What or whom made you laugh today? I need a good laugh?!


Question: What or whom made you laugh today!? I need a good laugh!?
Answers:
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah



There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?



1!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Laxatives !.!.!.!.!. They irritate the crap out of you!.
2!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Bananas !.!.!.!.!.!. The older they get, the less firm they
are!.
3!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Weather !.!.!.!.!. Nothing can be done to change them!.
4!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Blenders !.!.!. You need One, but you're not quite sure
why!.
5!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Chocolate Bars !.!.!. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head
right for your hips!.
6!. Men are like !.!.!.!.Commercials !.!.!.!.!.!. You can't believe a word they say!.
7!. Men are like Department Stores !.!.!.!. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!.
8!. Men are like !.!. Government Bonds !.!.!. !. They take soooooooo long to
mature!.
9!. Men are like !.!. Mascara !.!.!.!.!. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion!.
10!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Popcorn !.!.!.!.!. They satisfy you, but only for a little
while!.
11!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Lava Lamps !.!.!. Fun to look at, but not very bright!.
12!. Men are like Parking Spots !.!.!.!.!.!.!. All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I LOVE MY JOB !. !. !. !. !. !.

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This
is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy!.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana !.!. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs!.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister!. She then sent it to radio
station 103!.2 on FM dial in Ft!. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest!. Needless to say, she won!.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother!.

Last week I had a bad day at the office!. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you
to make you realize it's not so bad after all!.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job!.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea!. I wear a suit to the office!. It's a wet suit!. This time of year the water is quite cool!. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
industrial water heater!. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea!. It heats it to a delightful temperature!.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
taped to the air hose!. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints!.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit!. This floods my whole suit with warm water!. It's like working in a Jacuzzi!.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch!. So, of course, I scratched it!. This only made things worse!.

Within a few seconds my butt started to burn!. I pull ed the hose out from my back, but the damage was done!. In agony I realized what had happened!.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit!. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate!.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt!.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator!. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically!.

Needless to say I aborted the dive!. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression!. When I arrived
at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet!.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber!.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut!.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt!.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job!."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day!?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com

There was a blonde, brunette, and red head!. There was also a bar that had a magical mirror and if you lied it would suck you in!. So the first day, the brunette walked in, walked up to the mirror, and said" I think im the most beautiful girl ever!. And the mirror sucks her in!. The next day, the red head walks into the bar and walks up to the mirror and says: I think IM the most beautiful girl ever!. And the mirror sucks her in!. The next day a blonde walks into the bar, walks up the the mirror and said: I think!.!.!. and the mirror sucked her in!. lol

How did you know if the cat was dead!?!? ( short story)

Johnny: Mommy, i found a dead cat outside in our backyard!.

Mom: how do you know it was dead!?

Johnny: I pissed in its ear!.

Mom: WHAT!!! Johnny why would you do that!?!?

Johnny: To see if it was dead!.

Mom: But why would you do that!.

Johnny: I pss'ed in its ear to see if it heard me!.

Yo mama so fat that she wore high heels in to morning and by afternoon they were flats!.

Yo mama so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the atlantic ocean!.

Yo mama so ugly, they had to put tinted windows on the incubator when she was born!.

i hope i gave you a few laughs!.!.

Love xoxoxoxoxo

mariahWww@Enter-QA@Com

i made myself laugh bcuz there is this mean fat kid named chris who touched my toes and this is the conversation between me and my friend:
me: oh no chris touched me on my toes!
friend: (touches my toes) ok now they are healed so they wont get fat and fall off
me no that couldnt happen or else chris's man boobs would have fallen offWww@Enter-QA@Com

My friend was in music class and her feet were sticking out from under her desk!. A guy walks by and trips on her feet and falls on his face!. It sounds so funny! But I wasn't there to see it!. :(Www@Enter-QA@Com

CUBS BEAT THE SOX!!! 4 - 3
GO CUBS GO!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com

i went and saw get smart today in theaters!. it was really funny!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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