What r some good little johnny jokes?!
Question: What r some good little johnny jokes!?
Answers:
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals!. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person!.
"Yes," said the policeman!. "The detectives want very badly to capture him!."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture!?"
A third grade teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in
a
sentence!.
Molly said!. "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw all the
animals!. It was fascinating!."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate"!.
Sally raised her hand!. She said, "My family went to the Statue of
Liberty
and I was fascinated!."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word
’fascinate!.’"
Johnny raised his hand!. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted
for
his bad language!. She finally decided there was no way he could damage
the
word ’fascinate’, so she called on him!.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are
so
big, she can only fasten eight!."
The teacher fainted!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!!!
The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description!. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk!." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it!?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally!?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally!. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think!." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it!?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy!?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy!. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think!." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny!." "Well Ms!. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny!. "Okay says the teacher!." "What’s round, hard, and has a head!?" replied Little Johnny!. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all!." says the teacher!. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think!."
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit!. "Now
class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about!."
"Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red!."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely,
ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple!."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking!. Now, for the
second!. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish!."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get
the teacher to call on him!. But she skips him again and calls on
Billy!.
"Is it a peach!?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato!. But I like you're
thinking!. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard!."
By now, Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand
frantically!. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally!.
"A banana," she says!.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your
thinking!."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly!. "Hey,
I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket!.
Okay, I've got it: it's about an inch and a half long, hard, and
it's got a little red head on it!."
"Johnny!" she cries!. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a match stick, but I like your
thinking!"
Little Johnny is in school one day and the teacher asked him to
use the words "bitter end" in a sentence!.
Little Johnny thought for a moment and said "The dog chased the
cat through the house and it bitter end!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Yes," said the policeman!. "The detectives want very badly to capture him!."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture!?"
A third grade teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in
a
sentence!.
Molly said!. "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw all the
animals!. It was fascinating!."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate"!.
Sally raised her hand!. She said, "My family went to the Statue of
Liberty
and I was fascinated!."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word
’fascinate!.’"
Johnny raised his hand!. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted
for
his bad language!. She finally decided there was no way he could damage
the
word ’fascinate’, so she called on him!.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are
so
big, she can only fasten eight!."
The teacher fainted!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!!!
The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description!. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk!." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it!?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally!?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally!. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think!." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it!?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy!?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy!. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think!." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny!." "Well Ms!. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny!. "Okay says the teacher!." "What’s round, hard, and has a head!?" replied Little Johnny!. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all!." says the teacher!. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think!."
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit!. "Now
class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about!."
"Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red!."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely,
ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple!."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking!. Now, for the
second!. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish!."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get
the teacher to call on him!. But she skips him again and calls on
Billy!.
"Is it a peach!?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato!. But I like you're
thinking!. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard!."
By now, Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand
frantically!. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally!.
"A banana," she says!.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your
thinking!."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly!. "Hey,
I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket!.
Okay, I've got it: it's about an inch and a half long, hard, and
it's got a little red head on it!."
"Johnny!" she cries!. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a match stick, but I like your
thinking!"
Little Johnny is in school one day and the teacher asked him to
use the words "bitter end" in a sentence!.
Little Johnny thought for a moment and said "The dog chased the
cat through the house and it bitter end!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
I love dirty Johnny jokes!
I'll be backWww@Enter-QA@Com
I'll be backWww@Enter-QA@Com
haha alright here you go!!
?
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days!. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him!.
"So how was it!?" his mother asked when they returned home!.
"Great," Little Johnny replied!.
"Did you and daddy have a good time!?" asked his mother!.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner!.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him!. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could!.
"Where's my bucket and my water!?" She asked!.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny!. He's been
there for years, and he's never hurt no one!. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice!.
First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!."
"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher!. She then called on Little Tommy!.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said!.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny!.!.!.
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()!.!.!.
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms!.
"Now, class!. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water!. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed!.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass!. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died!. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment!?" he asked!.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays!. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer!.
"We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said!.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher
said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that!?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of
it, we went to Iowa!."
()()()()()()()()()()(()()
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from!."
Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny!."
"Why!?" one asked!.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd"!.
()(()()()()()()())()()()()()()
Little Johnny was doing his math homework!. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven!. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine!."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing!?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework!."
" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it!?" the mother asked!. "Yes," he answered!.
Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class!?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition!." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is four!?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
?
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days!. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him!.
"So how was it!?" his mother asked when they returned home!.
"Great," Little Johnny replied!.
"Did you and daddy have a good time!?" asked his mother!.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner!.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him!. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could!.
"Where's my bucket and my water!?" She asked!.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny!. He's been
there for years, and he's never hurt no one!. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice!.
First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!."
"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher!. She then called on Little Tommy!.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said!.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny!.!.!.
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()!.!.!.
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms!.
"Now, class!. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water!. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed!.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass!. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died!. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment!?" he asked!.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays!. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer!.
"We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said!.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher
said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that!?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of
it, we went to Iowa!."
()()()()()()()()()()(()()
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from!."
Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny!."
"Why!?" one asked!.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd"!.
()(()()()()()()())()()()()()()
Little Johnny was doing his math homework!. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven!. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine!."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing!?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework!."
" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it!?" the mother asked!. "Yes," he answered!.
Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class!?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition!." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is four!?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four!."Www@Enter-QA@Com