Any Good Joke Ive Got A Few?!
Question: there is a man and a woman laying in bed
they are watching football
the man farts and says one nil
th woman copies and says one one
the man, again, farts but this time follows through
he then says half time swap sides
______________________________________...
why did the blonde climb over the glass wall
to see wha was on the other side
i have loads more but theres no room and i cant be bothered to type them
have you got any about anything?
Answers: there is a man and a woman laying in bed
they are watching football
the man farts and says one nil
th woman copies and says one one
the man, again, farts but this time follows through
he then says half time swap sides
______________________________________...
why did the blonde climb over the glass wall
to see wha was on the other side
i have loads more but theres no room and i cant be bothered to type them
have you got any about anything?
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde woman goes to the doctor for a routine exam...after doing blood tests and urine tests the doctor informs the blonde woman that she is pregnant...the blonde woman replies "are you sure it's mine"
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?
Quarter Pounder with Cheese
That's all for now
Onlywith- That's really funny.
M F-I heard it before with "gave the costume to my dad." I think it's better if the next time you use it this joke as "my dad." With "your dad" as the punch line it's incest and no offense just really really sick.