Wanna make me laugh?!
Question: Wanna make me laugh!?
I've been kind of upset about something today, and I REALLY need a good laugh!. First person to make me laugh hysterically gets best answer!.!.!.
Please!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Please!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Heres a joke I already posted:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family!. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr!. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off!. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale!.
"Good morning, madam!. I've come to!.!.!.!."
"Oh, no need to explain!. I've been expecting you," Mrs!. Smith cut in!.
"Really!?" the photographer asked!. "Well, good!. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped!. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start!?"
"Leave everything to me!. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed!. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor!? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time!. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of!.!.!.!.!." gasped Mrs!. Smith!.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time!. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs!. Smith said quietly!.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures!.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs!. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief!.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult!?" asked Mrs!. Smith!.
"Yes, I'm afraid so!. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right!. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep!?" asked Mrs!. Smith, eyes widened in amazement!.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too!. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling!. I could hardly concentrate!.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots!. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in!."
Mrs!. Smith leaned forward!. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um!.!.!.!.!.!.equipment!?"
"That's right!. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work!."
"Tripod!?!?!?!?!?"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on!. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long!. Madam!? Madam!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!. Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family!. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr!. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off!. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale!.
"Good morning, madam!. I've come to!.!.!.!."
"Oh, no need to explain!. I've been expecting you," Mrs!. Smith cut in!.
"Really!?" the photographer asked!. "Well, good!. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped!. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start!?"
"Leave everything to me!. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed!. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor!? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time!. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of!.!.!.!.!." gasped Mrs!. Smith!.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time!. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs!. Smith said quietly!.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures!.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs!. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief!.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult!?" asked Mrs!. Smith!.
"Yes, I'm afraid so!. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right!. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep!?" asked Mrs!. Smith, eyes widened in amazement!.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too!. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling!. I could hardly concentrate!.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots!. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in!."
Mrs!. Smith leaned forward!. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um!.!.!.!.!.!.equipment!?"
"That's right!. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work!."
"Tripod!?!?!?!?!?"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on!. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long!. Madam!? Madam!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!. Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room!. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks!."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house!. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS!. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language!."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train!. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you!. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one!. We hope you will ride with us again soon!." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat!. Remember, there is no smoking on the train!. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today!."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house!. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS!. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language!."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train!. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you!. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one!. We hope you will ride with us again soon!." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat!. Remember, there is no smoking on the train!. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today!."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A bear and a rabbit take a stroll in the woods!. They come about a magic lamp!. a genie comes out and offers to grant them three wishes!.
the bear goes first and says "i wish all the bears in the wood be females"
the rabbit goes next "i wish for a life time supply of carrots"
then the bear says "i wish for all the bears in the country to be females"
the rabbit then wishes " i wish for a motorcycle i can ride on"
the bear then turns to the rabbit wondering why he would waste his wishes on silly things and goes "i wish for all the bears in the world to be female"
the rabbit then thinks for a little while, then goes "for my final wish, i wish for the bear to be gay"!. then he hops on his motorcycle and drives off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the bear goes first and says "i wish all the bears in the wood be females"
the rabbit goes next "i wish for a life time supply of carrots"
then the bear says "i wish for all the bears in the country to be females"
the rabbit then wishes " i wish for a motorcycle i can ride on"
the bear then turns to the rabbit wondering why he would waste his wishes on silly things and goes "i wish for all the bears in the world to be female"
the rabbit then thinks for a little while, then goes "for my final wish, i wish for the bear to be gay"!. then he hops on his motorcycle and drives off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
cheer up!
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish!. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St!.Peter!.
St!.Peter asks the first girl, “Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis!?”She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger!.”St!. Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate!.”St!. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis!?”The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one!.”St!. Peter says, “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate!.”All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line!.When she reaches the front of the line St!. Peter says, “Lisa! What seems to be the rush!?”The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her *** in it!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
St!.Peter asks the first girl, “Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis!?”She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger!.”St!. Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate!.”St!. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis!?”The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one!.”St!. Peter says, “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate!.”All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line!.When she reaches the front of the line St!. Peter says, “Lisa! What seems to be the rush!?”The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her *** in it!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
3 men were in the forest and got caught by cannibals!. The cannibal king said that if they followed 2 tasks, they would not eat them!. The first task they had to go out into the forest and bring back 10 of the same fruit!.
The first guy came back with apples!. The cannibal king said he had to shove them up his but without any facial expressions!. " 1!.!.!.2!.!.!.!.!.3!.!.!.!.4" On the 4th one he winced in pain, so they ate him!.
The second guy came back with blueberries!. The king repeated what he told the first guy!. "1!.!.!.2!.!.!.3!.!.!.4!.!.!.5!.!.!.6!.!.!.7!.!.!.8" On the 8th one he burst out laughing, so they ate him
In heaven, the first and the second guy met up!. The first guy said, "Hey! Why did you laugh!? You almost made it!"!. The second guy replied,"I just couldn't help it!.!.!. I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples!!!"
joke 2:
2 guys met in heaven!. The first guy asked the other guy how he died!. "I was trapped in a freezer!. How about you!?" "I found out that my wife slept with another man!. I ran all around the house looking for him!. I checked everywhere, but never found him!. All the running ended in a heart-attack!." "!.!.!.!.!.!.!.WOW!.!.!.!. Ya know, if you checked in the freezer, we'd both be alive right now!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The first guy came back with apples!. The cannibal king said he had to shove them up his but without any facial expressions!. " 1!.!.!.2!.!.!.!.!.3!.!.!.!.4" On the 4th one he winced in pain, so they ate him!.
The second guy came back with blueberries!. The king repeated what he told the first guy!. "1!.!.!.2!.!.!.3!.!.!.4!.!.!.5!.!.!.6!.!.!.7!.!.!.8" On the 8th one he burst out laughing, so they ate him
In heaven, the first and the second guy met up!. The first guy said, "Hey! Why did you laugh!? You almost made it!"!. The second guy replied,"I just couldn't help it!.!.!. I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples!!!"
joke 2:
2 guys met in heaven!. The first guy asked the other guy how he died!. "I was trapped in a freezer!. How about you!?" "I found out that my wife slept with another man!. I ran all around the house looking for him!. I checked everywhere, but never found him!. All the running ended in a heart-attack!." "!.!.!.!.!.!.!.WOW!.!.!.!. Ya know, if you checked in the freezer, we'd both be alive right now!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
I am not funny, but i can tell you an embarrasing story, today i was standing next to my all time idle and i did not notice but she was right behind me, and i made a really wierd sound cuz i was being recorded and i did not know she was therre!! IT WAS EMBARRASSING!Www@Enter-QA@Com
I'll make you laugh if you can explain something to me!. I have very dark brown hair!. Both my parents are blondes!. Every time my dad tells someone I got my hair color from his great, great, great step-grandfather, my mom busts out laughing!. What gives!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ever notice how Spongebob is square but his parents are round!? Mrs!. Squarepants is cheating with some Swiss cheese! Everyone should call him by his real name: Spongebob Cheesepants
well its originalWww@Enter-QA@Com
well its originalWww@Enter-QA@Com
What is the difference between a hippie and a hockey player!? A hockey player showers after three periods!.haWww@Enter-QA@Com