Funniest joke you've ever heard! 10 points for best!?!
Question: Funniest joke you've ever heard! 10 points for best!!?
What is the funniest dirty joke you have ever heard! I mean super duper funny! So funny that I will pee my pants, and then have to run to the bathroom and take a shower because I reak of urine! 10 points will be awarded to the funniest one!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Two prostitutes are walking down the street!. One says to the the other, "Hey, have you ever been picked up by the FUZZ"!?
The other replies, "No, but I have been dragged around by the nipples!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The other replies, "No, but I have been dragged around by the nipples!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building!. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said!. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him!.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning 'I') then pointed at his knees (meaning 'need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw!.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off!.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, 'You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw!.'
The other guy replied, 'I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming!.'
fromWww@Enter-QA@Com
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning 'I') then pointed at his knees (meaning 'need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw!.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off!.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, 'You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw!.'
The other guy replied, 'I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming!.'
fromWww@Enter-QA@Com
A guy died and went to hell!. There he met the devil and the devil said, "you have been a bad person when you were alive, I'm gonna have you choose an activity behind these three doors and you have to do it for eternity!." The guy agreed!.
The devil openned door #1, and there was a young man tied up on a table being burned by fire!. The guy told the devil, "I don't want to do that!."
The devil said okay and openned door #2, and there was a middle age man tied up to the wall and being whipped!. The guy told the devil," I don't want to do this neither!."
The devil said okay and openned the third and final door!. In there was an old man being tied to a chair with a blonde giving him head!. The guy told the devil,"yeah, I want this one!.''
The devil nodded, looked at the blonde and said,"Blondie you can go now I found your replacement!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The devil openned door #1, and there was a young man tied up on a table being burned by fire!. The guy told the devil, "I don't want to do that!."
The devil said okay and openned door #2, and there was a middle age man tied up to the wall and being whipped!. The guy told the devil," I don't want to do this neither!."
The devil said okay and openned the third and final door!. In there was an old man being tied to a chair with a blonde giving him head!. The guy told the devil,"yeah, I want this one!.''
The devil nodded, looked at the blonde and said,"Blondie you can go now I found your replacement!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
this joke is really funny read this:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 twins are born!. when they are 2 yrs old, the girl asks the dad if she can take a shower w/ him!. the dad says, "sure but dont look down!." they're are taking a shower and the twin looks down!. the twin says, "daddy, wats that!?" dad says,"thats my limo!." other twin does same thing w/ the mom, but looks up and down!. looks up says"mommy wat dat!?" "thats my headlights" looks down, says "mommy wat dat!?" "thats my garage" one night the twins are bored, so they go to their parents room to see wat they are doing!. the twins say, "mommy, better turn on your headlights and open your garage cuz daddy's limo is coming in!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Little Mary was never good in Sunday School,
so she decided to sleep through class, but 1
day the teacher asked her a question "Mary
who created the universe!?" Mary never moved
from her deep sleep, so johnny a little boy
who sits behind her in class took his pen
and poked her with it and Mary jumed up and
yelled "God almighty" and the techer told
her it was correct!. A little while later
the teacher asked her another question
"Mary, who is our lord and savior!?" again
Mary never answered so Johnny poked her
with his pen again and Mary jumps up and
yells "Sweet Jesus!!" the teacher told her
it was correct so Mary went back to sleep!.
The teacher her asked her a 3rd question,
"Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they
had their 23rd child!?" So 1 last time Johnny
pokes Mary with his pen 1 last time, but
this time Mary jumps up and yells
"If you stick that damn thing in me 1 more
time I'm gonna break it in half!!"
Then the teacher faints!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
so she decided to sleep through class, but 1
day the teacher asked her a question "Mary
who created the universe!?" Mary never moved
from her deep sleep, so johnny a little boy
who sits behind her in class took his pen
and poked her with it and Mary jumed up and
yelled "God almighty" and the techer told
her it was correct!. A little while later
the teacher asked her another question
"Mary, who is our lord and savior!?" again
Mary never answered so Johnny poked her
with his pen again and Mary jumps up and
yells "Sweet Jesus!!" the teacher told her
it was correct so Mary went back to sleep!.
The teacher her asked her a 3rd question,
"Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they
had their 23rd child!?" So 1 last time Johnny
pokes Mary with his pen 1 last time, but
this time Mary jumps up and yells
"If you stick that damn thing in me 1 more
time I'm gonna break it in half!!"
Then the teacher faints!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Your wife is 57 years old you want to make her feel younger so you buy a cake with a 5 and a cake with a 7!. You ring them up and the checker says awhhh you have twins you say yeh my wife was in labor for 2 years stupid!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Holly, do you talk to your husband when you are having passionate sex!?" Asked Mary!.
"No, why would I make a phone call like that when I am doing something important!?" Replies Holly!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
"No, why would I make a phone call like that when I am doing something important!?" Replies Holly!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Okay, well I don't know many jokes but I think this is funny (maybe not pee-your-pants funny, but oh well):
You know your a red neck if your idea of fast food is hitting a deer 60 miles an hour!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
You know your a red neck if your idea of fast food is hitting a deer 60 miles an hour!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Tom: "Hey Same buddy, howya do!.!.!.whoa! who gave you that black eye!?
Sam: "My wife"
Tom: "I thought she was out of town for the weekend!."
Sam: "So did I!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sam: "My wife"
Tom: "I thought she was out of town for the weekend!."
Sam: "So did I!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q:why is santa's sack so big!?
A: because he only CUMS once a year :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
A: because he only CUMS once a year :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Its not really a joke but I found this grossly offensive, hilarious list, I dont know what the reference is, if any, but its funny
Jim Norton owns you all with this list o' lists:
The 50 funniest moments in child pornography!.
Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver!.
The 5 snappiest remarks I've made while videotaping a miscarriage!.
My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to!.
The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my *** hole!.
Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool!.
My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl!.
The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions!.
Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diharreah of a cancer patient!.
The 6 most racist things I've yelled out a car window!.
Women with the worst smelling moot, in order of ethnicity!.
Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands!.
Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve!.
The 7 largest objects I've ever hidden in my *** hole!.
Women under 30 I'd like to slash with a razor!.
Freudian slips I've had around burn victims!.
The 10 most barbaric things I've done to the foreskin of an immigrant!.
Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law!.
The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick!.
Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk!.
Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman!.
Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex!.
Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts!.
Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings!.
Important political events I've spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants!.
People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives!.
Black churches I bombed in the south!.
20 people I hope die of leukemia!.
The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman!.
The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl!.
Celebrity face I've painted on my scrotum!.
Inappropriate times I've screamed, "****!" at my grandmother!.
American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average!.
My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw!.
The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident!.
Altzeimer patients I've bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative!.
The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole's right arm!.
Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness!.
25 autistics I think are faking it!.
Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision!.
The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute!.
Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it!.
My 5 most impressive achievements as a N!.A!.M!.B!.L!.A!. member!.
Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep!.
10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued!.
Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces!.
Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with!.
Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers!.
Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair!.
The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has **** in my mouth!.
The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first!.
Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing!.
How Vile!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jim Norton owns you all with this list o' lists:
The 50 funniest moments in child pornography!.
Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver!.
The 5 snappiest remarks I've made while videotaping a miscarriage!.
My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to!.
The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my *** hole!.
Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool!.
My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl!.
The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions!.
Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diharreah of a cancer patient!.
The 6 most racist things I've yelled out a car window!.
Women with the worst smelling moot, in order of ethnicity!.
Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands!.
Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve!.
The 7 largest objects I've ever hidden in my *** hole!.
Women under 30 I'd like to slash with a razor!.
Freudian slips I've had around burn victims!.
The 10 most barbaric things I've done to the foreskin of an immigrant!.
Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law!.
The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick!.
Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk!.
Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman!.
Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex!.
Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts!.
Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings!.
Important political events I've spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants!.
People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives!.
Black churches I bombed in the south!.
20 people I hope die of leukemia!.
The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman!.
The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl!.
Celebrity face I've painted on my scrotum!.
Inappropriate times I've screamed, "****!" at my grandmother!.
American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average!.
My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw!.
The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident!.
Altzeimer patients I've bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative!.
The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole's right arm!.
Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness!.
25 autistics I think are faking it!.
Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision!.
The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute!.
Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it!.
My 5 most impressive achievements as a N!.A!.M!.B!.L!.A!. member!.
Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep!.
10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued!.
Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces!.
Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with!.
Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers!.
Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair!.
The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has **** in my mouth!.
The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first!.
Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing!.
How Vile!Www@Enter-QA@Com
so there are these priests, some people call them friars!.
the bell tower on their church is broken so they decided to raise money for a new one by selling flowers!.
everyone wants to buy god's flowers!
so they are making so much money, and the local florist is loosing customers, so he goes to the friars and asks them to stop because theyre hurting his business!.
they say no and the local florist decides to get revenge
he hires a large irish guy named Hugh to go to the friar's shop and knock down some flowers!.
Hugh did and the friars stopped selling flowers
The moral (and the punch line) is:
Hugh and only Hugh can stop florist friars
ahah get it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
the bell tower on their church is broken so they decided to raise money for a new one by selling flowers!.
everyone wants to buy god's flowers!
so they are making so much money, and the local florist is loosing customers, so he goes to the friars and asks them to stop because theyre hurting his business!.
they say no and the local florist decides to get revenge
he hires a large irish guy named Hugh to go to the friar's shop and knock down some flowers!.
Hugh did and the friars stopped selling flowers
The moral (and the punch line) is:
Hugh and only Hugh can stop florist friars
ahah get it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com