Something Funny?!
Question: Something Funny!?
I am really bored!. So I've decided to have a little contest!. I want everybody to tell me there funniest joke!. The winner gets ten points!.
P!.S!. the jokes can be about anything!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
P!.S!. the jokes can be about anything!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
lol you are a guy so you should find this one funny but cringe at the end, you'll see what I mean lol
Chinese Torture
A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house!. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard!. "I'm lost," said the young man!. "Can you put me up for the night!?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition!. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man!." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house!.
During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs!. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body!. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal!. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone!. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion!. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn't hear!. Near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy!.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest!. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest!." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought!."If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about!." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out!.
As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle!." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut!. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder!.
As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Chinese Torture
A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house!. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard!. "I'm lost," said the young man!. "Can you put me up for the night!?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition!. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man!." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house!.
During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs!. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body!. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal!. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone!. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion!. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn't hear!. Near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy!.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest!. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest!." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought!."If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about!." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out!.
As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle!." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut!. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder!.
As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
a mum was walking with her 3 year old kid in the park and the kid saw to teenagers having sex on a bench the kid said "mummy what are they doing the mum replied baking cakes!."
the next day the mum and the kid went to the zoo the kid saw to monkeys having sex and said "mummy what are they doing!.the mum replied "baking cakes "!.
the next day when the mum and kid were having breakfast the kid said " why were you and daddy baking cakes on the sofa" the mum said "how do you know that!?" then the kid said " i licked the icing of the sofa!"
no one copy this joke!!!!
hope it made ya laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
the next day the mum and the kid went to the zoo the kid saw to monkeys having sex and said "mummy what are they doing!.the mum replied "baking cakes "!.
the next day when the mum and kid were having breakfast the kid said " why were you and daddy baking cakes on the sofa" the mum said "how do you know that!?" then the kid said " i licked the icing of the sofa!"
no one copy this joke!!!!
hope it made ya laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
So sorry if this offends someone;
Even though we are ruled under the same Queen, England and Australia are very, VERY different places with different ways of life!.
There is no better example of this than barbeques!.
In Australia barbeques are masterpieces, neatly stacked pyramids of bone dry wood with thin twists f neswpaper for kindling!. The meat is cooked slowly and watched so that it is cooked to perfection!
But in England!? Well we grab a 20 ton bag of chracoal, throw it on the barby, pour a few bottles of lighter fluid on top, phone NASA for clearance, set that baby on fire, burn off the eyebrows of everyone in a 2 mile radius then stick the food in the microwave!. Delicious!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Even though we are ruled under the same Queen, England and Australia are very, VERY different places with different ways of life!.
There is no better example of this than barbeques!.
In Australia barbeques are masterpieces, neatly stacked pyramids of bone dry wood with thin twists f neswpaper for kindling!. The meat is cooked slowly and watched so that it is cooked to perfection!
But in England!? Well we grab a 20 ton bag of chracoal, throw it on the barby, pour a few bottles of lighter fluid on top, phone NASA for clearance, set that baby on fire, burn off the eyebrows of everyone in a 2 mile radius then stick the food in the microwave!. Delicious!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the road!. There is a little boy coming down the other side of the road!. The Priest looks at the Rabbi and says "let's go screw him", the Rabbi looks back at the Priest and says "out of what!?"
A mexican walks into a bar and sits down!. The bartender is black and the mexican says "give me a beer n*****"!. The bartender says "don't call me a n*****" and gives him the beer!. Later the mexican calls to the bartender "hey n***** give me another beer!" The bartender comes over madder than ever and says, "how would you like if I came in here and treated you that way!?" So the mexican goes behind the bar and the bartender goes outside and walks back in yelling "hey beaner, give me a beer"!. The mexican looks at him and says "we don't serve n***** in here"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A mexican walks into a bar and sits down!. The bartender is black and the mexican says "give me a beer n*****"!. The bartender says "don't call me a n*****" and gives him the beer!. Later the mexican calls to the bartender "hey n***** give me another beer!" The bartender comes over madder than ever and says, "how would you like if I came in here and treated you that way!?" So the mexican goes behind the bar and the bartender goes outside and walks back in yelling "hey beaner, give me a beer"!. The mexican looks at him and says "we don't serve n***** in here"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A construction worker, doctor, and a dentist all have their own buildings lined up!. The one in the middle is the doctor's!. everyday for lunch they go to the roof of his building!. The dentist says"if my wife sends me a sandwich 1 more time, I will jump off this building!. The doctor and the construction worker say the same thing except with salad, and macaroni!. The next day they get the same things in their lunch and their wives are crying some words at the funerals"If only they told us to send something different!" Then stop and stare at the dentis's wife and wonder why she isn't crrying!."why aren't you crying, your husband just died!?" The dentist's wife replied"He packs his own lunch"Www@Enter-QA@Com
there is a woman who works at a local telemarketer agency she goes to get water every day at the same time and a man follows her around and tells her that her hair smells good so finally she reports to the boss as sexual harassment the boss asks" how is that sexual harassment,he was only telling you your hair smells good!." the womans reply was" its kevin, the midget!Www@Enter-QA@Com
This is one I just came across and I LOL'd XD
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A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money!."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
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A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money!."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
yo momma is sooo white she glows in the dark
heres another && im not being racist but heard it around
what do u say when u c a tv floating in the middle of the night!?
drop it ******!Www@Enter-QA@Com
heres another && im not being racist but heard it around
what do u say when u c a tv floating in the middle of the night!?
drop it ******!Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol yo mama put on fishnets 2 be holyWww@Enter-QA@Com
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com