Joke Contest #2 !!!! !0 Point Give-away?!


Question: Joke Contest #2 !!!! !0 Point Give-away!?
This is my second joke contest!. Good Luck!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
A man died and went to straight down to hell!. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place!. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity!.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe!. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room!. So they moved on!.

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured!. It looked so painful the man could not watch!. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on!.

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing!. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop!. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right!.

The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat!. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice!. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"

**************************************!.!.!.

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt!.

The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where!."

The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"

Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"

She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"

She looked at her doctor and said, "See!? It hurts everywhere!"

The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious!. You''ve just got a broken index finger!."

**************************************!.!.!.

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital!. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed!. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died!.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket!. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note!. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service!. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

**************************************!.!.!.

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder!.

"I have an idea," said Mike!. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder!."

"What, do you think I'm stupid!? I have an idea!. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light!."

"What, do you think I'm stupid!? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there!."

**************************************!.!.!.

Little Nancy's Pet

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence!. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy!?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him!."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it!?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!."



**************************************!.!.!.

A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"

The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape!?"

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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building!.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,



'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building!.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and Exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too!.'

The blonde opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too!.'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death!.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too!.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well!.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping!. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much!.'

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife!. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me!. He makes his own lunch!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news!. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge!. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned!. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend!." The blonde said, "No!. A bet's a bet!."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money!."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

A brunette is standing on the side of a highway shouting "99, 99, 99,99!.!.!."

A blonde comes up and says, "That looks like fun! I want to try!." So the blonde jumps up and down shouting "99, 99, 99, 99!.!.!."

The brunette than says, "Good job!. You should try it in the road!.
The blonde says ok!. So she goes in the road and shouts, "99,99,99," Then she gets hit by a car!.

The brunette then starts shouting, "100, 100, 100, 100!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

a brunette goes to the doctor,and says, "Doctor, I'm hurting all over my body!."
"that's odd",replied the doctor,"Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain!.She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on!.
The doctor says,"Your not a natural brunette are you!?"
"No, I'm a blonde", she replies!.
"I thought so!.!.!.!.!.your fingers broken!."replies the doctor!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Three men were sitting on the train going home!.

"When I get in, I'm going to pour myself a large whisky, put my feet up and relax" said the first man!.

"Well I'm going to strip off, get into the sauna and sweat out all the tension of the day," said the second man!.

"And when I get in, I'm going to take the wife's knickers off," said the third man!.

The other two looked at him and winked!.
"You're a randy old sod," they said laughing!.

"No, no, no, they're just too tight for me," he replied!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

2 muffins in an oven, one says "is it hot in here!?" and the other says, "Holy Crap a talking muffin!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

what makes a drug dealer and a Hooker different!? the hooker can wash her crack and sell it againWww@Enter-QA@Com

Leo T is awesome! lol

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck, could Chuck Norris!?



All of it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

2 peanuts were walking down the street!.!.!. one got a salted!.

I know its lame but!.!.!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com

What's dr!. Who's favirote food!?

Dalek bread!Www@Enter-QA@Com

your mother is so fat, when i asked hew to lick my chops, she ran halfway to new zealand to lick a cigar butt and then spit up like a li'l baby all over da pwetty wittle kangawoos who cawied hew in da pouches 'til she twode up all over da wittle babies, den da kangawoos spitted up all ova da mom, and she dieded, tha end!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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