Wots the best joke you know?!
Question: Wots the best joke you know!?
Answers:
FIRST PAY CHECK
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little
5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time!.
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot!. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot!.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing the workers!.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot!. They chatted with her, let her ! Sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important!.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars!. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar 'pay' she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account!.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age!. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us!.'
My goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too!?'
The little girl replied, 'I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the ******* sheet rock!.'
Don't stories like this just bring a tear to your eye!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
A man escaped from prison where he has been for 15 years
He breaks into a house to look for money & guns
But he finds a young couple in bed
He orders the guy out of bed & ties him yo a chair
While tieing the girl to the bed he gets on top of her and kisses her neck
& gets up & goes into the bathroom
While he is in there the husband tells his wife!.!.!.
"Listen this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes, he is probably spent lots of time in jail & hasn't seen a women in years, I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you, satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you, this guy is probably dangerous & if he get angry he may kill you, so be strong hunny, I Love You"
To which his wife responds!.!.
"He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear, he told me he was gay & thought you were cute, he asked if we had any Vaseline, I told him it was in the bathroom, so be strong hunny, I Love You Too!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little
5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time!.
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot!. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot!.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing the workers!.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot!. They chatted with her, let her ! Sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important!.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars!. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar 'pay' she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account!.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age!. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us!.'
My goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too!?'
The little girl replied, 'I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the ******* sheet rock!.'
Don't stories like this just bring a tear to your eye!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
A man escaped from prison where he has been for 15 years
He breaks into a house to look for money & guns
But he finds a young couple in bed
He orders the guy out of bed & ties him yo a chair
While tieing the girl to the bed he gets on top of her and kisses her neck
& gets up & goes into the bathroom
While he is in there the husband tells his wife!.!.!.
"Listen this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes, he is probably spent lots of time in jail & hasn't seen a women in years, I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you, satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you, this guy is probably dangerous & if he get angry he may kill you, so be strong hunny, I Love You"
To which his wife responds!.!.
"He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear, he told me he was gay & thought you were cute, he asked if we had any Vaseline, I told him it was in the bathroom, so be strong hunny, I Love You Too!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work!. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway!.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied!. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window!. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them!. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could!. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer!.
"Do you always run in the nude!?" one asked!.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air!. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side!. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm!?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly!. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run!?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied!. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window!. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them!. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could!. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer!.
"Do you always run in the nude!?" one asked!.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air!. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side!. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm!?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly!. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run!?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The sentence, "Wots the best joke you know"Www@Enter-QA@Com
hi,go eat an apple!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
cant decide heres a few of my favs sorry if its lots
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
A couple had been married for 50 years!.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years!."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together!."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago!."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say!.!.!.should we get naked!?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table!.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps!. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse!. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there!.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born!?" she asked!.
He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back!. I'll take care of expenses!." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy!.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means!."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you!."
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack!. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room!. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife!. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest!.
So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!?
PALM DAY!!!!
There were two blondes going to Disneyland!. They saw this road sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
A couple had been married for 50 years!.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years!."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together!."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago!."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say!.!.!.should we get naked!?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table!.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps!. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse!. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there!.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born!?" she asked!.
He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back!. I'll take care of expenses!." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy!.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means!."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you!."
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack!. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room!. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife!. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest!.
So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!?
PALM DAY!!!!
There were two blondes going to Disneyland!. They saw this road sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home!.Www@Enter-QA@Com