Ive got a funny joke for you!! :)?!
Question: Ive got a funny joke for you!! :)!?
A priest kept his chickens at the village parish!. One evening, his c--k went went missing!. At mass, the priest asked "who has a c--k!?" All the men stood up!. "No, I meant who has seen a c--k!?" All the women stood up!. "No, no, who has seen a c--k that isn't theirs!?" Half the women got up!. "Oh, for goodness sake, who's seen my c--k!?" All the choir boys got up!
(not my work)Www@Enter-QA@Com
(not my work)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
here are some jokes-
A little girl and her mother were out and about!.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you!?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age!. You'll learn this as you get older!."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh!?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about!. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up!."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce!?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now!."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play!. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation!.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license!. It's just a like a report card from school!. It tells you everything!."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again!.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are!. I know how old you are!. You're 32 years old!."
The mother was very shocked!. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that!?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know!. And I know how much you weigh!. You weigh 130 pounds!."
"Where did you learn that!?"
The little girl said, "I just know!. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce!. You got an 'F' in sex!."
___________________________
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida!.!.!. and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet!. Still waiting for the right person!.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President!. But seriously, whatever's available!. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place!.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package!. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle!.
EDUCATION: Yes!.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility!.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth!.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes!.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked!.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any!.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p!.m!., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday!.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS!?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment!.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER!?: If I had one, would I be here!?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS!?: Of what!?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR!?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs!?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION!?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes!.
DO YOU SMOKE!?: On the job no, on my breaks yes!.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS!?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread!. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now!.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE!?: Yes!. Absolutely!.
SIGN HERE: Aries!.
___________________
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish!.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale!."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish!.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish!."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish!.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that!."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them!. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish!.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad!. Pass the ******* potatoes!"
______________________________________!.!.!.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist!. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window!.
He immediately told her to undress!. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh!.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing!?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities!."
"That is right," said the doctor!.
He then began to fondle her breasts!. "Do you know what I'm doing now!?"
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer!."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor!.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her!.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now!?"
"Yes," she said!. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place!."
______________________________________!.!.!.
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car!.
Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him!. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off!.
Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that !?!!?"
Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey!."
The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says!. "Sure had a big dick!."
_____________________________________
:)Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little girl and her mother were out and about!.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you!?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age!. You'll learn this as you get older!."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh!?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about!. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up!."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce!?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now!."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play!. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation!.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license!. It's just a like a report card from school!. It tells you everything!."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again!.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are!. I know how old you are!. You're 32 years old!."
The mother was very shocked!. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that!?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know!. And I know how much you weigh!. You weigh 130 pounds!."
"Where did you learn that!?"
The little girl said, "I just know!. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce!. You got an 'F' in sex!."
___________________________
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida!.!.!. and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet!. Still waiting for the right person!.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President!. But seriously, whatever's available!. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place!.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package!. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle!.
EDUCATION: Yes!.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility!.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth!.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes!.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked!.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any!.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p!.m!., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday!.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS!?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment!.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER!?: If I had one, would I be here!?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS!?: Of what!?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR!?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs!?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION!?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes!.
DO YOU SMOKE!?: On the job no, on my breaks yes!.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS!?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread!. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now!.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE!?: Yes!. Absolutely!.
SIGN HERE: Aries!.
___________________
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish!.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale!."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish!.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish!."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish!.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that!."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them!. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish!.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad!. Pass the ******* potatoes!"
______________________________________!.!.!.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist!. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window!.
He immediately told her to undress!. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh!.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing!?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities!."
"That is right," said the doctor!.
He then began to fondle her breasts!. "Do you know what I'm doing now!?"
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer!."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor!.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her!.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now!?"
"Yes," she said!. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place!."
______________________________________!.!.!.
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car!.
Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him!. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off!.
Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that !?!!?"
Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey!."
The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says!. "Sure had a big dick!."
_____________________________________
:)Www@Enter-QA@Com
HAHAHHA DATS FUNNI!Www@Enter-QA@Com
funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
sorry, keep trying, was a little too predictableWww@Enter-QA@Com
Ha ha ha ha!.!.!. That's a good one!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
pmsl!!That's very funny have a star! :-)Www@Enter-QA@Com
thats a nice one!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
very funny
excellent!.!.!.awesome!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.good job!.!.!.!.!.!.keep up the good jokes!.!.!.!.!.made me laugh!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
excellent!.!.!.awesome!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.good job!.!.!.!.!.!.keep up the good jokes!.!.!.!.!.made me laugh!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com