What is the best joke u hav?!
Question: What is the best joke u hav!?
it can b anything!. funny, naughty, racist, any joke in the world!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
i have a lot!.!.but let me say this one:
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him!.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you!?''
''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it!.''
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you!?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop!.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the d!ck underneath the horse instead of on top!.''
;pWww@Enter-QA@Com
There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him!.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you!?''
''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it!.''
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you!?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop!.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the d!ck underneath the horse instead of on top!.''
;pWww@Enter-QA@Com
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground!. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head!. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do!?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard!.
The guy's voice comes back on the line!. He says: “OK, now what!?“Www@Enter-QA@Com
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard!.
The guy's voice comes back on the line!. He says: “OK, now what!?“Www@Enter-QA@Com
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe!. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science!.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child!. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child!. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief!. You're mistaken!. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there!. All of the sheep are white except for one black one!. Nature does this on occasion!."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what!. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child!. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child!. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief!. You're mistaken!. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there!. All of the sheep are white except for one black one!. Nature does this on occasion!."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what!. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull!. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing!.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow!.
Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull!.
Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped!.
The farmer looked very pleased!. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight!. He's like a machine!"
"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull!?"
"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer!.
"What kind of pills!?" asked Banker Bill!.
"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow!.
Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull!.
Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped!.
The farmer looked very pleased!. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight!. He's like a machine!"
"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull!?"
"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer!.
"What kind of pills!?" asked Banker Bill!.
"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
There's this guy who drinks at a bar regularly!. He drinks many drinks and spends lots of money!. So, obviously, the owners loved him!. But one night, he comes in and drinks water for the whole night!.
Right as hes about to leave, the bartender stops him!. "Whats the matter man!? Why didn't you order anything to drink!?"
He replys "Oh, I'm NEVER drinkin again!"
"Why!!?"
"Last night!.!.!.!." he leans in and whispers "!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.I blew chunks!"
The bartender laughs loud "oh, come on! Everybody gets a little sick from time to time!"
The man frowned and said " No! You dont understand!"
"CHUNKS IS MY DOG!!!"
That was funny!. Wanna hear whats not funny!?
Someone once told me "What do you do when your t!.v's floatin away in the middle of the night!? Shoot the black guy who's stealin it"
I'm not racist!. So i told them to shut up!.
So they said "What do you do if you see a headless black guy runnin through your front lawn!?"
I yelled at him to shut up!.
He said, "Laugh, reload, and fire again"
So, I said, "Whats the difference from a racist's house and a porcupine!? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Right as hes about to leave, the bartender stops him!. "Whats the matter man!? Why didn't you order anything to drink!?"
He replys "Oh, I'm NEVER drinkin again!"
"Why!!?"
"Last night!.!.!.!." he leans in and whispers "!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.I blew chunks!"
The bartender laughs loud "oh, come on! Everybody gets a little sick from time to time!"
The man frowned and said " No! You dont understand!"
"CHUNKS IS MY DOG!!!"
That was funny!. Wanna hear whats not funny!?
Someone once told me "What do you do when your t!.v's floatin away in the middle of the night!? Shoot the black guy who's stealin it"
I'm not racist!. So i told them to shut up!.
So they said "What do you do if you see a headless black guy runnin through your front lawn!?"
I yelled at him to shut up!.
He said, "Laugh, reload, and fire again"
So, I said, "Whats the difference from a racist's house and a porcupine!? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ol' Mamabear's favourite!.!.!.
Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club!. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill!.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill!.
She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek!.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill!. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again!.
My relief was short-lived!.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me!. Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50!. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet!. What could I do!?
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks,and left!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club!. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill!.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill!.
She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek!.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill!. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again!.
My relief was short-lived!.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me!. Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50!. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet!. What could I do!?
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks,and left!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,
when behind him he hears:
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog
he makes out the image of an upright casket banging
its way down the middle of the street toward him!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
Terrified, the man begins to run like his
butt was on fire, toward his home,
the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER!.!.!.
FASTER!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys,
opens the door, rushes in, slams
and locks the door behind him!.
However, the casket crashes through his door,
with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
on his heels, the terrified man runs!.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in!.
His heart is pounding; his head is reeling;
his breath is coming in sobbing gasps!.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door!.
Bumping and clapping toward him!.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket!.!.!.
and,
(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops!Www@Enter-QA@Com
when behind him he hears:
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog
he makes out the image of an upright casket banging
its way down the middle of the street toward him!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
Terrified, the man begins to run like his
butt was on fire, toward his home,
the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER!.!.!.
FASTER!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
BUMP!.!.!.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys,
opens the door, rushes in, slams
and locks the door behind him!.
However, the casket crashes through his door,
with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
clappity-BUMP!.!.!.
on his heels, the terrified man runs!.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in!.
His heart is pounding; his head is reeling;
his breath is coming in sobbing gasps!.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door!.
Bumping and clapping toward him!.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket!.!.!.
and,
(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops!Www@Enter-QA@Com
i think i'm so lame that my jokes arent funny so i would not post anything here
You are not allowed to eat today
but you can eat tomorrowWww@Enter-QA@Com
You are not allowed to eat today
but you can eat tomorrowWww@Enter-QA@Com
A STORY:
ONCE A MAN ASKS A WOMAN :"WILL YOU MARRY ME!?"
WOMAN ANSWERS:"NO"
AFTER THAT MAN LIVED HAPPILY FOR HIS WHOOOOOOOOOLE LIFEWww@Enter-QA@Com
ONCE A MAN ASKS A WOMAN :"WILL YOU MARRY ME!?"
WOMAN ANSWERS:"NO"
AFTER THAT MAN LIVED HAPPILY FOR HIS WHOOOOOOOOOLE LIFEWww@Enter-QA@Com
Why don't they gamble in Africa!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.There's too many Cheetas!.
What does a bee sit on!? his BEEhindWww@Enter-QA@Com
What does a bee sit on!? his BEEhindWww@Enter-QA@Com
You just farted big time!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the on your saying right knowWww@Enter-QA@Com
Why do chicken cross the road!? because it want to be cook in KFCWww@Enter-QA@Com
what heat do you cook a jew
gas mark 5Www@Enter-QA@Com
gas mark 5Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su PahWww@Enter-QA@Com
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su PahWww@Enter-QA@Com