Can someone tell me a great joke?!

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su PahWww@Enter-QA@Com

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Chuck Norris is not only a noun but also a verb!.

Chuck Norris was the inspiration for the invention of "Raw Men" noodles, not to be confused with "ramen" noodles which are merely a cheap Vin Diesel imitation!.

Chuck Norris never has to wear a bullet proof vest, because his Texas Ranger star is actually the most powerful magnet in the world, and every time you try to shoot him, it will draw the bullet to itself, thus saving his life!.

Twenty years ago Chuck Norris smiled when he thought about elephants having sex!. He has not smiled since!.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man in the face with his penis!. Having touched Chuck Norris' penis, the man instantly turned to gold!.

**************************************!.!.!.

Vin Diesel drives a full size replica of the Millineum Falcon!.

Windows ME never crashes if Vin Diesel is at the keyboard!.

Vin Diesel can beat the ice levels of Super Mario Brothers 3 using Luigi!.

Vin Diesel's leg hair is harvested bi-monthly for use in fine Scandinavian carpets due to it's extreme strength, durability, and ability to ward off Russians!.

Vin Diesel's oxen in the computer game "Oregon Train" survive crossing a river each and every time!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

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Why did the M&M company fire the blonde!?
She threw away all the W's!.
more like a riddle, but ok!. you can also say black girl instead of blonde to make it a racist joke, but i think those are really dumb!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

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did u hear about the 2 antennas who got married!? the reception was good but the something was bad!.!.!.

^#^*!!!!!! i forgot the jokeWww@Enter-QA@Com

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two pretzels were walking down the street!. one was assaulted ("a salted")Www@Enter-QA@Com

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what do you call a man who has lost his motor!?

CARLOSWww@Enter-QA@Com

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A man checked into a hotel in Australia!. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife!. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail!.

Meanwhile!.!.!.somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral!. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends!.

After reading the first message, she fainted!. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: May 27 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me!. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones!. I've just arrived
and have been checked in!. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow!. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was!.

P!.S!. It is damn hot down here !!


**************************************!.!.!.

There’s a guy who likes taking off his pants!. His neighbor likes cutting off peoples *****!.When they met, the dude sniped it off and fell in a manhole!. It drifted to a pickle company and this guy picked it up and put it in a jar!. This really old guy bought the jar and ate it!. He wrote this on the comment sheet!. THESE ARE THE MOST TASTY, HAIREST PICKLES EVER!.

**************************************!.!.!.


A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer!.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent!.'
'One Cent!?' the man exclaimed!.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine!?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied!.
'A nickel!?' exclaimed the man!.
'Where's the guy who owns this place!?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife!.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife!?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here!.'

**************************************!.!.!.

Doctor is feeling bad for having slept with a patient!. He has the classic angel & devil over his shoulder!.

Devil: Don't worry, every doctor sleeps with a patient some time it's not uncommon!

Angel: Dave!.!.!. You're a f**king vet!

**************************************!.!.!.

A guy is driving around Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a
house
"Talking Dog For Sale!." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the
dog is in the backyard!. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a
Labrador retriever sitting there!.
"You talk!?" he asks!.
"Yes, I do," the Lab replies!.
"So, what's your story!?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young!. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS
about my gift, and in no time, at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping!. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running!. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I
knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down!. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in!. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals!. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired!."

The guy is amazed!.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog!.
"Ten dollars," the Newfie says!.
"Ten dollars!? Why on earth are you selling him so cheap!?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that s***!"


**************************************!.!.!.

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it!.
"Impossible!" says the doctor!. "Show me!."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more!. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed!. Everywhere she touched made her scream!.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you!?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde!."
"I thought so," the doctor said!. "Your finger is broken!."


**************************************!.!.!.

guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch!.

The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch!.

The patron takes one sip and spits it out!. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch!.
The patron takes a sip!.!.!.same reaction!.

But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference!. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch!. Again, same reaction from the patron!.

Finally, the bartender is convinced!. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch!. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied!.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching!.

He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges!.!.!.he promptly spits it out!.

"That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the drunk!.

The drunk replies: "It ish!. Now how old am I!?"

**************************************!.!.!.


Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services!.

**************************************!.!.!.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do!?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what!?


**************************************!.!.!.

An Englishman, an Irishman, A Scotsman, an Indian, a Jamaican, An Israeli, A Pakistani and a Welshman walk into a bar!.

The Barman says "Is this some sort of Joke!?"

**************************************!.!.!.


My grand father died in a Nazi concentration camp

He drunk a whole bottle of vodka and fell out of his watchtower

**************************************!.!.!.

Hey!. My grandfather always said "Don't watch your money, watch your health"!. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money!. It was my grandfather!.

**************************************!.!.!.


A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem!.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them!.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification!.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied!.!.!.

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke pops out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine!?"


**************************************!.!.!.

Headline: Tornado rips through cemetery!. Hundreds Dead!.

**************************************!.!.!.


"Hello!?"
> > > >> "Hi honey!. This is Daddy!. Is Mommy near the phone!?"
> > > >> "No Daddy!. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul!."
After a brief pause,
> > > >> Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul!."
> > > >> "Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now!."
> > > >> Brief Pause!.
> > > >> "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do!. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway!."
> > > >> "Okay Daddy, just a minute!."
> > > >> A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone!.
> > > >> "I did it Daddy!."
> > > >> "And what happened honey!?" he asked!.
> > > >> "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming!.
> > > >> Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
> > > >>"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul!?"
> > > >>"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too!. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool!. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it!. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think
he's dead!."
> > > >>**Long Pause***
> > > >>***Longer Pause***
> > > >>***Even Longer Pause***
> > > >>Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool!? !. !. !. Is this 301-5731!?"!!!

**************************************!.!.!.

So there's a bear and a raccoon in the woods!. They find a genieWww@Enter-QA@Com

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