Who can make me laugh the most?!
Question: Who can make me laugh the most!?
I need something to brighten my day!. Got a joke or story or comment or anything!? Something funny please!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Why cant dinosaurs talk!?
Because theyre all dead!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Because theyre all dead!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three Nuns ?
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit!?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours!." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy!?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time!. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do!?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike!." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water!. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent!.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do!?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning!. Go drink holy water!."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do!?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Redneck Christmas Shopping ?
You know you're a redneck when!.!.!.
you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift!. read it is hilariousWww@Enter-QA@Com
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit!?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours!." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy!?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time!. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do!?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike!." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water!. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent!.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do!?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning!. Go drink holy water!."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do!?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Redneck Christmas Shopping ?
You know you're a redneck when!.!.!.
you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift!. read it is hilariousWww@Enter-QA@Com
LOL @ The Three Nuns Joke!.
As for me!.!.!.
errr!.!.!.
O_OWww@Enter-QA@Com
As for me!.!.!.
errr!.!.!.
O_OWww@Enter-QA@Com
I have a good brainteaser for you:
The Pope has it but he does not use it!.
Your father has it but your mother uses it!.
Nuns do not need it!.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J!. Fox's is quite small!.
What is it!?
--- The answer is: A last name!!
Amusing, huh!.!.!.everybody thinks of something else!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Pope has it but he does not use it!.
Your father has it but your mother uses it!.
Nuns do not need it!.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J!. Fox's is quite small!.
What is it!?
--- The answer is: A last name!!
Amusing, huh!.!.!.everybody thinks of something else!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
you demand that someone get you (your holiness) to make you laugh!! thats a joke !. whats with you and your superiority complex!. you the joke of the day!. its all about how others can serve you hand and footWww@Enter-QA@Com
7 truths of life:
1- you cannot touch all of your teeth with your toungue (try it)
2- all idiots after reading the first truth try it
3-the first truth is a lie
4- youre smiling now cuz ur an idiot
5-you will soon copy and paste this to show another idiot
6-theres still a stupid smile on your face
8- your to stupid to notice this is truth 8 not 7Www@Enter-QA@Com
1- you cannot touch all of your teeth with your toungue (try it)
2- all idiots after reading the first truth try it
3-the first truth is a lie
4- youre smiling now cuz ur an idiot
5-you will soon copy and paste this to show another idiot
6-theres still a stupid smile on your face
8- your to stupid to notice this is truth 8 not 7Www@Enter-QA@Com
These are the jokes I have:
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following
a day of sightseeing!. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a
sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next
table!. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful!. He
asked the waiter, "What is that you just served!?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those
are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning!. A
delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell,
I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor!. There is only one
serving per day because there is only one bull fight each
morning!. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will
be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and
then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy
of the day!. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of
his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are
delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw
you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor!.
Sometimes the bull wins!."
or
John invited his mother over for dinner!. during the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was!. over the course of the evening she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye!. reading his mom's thoughts John said " I know what you must be thinking, but i assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional!." about a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said "ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle!. you don't think she took it do you!?" John said "i doubt it but ill write a letter" so he sat down and wrote "dear mom i am not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house and im not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle but the fact remains it has been missing since you came for dinner" several days later John recieved a letter from his mom who said "dear son, i am not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper and im not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the gravy ladle by now, Love Mom"
or
A cowboy walks into a bar and realizes it's a gay bar!.
But what the heck, he says to himself, "I can really use a drink!."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your weewee!?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a drink!."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your weewee!. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It,' and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his,
Snickers, because it really 'Satisfies!.'"
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over!. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours!?"
The man looks back and says with a smile "Timex," and the thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex!?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours!?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One!." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately!?"
The guy nex t to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY, 'Like A Rock!.'" and gives a wink!.
Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name!. He exclaims, "The name of my weewee is 'SECRET!.' Now give me a beer!."
The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asked, "Why Secret!?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!."
Should children witness childbirth!?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call!. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby!.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked!.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born!. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom!. Connor began to cry!.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked
the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she
had just witnessed!.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
In the first place!.!.!.!.!.!.smack his *** again!"
or
An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee!.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him!.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy!?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy!."
She said, "I'm a lesbian!. I spend my whole day thinking about women!. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women!. When I shower, I
think about women!. When I watch TV, I think about women!. I even think
about women when I eat!. It seems that everything makes me think of
women!."
The two sat sipping in silence!.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy!?! "
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a
lesbian!."
or
A man walks into a pharmacy and says "I need some um you know, protection" The pharmasist says "Ohh I see, umh what size and how many!?" the man replies "Probably alot!.!. Its the big night, If you know what I mean" So he rings him up and the man leaves!. The man and his girl go to her parents house to meet the parents for the very first time!. When they get inside they sit down for dinner and start to pray!.!. They all say amen but the boyfriend keeps praying!.!. And praying !.!.!. and praying!.!. Finally the girlfriend nudges her man and says "You never told me you were so religious" and the man replies "You never told me your dad was a pharmisist"
I hope you like them!
?Www@Enter-QA@Com
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following
a day of sightseeing!. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a
sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next
table!. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful!. He
asked the waiter, "What is that you just served!?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those
are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning!. A
delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell,
I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor!. There is only one
serving per day because there is only one bull fight each
morning!. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will
be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and
then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy
of the day!. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of
his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are
delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw
you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor!.
Sometimes the bull wins!."
or
John invited his mother over for dinner!. during the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was!. over the course of the evening she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye!. reading his mom's thoughts John said " I know what you must be thinking, but i assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional!." about a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said "ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle!. you don't think she took it do you!?" John said "i doubt it but ill write a letter" so he sat down and wrote "dear mom i am not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house and im not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle but the fact remains it has been missing since you came for dinner" several days later John recieved a letter from his mom who said "dear son, i am not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper and im not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the gravy ladle by now, Love Mom"
or
A cowboy walks into a bar and realizes it's a gay bar!.
But what the heck, he says to himself, "I can really use a drink!."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your weewee!?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a drink!."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your weewee!. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It,' and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his,
Snickers, because it really 'Satisfies!.'"
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over!. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours!?"
The man looks back and says with a smile "Timex," and the thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex!?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours!?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One!." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately!?"
The guy nex t to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY, 'Like A Rock!.'" and gives a wink!.
Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name!. He exclaims, "The name of my weewee is 'SECRET!.' Now give me a beer!."
The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asked, "Why Secret!?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!."
Should children witness childbirth!?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call!. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby!.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked!.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born!. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom!. Connor began to cry!.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked
the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she
had just witnessed!.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
In the first place!.!.!.!.!.!.smack his *** again!"
or
An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee!.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him!.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy!?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy!."
She said, "I'm a lesbian!. I spend my whole day thinking about women!. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women!. When I shower, I
think about women!. When I watch TV, I think about women!. I even think
about women when I eat!. It seems that everything makes me think of
women!."
The two sat sipping in silence!.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy!?! "
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a
lesbian!."
or
A man walks into a pharmacy and says "I need some um you know, protection" The pharmasist says "Ohh I see, umh what size and how many!?" the man replies "Probably alot!.!. Its the big night, If you know what I mean" So he rings him up and the man leaves!. The man and his girl go to her parents house to meet the parents for the very first time!. When they get inside they sit down for dinner and start to pray!.!. They all say amen but the boyfriend keeps praying!.!. And praying !.!.!. and praying!.!. Finally the girlfriend nudges her man and says "You never told me you were so religious" and the man replies "You never told me your dad was a pharmisist"
I hope you like them!
?Www@Enter-QA@Com
1!.Why do squirrels swim on their backs!?
2!. Knock Knock, who's there, Don, Don who
3!. A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender asks him if he has a steering wheel in his pants, he replied "Argg!, Its driving me nuts"Www@Enter-QA@Com
2!. Knock Knock, who's there, Don, Don who
3!. A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender asks him if he has a steering wheel in his pants, he replied "Argg!, Its driving me nuts"Www@Enter-QA@Com
An Indian, An Italian, And A Chinese Man Were Stranded On A Desert Island, With No Chance Of Being Rescued!.
One Night, As They Were Resting, A Shark Comes Along And Eats The Italian!.
The Other Two Were Really Shocked And Frightened, And Were Worried That The Shark Would Come Back!.
The Next Night They Both Waited, Anxious!.
And Sure Enough, The Shark Came Along And Ate The Chinese Man!.
The Indian Was Extremely Frightened, Fearing For His Life!.
The Next Night, The Shark Swam Towards The Island, Saw That It Was Only The Indian That Was Left, And Turned Back!.
The Indian Shouted After Him, "Why Didn't You Eat Me!?!"
The Shark Shouted Back, "I Had An Indian Last Week, My @rse Is Still Sore"Www@Enter-QA@Com
One Night, As They Were Resting, A Shark Comes Along And Eats The Italian!.
The Other Two Were Really Shocked And Frightened, And Were Worried That The Shark Would Come Back!.
The Next Night They Both Waited, Anxious!.
And Sure Enough, The Shark Came Along And Ate The Chinese Man!.
The Indian Was Extremely Frightened, Fearing For His Life!.
The Next Night, The Shark Swam Towards The Island, Saw That It Was Only The Indian That Was Left, And Turned Back!.
The Indian Shouted After Him, "Why Didn't You Eat Me!?!"
The Shark Shouted Back, "I Had An Indian Last Week, My @rse Is Still Sore"Www@Enter-QA@Com
HI these are some of the best and the funniest jokes~
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson go on a camping trip!. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson!.
"And what do you deduce from that!?"
Watson ponders for a minute!.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe!. What does it tell you, Holmes!?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby!. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming!. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you"
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out!. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me!. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson go on a camping trip!. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson!.
"And what do you deduce from that!?"
Watson ponders for a minute!.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe!. What does it tell you, Holmes!?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby!. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming!. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you"
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out!. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me!. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight"Www@Enter-QA@Com
George Bush is being giving his daily briefing, he is told that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed!.
"OH NO!" the President exclaims!. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands!.
Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion!?'Www@Enter-QA@Com
"OH NO!" the President exclaims!. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands!.
Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion!?'Www@Enter-QA@Com
Does the S in your name stand for snow!?
How do know you have a brain if you have never seen it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
How do know you have a brain if you have never seen it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
WATS ONE PLUS 1 !.!. A WINDOWWww@Enter-QA@Com
Stupid terrorist went into a restaurant and stabbed himself,
THREE PEOPLE DIED FROM LAUGHTING!Www@Enter-QA@Com
THREE PEOPLE DIED FROM LAUGHTING!Www@Enter-QA@Com