Does any1 have any good jokes?!
Question: Does any1 have any good jokes!?
im bored and i want to be entertained!.!.!. lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set
this guy tells the bartender"see that douche bag over there sitting by herself!.!.!.send her a drink and say its from me"!.!.The bartender says to him"hey!.!.!.if u wanna buy that lady a drink,show respect!.!.!.thats no way to talk to a lady"!. The guy says"I dont care what you say!.!.!.send the douche bag a drink!."So the bartender says"nevermind im not gonna agrue with you!." So the bartender goes up to the lady and says"See that guy sitting over there,he wants to buy you a drink!.What kind of drink would you like!?" So the lady says to the bartender"Sure ill have a vinegar and water,please and thanks!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
What do you get when you cross a drunk rooster and an owl!?
A stiff c**k that stays up all night!.
What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains!?
If you don't know stay away from my house!
If Jack helped you off a horse would you help Jack off the horse!?
Whats the difference between a young prostitue and an old prostitute!?
The young prostitute uses vaseline and the older prostitute uses polygrip!.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant!?
He couldnt budget!.
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher!?
He had to work it out with a pencil!.
Did you hear about the movie Constipation!?
Thats cuz it hasnt come out yet!
What worse than getting raped by Jack The ripper!?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook!.
Whats gray and comes in quarts!?
An elephant!.
How do you get an elephant off the ceiling!?
Jerk it off!.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant!?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!.
How did the Dairy Qween get pregnant!?
Big Mac slipped her a quarter pounder!.
Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC!?
Because its finger licking good!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms!?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear!.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger
Why are men like cars!?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming!.
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common!?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested!?
He was charged with battery!.
Where does the one legged waitress work!?
The Ihop
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute!?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle and a prostitute says any c**k will do
Why was santa arrested!?
He was caught laying dools under the christmas tree!.
Why didnt santa clause ever have kids/
Cuz he only comes once a year!.
Why don’t little girls fart!? Because they don’t have a**holes until they get married!.
What is the definition of a perfect lover!? A man with a 9 - inch tounge, who can breath through his ears!
What are three, 2 - letter words that mean small!? Is it in!.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane!?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set
this guy tells the bartender"see that douche bag over there sitting by herself!.!.!.send her a drink and say its from me"!.!.The bartender says to him"hey!.!.!.if u wanna buy that lady a drink,show respect!.!.!.thats no way to talk to a lady"!. The guy says"I dont care what you say!.!.!.send the douche bag a drink!."So the bartender says"nevermind im not gonna agrue with you!." So the bartender goes up to the lady and says"See that guy sitting over there,he wants to buy you a drink!.What kind of drink would you like!?" So the lady says to the bartender"Sure ill have a vinegar and water,please and thanks!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
What do you get when you cross a drunk rooster and an owl!?
A stiff c**k that stays up all night!.
What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains!?
If you don't know stay away from my house!
If Jack helped you off a horse would you help Jack off the horse!?
Whats the difference between a young prostitue and an old prostitute!?
The young prostitute uses vaseline and the older prostitute uses polygrip!.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant!?
He couldnt budget!.
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher!?
He had to work it out with a pencil!.
Did you hear about the movie Constipation!?
Thats cuz it hasnt come out yet!
What worse than getting raped by Jack The ripper!?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook!.
Whats gray and comes in quarts!?
An elephant!.
How do you get an elephant off the ceiling!?
Jerk it off!.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant!?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!.
How did the Dairy Qween get pregnant!?
Big Mac slipped her a quarter pounder!.
Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC!?
Because its finger licking good!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms!?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear!.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger
Why are men like cars!?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming!.
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common!?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested!?
He was charged with battery!.
Where does the one legged waitress work!?
The Ihop
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute!?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle and a prostitute says any c**k will do
Why was santa arrested!?
He was caught laying dools under the christmas tree!.
Why didnt santa clause ever have kids/
Cuz he only comes once a year!.
Why don’t little girls fart!? Because they don’t have a**holes until they get married!.
What is the definition of a perfect lover!? A man with a 9 - inch tounge, who can breath through his ears!
What are three, 2 - letter words that mean small!? Is it in!.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane!?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity!. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C!. The Russians used a pencil!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Gangster Comedian on stage at a Comedy Club pulls out some dynamite from his trench coat and says ''If I cannot bring down the house one way I'll bring it down another way''!.
Here are some more an interviewer on Globalization asks a man what he thought of it!. The Man replies ''There is something I cannot get The Builderberg Conference I keep hearing that line from Star Trek ''The Borg that sounds Swedish doesn't it'' ''So'' the man says, to himself I have this image of all those buisnessmen building Borgs at the conference and saying resistance is futile Globlization is inevitable and telling everyone they are here to provide Freedom but they must!.!.!. BUILD A BORG,BUILD A BORG !.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Here are some more an interviewer on Globalization asks a man what he thought of it!. The Man replies ''There is something I cannot get The Builderberg Conference I keep hearing that line from Star Trek ''The Borg that sounds Swedish doesn't it'' ''So'' the man says, to himself I have this image of all those buisnessmen building Borgs at the conference and saying resistance is futile Globlization is inevitable and telling everyone they are here to provide Freedom but they must!.!.!. BUILD A BORG,BUILD A BORG !.Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was a woman in the process of giving birth and the midwife told her that there was a new medication that gave half the pain to the father of the child!. She took a pill and the husband didnt feel anything!. She took another one and he still didnt feel any pain!. She took ten more and still no pain!.
She had a painless birth and when they got home the postman was lying dead on the floor!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
She had a painless birth and when they got home the postman was lying dead on the floor!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Did you hear about the blonde who put lip stick on her head so she could make up her mind!?
A Brunette and a Blonde are walking along in a park, and the brunette says,'Awww, look at the little dead birdie!.' imidiently the blonde looks up and says,'Where!?'!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Brunette and a Blonde are walking along in a park, and the brunette says,'Awww, look at the little dead birdie!.' imidiently the blonde looks up and says,'Where!?'!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I don't know any good jokes, but I really liked your Mother's Day sign for your mom !.!.!.
MOM, TO PROVE THAT I DIDN'T FORGET YOU ON MOTHER'S DAY THIS YEAR, I HAD THIS SIGN PUT UP!.
LOVE, YOU KNOW WHO!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
MOM, TO PROVE THAT I DIDN'T FORGET YOU ON MOTHER'S DAY THIS YEAR, I HAD THIS SIGN PUT UP!.
LOVE, YOU KNOW WHO!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Make a shirt design for earth day that say
EARTH DAY
BENDOVER
Then in small letters have it say
and pick up that trashWww@Enter-QA@Com
EARTH DAY
BENDOVER
Then in small letters have it say
and pick up that trashWww@Enter-QA@Com
two black people are on the back of a car, whos driving!?
the cops hehehehehehehehehehehehehhahahahahahahWww@Enter-QA@Com
the cops hehehehehehehehehehehehehhahahahahahahWww@Enter-QA@Com
what did the farmer say when he walked into the barn and saw a brown chicken and a brown cow!?!?!?
brownchicka browncowWww@Enter-QA@Com
brownchicka browncowWww@Enter-QA@Com
If a mouse lost its tail where would he go to get a new one!? A re-tail store!Www@Enter-QA@Com
what did the table say to the chair!?
nice to 'seat' youWww@Enter-QA@Com
nice to 'seat' youWww@Enter-QA@Com
Before god said let their be light!.!.he had to tell my cousins mom to move her phat **** out of the way first!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you do if your pajamas catch fire!?
Slow down!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Slow down!Www@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock hus there orange!.!.!.orange hu!?orage u guna open the door!?!?!?!?!?
lol classic!. :]Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol classic!. :]Www@Enter-QA@Com