EASY EASY EASY 10 points to?!
Question: whoever can tell me the funniest joke/riddle/situation/ word or w/e EVER!!! who can make me laugh? XD -|- GB =]
Answers: whoever can tell me the funniest joke/riddle/situation/ word or w/e EVER!!! who can make me laugh? XD -|- GB =]
Ralph and Ethel are an old married couple. Every morning since the day they married Ralph starts the day with a fart. It is so horrible that it brings Ethel to tears and makes her gag. Every morning she tells Ralph "One of the days you'll blow you insides out". He just laughs and replies "Better out than in."
One morning while cleaning out a turkey Ethel gets an evil idea. She takes the bowl of innards and gizzards upstairs and slowly pulls back the band of Ralph's underwear in the rear and empties the bowl.
She tiptoes back down the stairs and waits.
A few moments later his feet hit the floor and she hears him rip a big one---followed by a blood curdling scream! Ethel can't help but laugh.
Ralph comes down stairs and says"By God, Ethel you were right. I finally blew my insides out!" She snickers.
Ralph says, "But, by the grace of God and these 2 fingers I think I got most of them back in!!"
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
heheh (:
^ ten points lol
Two men are golfing when they catch up with a pair of ladies in front of them. The women are duffing the ball pretty badly, and it becomes evident that it will be a long afternoon unless they play through.
The first man says, "I'll go up and ask if we can play through." He gets about three-quarters of the way there, and then turns back around. When he returns, his face is white as a sheet! He says to his friend, "You're not going to believe this, but one of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress!"
"Ouch!" replies his friend. "That's not a good combination. You'd better let me handle this." He approaches the two women, but gets no closer than his friend did, when he does a sudden turnaround as well.
As he approaches his friend, he says rather sheepishly, "Funny coincidence....", or
There once was a bear& a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
or,
there is a young girl in sunday school and her teacher wants to ask her 3 questions
1. her teacher asked her "who created the earth we live on"
a boy pokes with a pencil and she yells "god almighty". the teachers says "thats right"
the next question that the teacher asks her who died on the cross for our sins? the boy pokes her again and she yell "jesus christ". her teacher says "that right"
3. the last question is. "What did eve says to adam when they were makin babies. the boy pokes her agian and she yells "i swear to god if u poke me with that thing one more time i will break it in half"
Hey now, stop that echo sh** , you're waking up the voices in my head ! They say weird things to me !!!
What did the easter egg say to the boiling water?
it's gonna take awhile to get me hard cause i just got laid by some chick.
haha.
*A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor??
"Wheres my tractor?" haha
purding
Someone calls in a suspicious car parked on the side of the road. A cop goes to check it out. When he gets there is it stuck in snow, still running, with a man passed out and a empty liquor bottle beside him. The cop taps his flashlight on the glass and the drunk man wakes up startled putts the car in drive and slams his foot on the gas. The cop begins to run in place as the speed meter moves up 10>20>30>40>50 the cop bangs on the glass (still running in place) & yells "HEY PULL IT OVER, BUDDY!" the drunk slams on the break, putts the car in park, rolls down the window and says "Any cop that can run 50 miles an hour i ani't gonna mess with."
~Kit~