DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD CELEB JOKES?????i would sure like to hear them?!
Question: DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD CELEB JOKES!?!?!?!?!?i would sure like to hear them!?
Answers:
Some kids piss their name in the snow!. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete!. 3277 8!.430
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands!. They are now The Islands!. 2126 8!.416
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99!.9 percent of germs!. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants!. 2631 8!.415
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!. 1895 8!.397
If you rearrange the letters in Mr!. T, he'll ******* break you!. 196 8!.393
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives!." 945 8!.390
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris!. 5131 8!.390
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer!. Too bad he has never cried!. 2307 8!.388
Chuck Norris does not sleep!. He waits!. 1380 8!.364
Chuck Norris can speak braille!. 1816 8!.360
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine!. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime!. 2201 8!.356
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death!. He wins fair and square!. 56 8!.321
Mr!. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson!. 147 8!.320
Mr!. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr!. T!. only recognizes the element of surprise!. 176 8!.307
The last man who made eye contact with Mr!. T was Ray Charles!. 146 8!.301
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr!. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool!." 358 8!.296
Gravity dosen't exist!. Mr!. T just pities everything to stay the **** down!. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts!. 255 8!.275
Mr!. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes!. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis!?" Willis **** himself!. 277 8!.274
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"!. 1595 8!.258
The Mathematical Proof for Mr!. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0!. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist!. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t!. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t!. This equation leads to quite an interesting result!. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity!. Now we all well know that Mr!. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba!.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr!. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr!. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity!. 285 8!.256
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time!. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno!. 1540 8!.219
Mr!. T took Mother Nature from behind!. We refer to the event as the Big Bang!. 134 8!.216
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film!. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr!. T!. 69 8!.203
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle!. 726 8!.201
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves!. 399 8!.195
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers!. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence!. 566 8!.193
Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr!. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space!. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr!. T wisely checked his swing!. 83 8!.181
Mr!. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet!. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants!. 124 8!.169
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face!. 294 8!.167
Mr!. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow!. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot!. 133 8!.150
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back!. 194 8!.149
There is no "I" in team!. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel!. **** you, team!. 412 8!.146
Vin Diesel wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team!. 183 8!.131
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris!?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance!." 935 8!.125
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin!. 790 8!.123
If you laid out all of Mr!. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ***!. 90 8!.122
Vin Diesel invented black!. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light!. Except pink!. Tom Cruise invented pink!. 298 8!.117
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket!. 236 8!.114
When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin!. He sends them to hell!. 192 8!.104
In August 2005 Mr!. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands!. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr!.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger!. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr!. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr!. T in the stomach "for fun"!. The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1!.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans!. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims!. As for Mr!. T he will simply pity the fools!. 193 8!.104
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!. 321 8!.100
Mr!. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain!. 156 8!.096
Mr!. T beat a wall at tennis!. A ******* WALL!. 121 8!.083
Mr!. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction 54 8!.074
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr!. T is going to walk!. 116 8!.060
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris!. 1016 8!.041
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr!. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold!. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode!. 64 8!.031
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg!. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died!. 1044 8!.024
Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide!. 190 8!.016
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun!. 171 8!.006
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him!. 1096 8!.005
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds!. 2695 8!.000
The only reason Mr!. T is not Dr!. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr!. T with his arms crossed!. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women!. His thesis is still yet to be marked!. 66 7!.955
Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists!. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr!. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr!. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively!. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen!. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr!. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay!. 127 7!.953
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure!. Chuck Norris goes killing!. 1070 7!.936
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ******* beef!. 1064 7!.909
Show Mr!. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity!. 93 7!.903
Mr!. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was!. 194 7!.902
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors!. 1145 7!.901
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse!. 1046 7!.884
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas!. 1116 7!.877
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection!. There were no survivors!. 255 7!.871
Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off!. 151 7!.861
Mr!. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods!. 98 7!.837
Mr!. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rulesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands!. They are now The Islands!. 2126 8!.416
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99!.9 percent of germs!. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants!. 2631 8!.415
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!. 1895 8!.397
If you rearrange the letters in Mr!. T, he'll ******* break you!. 196 8!.393
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives!." 945 8!.390
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris!. 5131 8!.390
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer!. Too bad he has never cried!. 2307 8!.388
Chuck Norris does not sleep!. He waits!. 1380 8!.364
Chuck Norris can speak braille!. 1816 8!.360
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine!. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime!. 2201 8!.356
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death!. He wins fair and square!. 56 8!.321
Mr!. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson!. 147 8!.320
Mr!. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr!. T!. only recognizes the element of surprise!. 176 8!.307
The last man who made eye contact with Mr!. T was Ray Charles!. 146 8!.301
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr!. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool!." 358 8!.296
Gravity dosen't exist!. Mr!. T just pities everything to stay the **** down!. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts!. 255 8!.275
Mr!. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes!. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis!?" Willis **** himself!. 277 8!.274
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"!. 1595 8!.258
The Mathematical Proof for Mr!. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0!. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist!. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t!. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t!. This equation leads to quite an interesting result!. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity!. Now we all well know that Mr!. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba!.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr!. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr!. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity!. 285 8!.256
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time!. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno!. 1540 8!.219
Mr!. T took Mother Nature from behind!. We refer to the event as the Big Bang!. 134 8!.216
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film!. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr!. T!. 69 8!.203
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle!. 726 8!.201
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves!. 399 8!.195
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers!. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence!. 566 8!.193
Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr!. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space!. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr!. T wisely checked his swing!. 83 8!.181
Mr!. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet!. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants!. 124 8!.169
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face!. 294 8!.167
Mr!. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow!. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot!. 133 8!.150
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back!. 194 8!.149
There is no "I" in team!. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel!. **** you, team!. 412 8!.146
Vin Diesel wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team!. 183 8!.131
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris!?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance!." 935 8!.125
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin!. 790 8!.123
If you laid out all of Mr!. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ***!. 90 8!.122
Vin Diesel invented black!. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light!. Except pink!. Tom Cruise invented pink!. 298 8!.117
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket!. 236 8!.114
When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin!. He sends them to hell!. 192 8!.104
In August 2005 Mr!. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands!. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr!.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger!. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr!. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr!. T in the stomach "for fun"!. The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1!.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans!. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims!. As for Mr!. T he will simply pity the fools!. 193 8!.104
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!. 321 8!.100
Mr!. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain!. 156 8!.096
Mr!. T beat a wall at tennis!. A ******* WALL!. 121 8!.083
Mr!. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction 54 8!.074
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr!. T is going to walk!. 116 8!.060
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris!. 1016 8!.041
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr!. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold!. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode!. 64 8!.031
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg!. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died!. 1044 8!.024
Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide!. 190 8!.016
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun!. 171 8!.006
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him!. 1096 8!.005
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds!. 2695 8!.000
The only reason Mr!. T is not Dr!. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr!. T with his arms crossed!. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women!. His thesis is still yet to be marked!. 66 7!.955
Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists!. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr!. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr!. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively!. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen!. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr!. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay!. 127 7!.953
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure!. Chuck Norris goes killing!. 1070 7!.936
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ******* beef!. 1064 7!.909
Show Mr!. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity!. 93 7!.903
Mr!. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was!. 194 7!.902
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors!. 1145 7!.901
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse!. 1046 7!.884
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas!. 1116 7!.877
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection!. There were no survivors!. 255 7!.871
Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off!. 151 7!.861
Mr!. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods!. 98 7!.837
Mr!. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rulesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Why did Michael Jackson go to Kmart!?
Because he heard little boys pants were half-off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Because he heard little boys pants were half-off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock !.!.!.!.!.whos there !? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.anorexic enorexic who !?!?
nocole richie =]Www@Enter-QA@Com
nocole richie =]Www@Enter-QA@Com