Rules for being a MAN!?!
Question: Rules for being a MAN!!?
Rules To Be A Man
1!. Don't call, ever!.
2!. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her!. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself!.
3!. Lie!.
4!. lie!.
5!. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them!.
6!. Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me!?"
7!. Drink Vernors!.
8!. Women want to hear all about YOU constantly!
9!. Be as ambiguous as possible!. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do!.
10!. Always remember: You are a man!. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault!.
11!. Lie!.
12!. Girls find it attractive if a man has friends than baths!.
13!. Never ask for help!. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask!.
14!. Women like it when you ignore them!.
15!. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have!. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check your hair, clothing, etc!.
16!. If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know!. I just don't like her personality!."
17!. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises!. Bodily noises are permissible!.
18!. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit!.
19!. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine!.
20!. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend!. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her!.
21!. Tell her you will call!. Then, refer back to rule #1!.
22!. Say things like, "Wha!.!.!.!?"
23!. Don't wear matching clothes!. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks!.
24!. Lie!.
25!. Deny everything!. Everything!
26!. Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me!."
27!. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her!. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know!.
28!. Don't have a clue!.
29!. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it!.
30!. No means yes!.
31!. Yes means no!.
32!. Lie!.
33!. Make up something to lie about to stay in practice!. Improvise!.
34!. Did I mention that you should be able to lie!.
35!. Feelings!? What feelings!?
36!. Never listen!.
37!. Life is one big competition!. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ***!.
38!. Gays are an unacceptable part of our society!. Take it upon yourself to personally irradiate all of them from the planet!.
39!. DO NOT make decisions about relationships!. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall!. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape!.
40!. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning!. Do so!.
41!. This is a good place to mention you should be able to lie!.
42!. Lie!.
43!. "Love" is not in your vocabulary!. don't even think about saying it!.
44!. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it!.
45!. Ditch your girlfriend!. Beg and plead until you get her back!. Ditch her again!. Repeat cycle!.
46!. Lie!.
47!. ALWAYS apologize!. NEVER mean it!.
48!. If you hurt someone, pretend you care!. Don't!.
49!. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things!. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color!.
50!. Ignorance solves problems!. If you can't see them, they can't see you!.
51!. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions!.
52!. Blame everything on PMS!.
53!. Complain about not getting any mail!. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you and send you mail, ignore it and continue complaining!.
54!. Lie!.
55!. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know!.
56!. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment!. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it!.
57!. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction!.
58!. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance!. Besides, you're just there to stand around and look cool, right!?
59!. You are male, therefore you want quality!.
60!. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert!. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room!.
61!. Lie!.
62!. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong!.
63!. Crying is not manly!. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway!?
64!. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don't know!."
65!. Women are your napkins!. Use them, and throw them away!.
66!. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are!. Expect her to be grateful that you're staying with her!.
67!. Lie!.
68!. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement!. Laugh long and loud!.
69!. Lie!.
70!. General Rule: Different is BAD!.
71!. If anyone asks you for a favor!.!.!. make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, remind them of this huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their life!.
72!. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before!. When she starts crying, offer to take her along!. When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling!.
73!. Lie!. (true story!.)
74!. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with someone else, she has no right to be upset!. Because, you know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship!.
75!. Lie!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
1!. Don't call, ever!.
2!. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her!. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself!.
3!. Lie!.
4!. lie!.
5!. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them!.
6!. Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me!?"
7!. Drink Vernors!.
8!. Women want to hear all about YOU constantly!
9!. Be as ambiguous as possible!. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do!.
10!. Always remember: You are a man!. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault!.
11!. Lie!.
12!. Girls find it attractive if a man has friends than baths!.
13!. Never ask for help!. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask!.
14!. Women like it when you ignore them!.
15!. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have!. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check your hair, clothing, etc!.
16!. If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know!. I just don't like her personality!."
17!. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises!. Bodily noises are permissible!.
18!. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit!.
19!. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine!.
20!. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend!. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her!.
21!. Tell her you will call!. Then, refer back to rule #1!.
22!. Say things like, "Wha!.!.!.!?"
23!. Don't wear matching clothes!. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks!.
24!. Lie!.
25!. Deny everything!. Everything!
26!. Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me!."
27!. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her!. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know!.
28!. Don't have a clue!.
29!. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it!.
30!. No means yes!.
31!. Yes means no!.
32!. Lie!.
33!. Make up something to lie about to stay in practice!. Improvise!.
34!. Did I mention that you should be able to lie!.
35!. Feelings!? What feelings!?
36!. Never listen!.
37!. Life is one big competition!. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ***!.
38!. Gays are an unacceptable part of our society!. Take it upon yourself to personally irradiate all of them from the planet!.
39!. DO NOT make decisions about relationships!. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall!. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape!.
40!. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning!. Do so!.
41!. This is a good place to mention you should be able to lie!.
42!. Lie!.
43!. "Love" is not in your vocabulary!. don't even think about saying it!.
44!. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it!.
45!. Ditch your girlfriend!. Beg and plead until you get her back!. Ditch her again!. Repeat cycle!.
46!. Lie!.
47!. ALWAYS apologize!. NEVER mean it!.
48!. If you hurt someone, pretend you care!. Don't!.
49!. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things!. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color!.
50!. Ignorance solves problems!. If you can't see them, they can't see you!.
51!. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions!.
52!. Blame everything on PMS!.
53!. Complain about not getting any mail!. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you and send you mail, ignore it and continue complaining!.
54!. Lie!.
55!. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know!.
56!. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment!. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it!.
57!. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction!.
58!. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance!. Besides, you're just there to stand around and look cool, right!?
59!. You are male, therefore you want quality!.
60!. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert!. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room!.
61!. Lie!.
62!. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong!.
63!. Crying is not manly!. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway!?
64!. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don't know!."
65!. Women are your napkins!. Use them, and throw them away!.
66!. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are!. Expect her to be grateful that you're staying with her!.
67!. Lie!.
68!. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement!. Laugh long and loud!.
69!. Lie!.
70!. General Rule: Different is BAD!.
71!. If anyone asks you for a favor!.!.!. make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, remind them of this huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their life!.
72!. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before!. When she starts crying, offer to take her along!. When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling!.
73!. Lie!. (true story!.)
74!. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with someone else, she has no right to be upset!. Because, you know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship!.
75!. Lie!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
conans a good man he has only 1 rule
1!. Men are NOT mind readers!.
1!. Learn to work the toilet seat!.
You're a big girl!. If it's up, put it down!.
We need it up, you need it down!.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down!.
1!. Sunday sports!. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides!.
Let it be!.
1!. Shopping is NOT a sport!.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way!.
1!. Crying is blackmail!.
1!. Ask for what you want!.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1!. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!.
1!. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it!. That's what we do!.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for!.
1!. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem!.
See a doctor!.
1!. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument!.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days!.
1!. If you think you're fat, you probably are!.
Don't ask us!.
1!. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1!. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done!. Not both!.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!.
1!. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials!.
1!. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we!.
1!. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings!.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour!. Pumpkin is also a fruit!. We have no idea what mauve is!.
1!. If it itches, it will be scratched!.
We do that!.
1!. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong!.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later!.
1!. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,! Expect an answer you don't want to hear!.
1!. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine!.!.!.Really!.
1!. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Rugby , football information,or golf
1!. You have enough clothes!.
1!. You have too many shoes!.
1!. I am in shape!. Round IS a shape!
1!. Thank you for reading this!.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that!? It's like camping!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
1!. Men are NOT mind readers!.
1!. Learn to work the toilet seat!.
You're a big girl!. If it's up, put it down!.
We need it up, you need it down!.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down!.
1!. Sunday sports!. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides!.
Let it be!.
1!. Shopping is NOT a sport!.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way!.
1!. Crying is blackmail!.
1!. Ask for what you want!.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1!. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!.
1!. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it!. That's what we do!.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for!.
1!. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem!.
See a doctor!.
1!. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument!.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days!.
1!. If you think you're fat, you probably are!.
Don't ask us!.
1!. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1!. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done!. Not both!.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!.
1!. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials!.
1!. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we!.
1!. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings!.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour!. Pumpkin is also a fruit!. We have no idea what mauve is!.
1!. If it itches, it will be scratched!.
We do that!.
1!. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong!.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later!.
1!. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,! Expect an answer you don't want to hear!.
1!. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine!.!.!.Really!.
1!. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Rugby , football information,or golf
1!. You have enough clothes!.
1!. You have too many shoes!.
1!. I am in shape!. Round IS a shape!
1!. Thank you for reading this!.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that!? It's like camping!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
u said lie like 20 timesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Wow! That is some list!. Funny and true!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Someone is B-I-T-T-E-R!Www@Enter-QA@Com
wow!.!.wat a big list!.!.!.n very very nice :DWww@Enter-QA@Com
you got some points wrong~~`Www@Enter-QA@Com
Men!.!.!.so sadWww@Enter-QA@Com
nice!!Www@Enter-QA@Com