a giggle?
OK. Here goes a few for your pleasure
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
--------------------------------------...
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
--------------------------------------...
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their s*x lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital s*x felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted
--------------------------------------...
There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.
With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As
he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"
"Those are for the funeral."
If you like it 10 points please
(usually only funny if you aren't a Bush fan)
I saw the COOLEST bumper sticker a few days ago.
It said "Frodo failed. Bush has the ring".
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get ran over by the car!!!!!!!! hahahaha
ok there is a little language in it so dont report me.
man walks on a beach and sees a girl with no arms and no leg and shes crying. man said "why are you crying" girl said" im 40 years only and i have never been hugged before" so the man picks her up and hugs her. the next day he sees her crying again and he asked "why are you crying now" she said " im 40 years only and i have never been kissed before" so he picks her up and kisses her. the next say he sees her crying again on the beacuse so he asks "why are you crying now" she said "im 40 years only and i have never been ****** before" so he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says "YOU ****** NOW"
idk how funni this is, but i laughed lol!
What the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
Any body can roast beef!
Lmfao!
Sorry but it still amuses me lol!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the armadillo it could be done.