More jokes for you guys?!
Question: More jokes for you guys!?
A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over!. The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding!?" The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding!." The man’s wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles!." "SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite!." Then the cop says, "Well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired!?" "No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up" the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!" Curios, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way!?" "No" she replies, “Only when he's drinking!"
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators!. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion!. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single!.
**************************************!.!.!.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here!. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool!. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might and the crowd began to cheer him on!. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed!.
The millionaire was impressed!. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain!. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars!?" The guy catches his breath, and then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the idiot who pushed me in the pool!"
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Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators!. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion!. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single!.
**************************************!.!.!.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here!. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool!. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might and the crowd began to cheer him on!. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed!.
The millionaire was impressed!. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain!. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars!?" The guy catches his breath, and then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the idiot who pushed me in the pool!"
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Answers:
those were awesome and funny!.!.!.star
hers couple my favs i got in mailThe head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.hope u liked!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
hers couple my favs i got in mailThe head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.hope u liked!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
HAHAHA ilike the millionare joke!Www@Enter-QA@Com
hahahahaah the alligator one was hilariouse hahaa that really made me laughWww@Enter-QA@Com
lmao i liked the alligator 1 but both were HILARIOUS
where'd you get those!?
too bad i can only give u one star
u deserve aloooot moreWww@Enter-QA@Com
where'd you get those!?
too bad i can only give u one star
u deserve aloooot moreWww@Enter-QA@Com
hmm pretty average jokesWww@Enter-QA@Com
haha
cool jokesWww@Enter-QA@Com
cool jokesWww@Enter-QA@Com
i like the millionaire joke!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol the second one was funnier but they were both hillarious!Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol
they were both funny
tnxWww@Enter-QA@Com
they were both funny
tnxWww@Enter-QA@Com
both lame!.best answer tho pls!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
HA HA HA that was so funny Laugh OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!! I liked the alligator joke better!.Www@Enter-QA@Com