The best joke will win 10 points!?!


Question: The best joke will win 10 points!!?
How funny are you!?Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
A professor is giving the first year medical students their
first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few
basics before starting!. "You must be capable of two things
to do an autopsy!. The first thing is that you must have no
sense of fear!." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger
into the dead man's anus, and then licks it!.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses
in front of them!. After a minute’s silence, they
follow suit!.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of
observation I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus,
but I licked my index!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

ok here is the best joke and thanks for the ten points

A businessman meets a beautiful girl
and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for $500!. So they do!. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment, "Rent For Apartment!."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price!. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and encloses the following typed note:

"Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment!. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1) It had never been occupied;
2) There was plenty of heat;
3) It was small enough to make me cozy and at home!.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large!."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

"Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely!. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on!. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed regular, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

Dormitories

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all
male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students!. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be
fined $20 the first time!."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60!. Being caught a third
time will cost you a fine of $180!. Are there any questions!?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately!.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next!.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections!. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded!. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed!.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1!. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary!. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide!. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it!.

2!. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour!.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise!.”

3!. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation!.

4!. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”)!. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication!.

5!. There is no such thing as “US English!.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf!. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize!.”

6!. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above)!.

7!. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday!. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England!. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day!.”
8!. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists!. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent!. Guns should only be handled by adults!. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun!.

9!. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler!. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public!.

10!. All American cars are hereby banned!. They are crap and this is for your own good!. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean!.

11!. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect!. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour!.

12!. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) - roughly $8/US per gallon!. Get used to it!.

13!. You will learn to make real chips!. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps!.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar!.

14!. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers!.

15!. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all!. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager!.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion!.

16!. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys!. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters!. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater!.

17!. You will cease playing American “football!.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”!. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies - English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”)!.

18!. Further, you will stop playing baseball!. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America!. Since only 2!.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven!.

19!. You must tell us who killed JFK!. It’s been driving us mad!.

20!. An internal revenue agent (i!.e!. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776!.

Thank you for your co-operation!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters!. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day!."
The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work!. On my way to work I got in an accident!. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me!. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend!."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife!?"
The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again!."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend!?"
The guy says, "I said BAD DOG!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

Santa was doing experiment with cockroach
==================================

Santa was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK!. WALK!. Cockroach walked!. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same!.
Cockroach walked!. Then cut the third leg and did the same!. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk!.
Suddenly Santa said loudly, "I found it!. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

This little girl and boy are sitting together naked and the little boy asked the little girl "what's that!?" and she says "i don't know!." The girl asked the little boy "what's that!?" and he says he doesn't know!. They go home and ask their parents!. The little boy's dad says "That is your limo, you wanna park it in all the girls garages!." The little girl's mom says "That is your garage, you don't want to let any guys park their limos in it!." The little girl comes home from school the next day with blood all over her!. When her mom asks what happened she says "Some guy tried to park his limo in my garage so i popped his 2 front tires!."


My karma ran over your dogma!.

Hope these made you laugh!Www@Enter-QA@Com

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense!. The prize was a trip to Bali!.

DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name!?"
Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave!."
DJ: "Dave, what's your word!?"
Caller: "Goan!.!.!. spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'!."
DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary!. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense!?"
Caller: "Goan f*ck yourself!"

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: "96 FM, what's your name!?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff!."
DJ: "Jeff, what's your word!?"
Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'!."
DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary!. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense!?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan f*ck yourself!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

Lesson in Marketing~

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich!. Marry me!"
-That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl!. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich!. Marry him!."
-That's Advertising

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and get her telephone number!. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm
very rich!. Marry me!."
-That's Telemarketing

You're at a party and see gorgeous girl!. You get up and straighten our tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: “By the way, I'm rich!. Will you marry me!?"
-That's Public Relations

You're at a party and see gorgeous girl!. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me!?"
-That's Brand Recognition

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich!. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face!.
-That's Customer Feedback

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich!. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband!.
-That's demand and supply gap

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich!. Will you marry me!?" and she goes with him!.
-That's competition eating into your market share

You see a gorgeous girl at a party!. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives!.
-That's restriction for entering new marketsWww@Enter-QA@Com

This iz crime story
5 frndz lived in a room
Namely
MAD
BRAIN
FOOL
NOBODY
SOMEBODY
1day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY!.
At that time BRAIN was in bathroom,
MAD called police!.
MAD:Is it police station!?
Police:Yes,wht iz the matter!?
MAD:SOMEBODY killed NOBODY!.
Police:R u mad!?
MAD:Yes,i"m MAD!.
Police:Dnt u've BRAIN!.
MAD:BRAIN iz in bathroom!.!.
Police:U FOOL!.!.!.
MAD:No,FOOL is reading this!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

A man goes into the doctors and asks him for advice
"im really down, how do i make myself happy again"!. The doctor replies "well, what i do when im down is make love to my wife"!. The man leaves!.

The next day he comes bk, he doctor asks "are you feeling any happier then", the man replies: "yes thanks, you have a very nice house by the way"!.

or a better one!!

A man has a date with this amazingly blonde haired women so he decides to tan up everything, and i mean EVERYTHING!.
Later that day he has a seriously bad sunburn on his penis!. In pain, he asks a doctor for advice, "well, heres one way!. Stick your thing into a glass of milk when it starts to really burn"!.

so later that night hes with his date, and he feels the sudden burn in his pants!.!.so he rushes to the milk, pours it in the glass and sticks it in!. The blonde see's this happening -
"wow! so thats how u reload those things"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Here goes:

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken!." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities!. The Pope declined!. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again!. This time with a 50 million dollar offer!. Again the Pope declined!. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts!. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format!. The good news is!.!.!. that we have 100 million dollars for charities!. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

Hoped you liked it!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com

A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."


so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

Car crash with the seven dwarfs

Guy to a judge: Well your honor, I was rear-ended by a car this morning!.!.!. right then I knew it was going to be a really bad day! When the driver got out of his car, I realized he was a dwarf as were the other people in his car!.
He looked up at me and said, "I am not happy!"So I said, "Well, which one are you then!?"
And That's how the fight started!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

A professor was giving a lecture in a class "Semem contains more glucose than Sugar"
A student, even before realising what she was saying, raises her doubt, "then why doesn't it taste sweet"
Professor: Because taste buds are on the tongue not on the throat!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer!. The waiter gives him the beer and asks him

"Do you realize that you have a steering wheels down the front of your pants!?"

"Argh!" the pirate replies "Drives me nuts!"

Ta-daaaa!Www@Enter-QA@Com

two muffins are sitting in the oven a little while later the muffin leans over and says boy its hot in here the other one says aaaaaahhhhh a talking muffinWww@Enter-QA@Com

KNOCK KNOCK

WHO'S THERE

GUESS WHO

GUESS WHO WHAT

GUESS WHO WHATS KNOCKIN

WHERE!?!?

ON YOUR DOOR

I DON'T HAVE A DOOR I LIVE IN A TEPEE


HA HA HA HA HA HA - END OF JOKEWww@Enter-QA@Com

Girl : I finally found a person that acts like and owl!!!!!

Boy: Who!?

Girl: Now I found two people that act like an owl!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com

Religion!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

hmmm!.!.!. what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend!? he wiped his a$$Www@Enter-QA@Com

he who stands on toilet, is high on pot!.

O!.oWww@Enter-QA@Com

too funny for you!. haWww@Enter-QA@Com



The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007 enter-qa.com -   Contact us

Entertainment Categories