Im bored at work do you know any good jokes?!
Question: Im bored at work do you know any good jokes!?
Answers:
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su PahWww@Enter-QA@Com
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su PahWww@Enter-QA@Com
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday!? Tell her a joke on a Monday!
How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright!? Shine a torch in her ear!
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common!? You always hear about them but never see any!
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts!.!.!.!. she gave me change!
Postcard from a blonde: Having a wonderful time!. Where am I!?
What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear!? A wind tunnel!
Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back!? She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"!.
A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe!.
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours!? Write please turn over on both sides of the paper!Www@Enter-QA@Com
How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright!? Shine a torch in her ear!
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common!? You always hear about them but never see any!
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts!.!.!.!. she gave me change!
Postcard from a blonde: Having a wonderful time!. Where am I!?
What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear!? A wind tunnel!
Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back!? She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"!.
A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe!.
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours!? Write please turn over on both sides of the paper!Www@Enter-QA@Com
idkkjqhkhdkjWww@Enter-QA@Com
www!.jokes2go!.comWww@Enter-QA@Com
62- A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway!. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing!. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that!?
Bystander: The winner will get a prize
Sardar: Then why are the others running!?!
63- Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette!. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light!. He tried another!. It wouldn't light!. The third one finally lit!. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket!.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket!?"
"That's a good match!. I'll use it again!."
64- Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone!.
"Is this one one one one!?", says the voice!.
"No, this is eleven eleven!."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one!?"
"No, this is eleven eleven!."
"Well, wrong number!. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night!."
"That's all right, mister!. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway!."
65- What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer!? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)!.
66- Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space!. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound)
"Press the red button!." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button!." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof!."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
67- Sardarji got the 4th child!. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh!. Father: Sikh!. Kid: Chinese!."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh!?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese!."
68- Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train!. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived!. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service!. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard!. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home!. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror!.
Said his wife " What's the matter!?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
69- Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God!. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for!?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too!.
70- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday!? Tell him a joke on Wednesday!.
71- Sardarji proposes to a woman!. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots!. He sets off to Africa and disappears!. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one!. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
72- Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly!?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito!.
73- 1 banda bhagta howa aata hay aur Sardar se kehta hai
bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay!.
Sardar: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay, ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay!.
74- Sardar bar me ro raha tha!. Bartender: Kyo ro rahe ho!?
Sardar: Aur kya karu!?!?
Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun uska naam hi yaad nahi aata!.
75- 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car!.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing!.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more!.
76- Sardar : What is the name of your car !?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”!.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai!.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai!.
77- Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto!.
A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto!.
sardar : Cant you read the board!.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
78- Sardar ki mangni hoi, usey pata chala k uski mangaiter
ka kisi se koi affair nahi tha, us nay yeh keh ker mangni tor di
k jo kisi aur ki nahi ho saki wo meri kia ho gi!?
79- Aik Sardar apnay kandhay per aik totay (parrot) ko bitha ker jaa raha tha!.!.
Kisi nay pocha:”Yeh kon sa janwar hai!?
”tota(parrot) bola: “Sardar”
80- 1 night bijli chali gae…
SARDAR APNI BIVI SAY:
oye kam se kam pankha to chala day!.
BiWI: kar di na phir sardaron wali baat…
pankha chalaingay to mombatti bujh nahin jayegi
81- Aik Sardar kay han 20 saal bad bacha hua!.
Wo udas ho gaya!.
Dost : Yaar udas kion ho!?
Sardar : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa!.
82- A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail……!.why!?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sardar: What do they get from that!?
Bystander: The winner will get a prize
Sardar: Then why are the others running!?!
63- Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette!. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light!. He tried another!. It wouldn't light!. The third one finally lit!. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket!.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket!?"
"That's a good match!. I'll use it again!."
64- Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone!.
"Is this one one one one!?", says the voice!.
"No, this is eleven eleven!."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one!?"
"No, this is eleven eleven!."
"Well, wrong number!. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night!."
"That's all right, mister!. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway!."
65- What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer!? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)!.
66- Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space!. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound)
"Press the red button!." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button!." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof!."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
67- Sardarji got the 4th child!. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh!. Father: Sikh!. Kid: Chinese!."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh!?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese!."
68- Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train!. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived!. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service!. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard!. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home!. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror!.
Said his wife " What's the matter!?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
69- Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God!. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for!?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too!.
70- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday!? Tell him a joke on Wednesday!.
71- Sardarji proposes to a woman!. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots!. He sets off to Africa and disappears!. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one!. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
72- Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly!?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito!.
73- 1 banda bhagta howa aata hay aur Sardar se kehta hai
bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay!.
Sardar: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay, ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay!.
74- Sardar bar me ro raha tha!. Bartender: Kyo ro rahe ho!?
Sardar: Aur kya karu!?!?
Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun uska naam hi yaad nahi aata!.
75- 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car!.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing!.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more!.
76- Sardar : What is the name of your car !?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”!.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai!.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai!.
77- Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto!.
A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto!.
sardar : Cant you read the board!.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
78- Sardar ki mangni hoi, usey pata chala k uski mangaiter
ka kisi se koi affair nahi tha, us nay yeh keh ker mangni tor di
k jo kisi aur ki nahi ho saki wo meri kia ho gi!?
79- Aik Sardar apnay kandhay per aik totay (parrot) ko bitha ker jaa raha tha!.!.
Kisi nay pocha:”Yeh kon sa janwar hai!?
”tota(parrot) bola: “Sardar”
80- 1 night bijli chali gae…
SARDAR APNI BIVI SAY:
oye kam se kam pankha to chala day!.
BiWI: kar di na phir sardaron wali baat…
pankha chalaingay to mombatti bujh nahin jayegi
81- Aik Sardar kay han 20 saal bad bacha hua!.
Wo udas ho gaya!.
Dost : Yaar udas kion ho!?
Sardar : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa!.
82- A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail……!.why!?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !Www@Enter-QA@Com