Anybody know any good riddles or jokes i need them!!!?!
Question: Anybody know any good riddles or jokes i need them!!!!?
i have no good jokes and all of my friends do i always get made fun of so i need some really good jokes!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
RIDDLES 4 YA
www!.buzzle!.com
What is as big as you are and yet does not weigh anything!?
Two cannibals were chatting as they had their dinner!. One complained that he really quite disliked his new mother-in-law!. What was the advice given to him by his companion!?
Paul’s height is six feet, he’s an assistant at a butcher’s shop, and wears size 9 shoes!. What does he weigh!?
What types of words are these: Madam, civic, eye, level!.
What ends everything always!?
When you have me, you feel like sharing me!. But, if you do share me, you don’t have me!. What am I!?
ANSWERS TO DA RIDDLES
Your shadow!.
So just finish your vegetables!.
Meat!.
They are palindromes; they read the same both ways!.
The alphabet ‘g’!.
A secret!.
COUPLE JOKES 4 YA
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day!.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive!. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative!. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative!.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right!.'
Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening!. The last thing they do is put their cat out!.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in!.
Terry returns inside to chase it out!. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother!.'
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'Www@Enter-QA@Com
www!.buzzle!.com
What is as big as you are and yet does not weigh anything!?
Two cannibals were chatting as they had their dinner!. One complained that he really quite disliked his new mother-in-law!. What was the advice given to him by his companion!?
Paul’s height is six feet, he’s an assistant at a butcher’s shop, and wears size 9 shoes!. What does he weigh!?
What types of words are these: Madam, civic, eye, level!.
What ends everything always!?
When you have me, you feel like sharing me!. But, if you do share me, you don’t have me!. What am I!?
ANSWERS TO DA RIDDLES
Your shadow!.
So just finish your vegetables!.
Meat!.
They are palindromes; they read the same both ways!.
The alphabet ‘g’!.
A secret!.
COUPLE JOKES 4 YA
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day!.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive!. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative!. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative!.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right!.'
Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening!. The last thing they do is put their cat out!.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in!.
Terry returns inside to chase it out!. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother!.'
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'Www@Enter-QA@Com
Help yourself to these;
* With a face like that I would shave one leg so you don't feel so lonely at night!.
* You look like you played hide-and-seek with a bat and it found you every time!.
* You look like you caught on fire and someone put you out with a rake!.
* You are slower than an one-legged turtle!.
* Keep wearing your hair like that, that style is bound to come back someday!.
* If my dog was as ugly as you, I would shave it's a*ss and make it walk backwards!.
* You read a lot of magazines in the bathroom don't you!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
* With a face like that I would shave one leg so you don't feel so lonely at night!.
* You look like you played hide-and-seek with a bat and it found you every time!.
* You look like you caught on fire and someone put you out with a rake!.
* You are slower than an one-legged turtle!.
* Keep wearing your hair like that, that style is bound to come back someday!.
* If my dog was as ugly as you, I would shave it's a*ss and make it walk backwards!.
* You read a lot of magazines in the bathroom don't you!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
did you hear the one about the blonde who came to jokes and riddles section and asked to see jokes and riddles!?
seriously, use the search bar!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
seriously, use the search bar!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Well, I don't know if this is really funny but here it goes:
Joke: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney!?
Answer: Your too young to smoke!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Joke: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney!?
Answer: Your too young to smoke!Www@Enter-QA@Com
because YOU'RE the joke theyre laughing at honey!.!.!.!.!.sheesh!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
this blonde ladys friend was somewhat injured and needed to go to the hospital for medical attention!.So she eventually got her to the emrgency!.So the nurse at the er asked her why didnt she just cal "911"!? The blonde lady said"well i couldnt find the "11" button!."
two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour!. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
this blonde ladys friend was somewhat injured and needed to go to the hospital for medical attention!.So she eventually got her to the emrgency!.So the nurse at the er asked her why didnt she just cal "911"!? The blonde lady said"well i couldnt find the "11" button!."
two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour!. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com