Jokes:please list your best jokes?!
Question: Jokes:please list your best jokes!?
Would like some help, I only know a few good jokes!. ThanksWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A few of mine
A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar!. She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks:
“What man out there will buy a lady a drink!?”
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact!. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says:
“Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!”
The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink!. A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking:
“What man out there will buy a lady a drink!?”
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says:
“Bartender, I’d like to buy the ballerina another drink!”
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina!?” The drunk replies, “Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!”!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Grandpa Jones was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared!. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled!. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now!.”
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime!.
“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago!. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge!. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk!.”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks!. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold!. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up!. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist!. Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game!. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure!. That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly!. “Why are you crying!?” the father asked!. “Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken!.” answered the pessimist twin!. Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure!. “What are you so happy about!?” he asked!. To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Bill and Earl are out playing golf!. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing!. Bill says, “Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishin’ in the rain!”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT!.” After thinking for a minute, he said to himself, “oh well!” and turned around and drove home!. On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES!.” By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms!.
If you like it 10 points pleaseWww@Enter-QA@Com
A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar!. She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks:
“What man out there will buy a lady a drink!?”
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact!. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says:
“Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!”
The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink!. A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking:
“What man out there will buy a lady a drink!?”
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says:
“Bartender, I’d like to buy the ballerina another drink!”
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina!?” The drunk replies, “Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!”!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Grandpa Jones was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared!. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled!. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now!.”
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime!.
“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago!. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge!. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk!.”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks!. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold!. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up!. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist!. Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game!. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure!. That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly!. “Why are you crying!?” the father asked!. “Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken!.” answered the pessimist twin!. Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure!. “What are you so happy about!?” he asked!. To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Bill and Earl are out playing golf!. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing!. Bill says, “Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishin’ in the rain!”
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT!.” After thinking for a minute, he said to himself, “oh well!” and turned around and drove home!. On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES!.” By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms!.
If you like it 10 points pleaseWww@Enter-QA@Com