Jokes & riddles?!
Question: Jokes & riddles!?
Dosen't any one have any good jokes & riddles tonight!.!.!.!.I am in need of a good cheering up!. Thanks in advance for any answers!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
LITTLE Mark ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left!?'
She calls on little MARK!.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot!.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking!.'
Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU!.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream!. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone!. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream!. Which one is married!?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone!.'
To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on' but I like your thinking!.'
LITTLE MARK ON MATH (Part 2)
Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic
'Why!?' asks the father!?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies MARK!.
'But that's right!' says his dad!.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2!?''
'What's the ******* difference!?' asks the father
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH
Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class!. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word!?'
MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate!.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful!.'
Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a *******!.'
LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR
Little MARK was sitting in class one day!. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom!. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation!. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate!.' Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go!.'
Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice!.
First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher!. She then called on little Michael!.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully!.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK!.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!''
LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER
Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another!.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you!. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat!.'
Little MARK replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old!.!.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time!?'
Little MARK answered, 'No, he minded his own ******* businessWww@Enter-QA@Com
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left!?'
She calls on little MARK!.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot!.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking!.'
Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU!.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream!. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone!. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream!. Which one is married!?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone!.'
To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on' but I like your thinking!.'
LITTLE MARK ON MATH (Part 2)
Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic
'Why!?' asks the father!?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies MARK!.
'But that's right!' says his dad!.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2!?''
'What's the ******* difference!?' asks the father
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH
Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class!. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word!?'
MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate!.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful!.'
Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a *******!.'
LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR
Little MARK was sitting in class one day!. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom!. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation!. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate!.' Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go!.'
Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice!.
First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher!. She then called on little Michael!.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully!.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK!.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!''
LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER
Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another!.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you!. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat!.'
Little MARK replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old!.!.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time!?'
Little MARK answered, 'No, he minded his own ******* businessWww@Enter-QA@Com
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and say, "man it's really hot in here"!. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, "WHOA, a talking muffin!"
ONE MORE!
A man walks into a pub with a giraffe on a lead!. "I'll have a pint of Guinness" says the man "and ten pints for the giraffe"!. The man then starts to down his pint in one go!. The giraffe, seeing this, starts banging down the ten pints like there was no tomorrow!. The race is on! The man gets half way down and the Giraffe's only on number four!. Then, with an amazing burst of speed, the giraffe just manages to scrape ahead!. But on pint number ten the giraffe gets half-way, then falls off the bar stool, and passes out on the floor!. The man promptly finishes his pint and starts to leave!. "Hey," says the barman "you can't leave that lyin' there!" Says the man: "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
ONE MORE!
A man walks into a pub with a giraffe on a lead!. "I'll have a pint of Guinness" says the man "and ten pints for the giraffe"!. The man then starts to down his pint in one go!. The giraffe, seeing this, starts banging down the ten pints like there was no tomorrow!. The race is on! The man gets half way down and the Giraffe's only on number four!. Then, with an amazing burst of speed, the giraffe just manages to scrape ahead!. But on pint number ten the giraffe gets half-way, then falls off the bar stool, and passes out on the floor!. The man promptly finishes his pint and starts to leave!. "Hey," says the barman "you can't leave that lyin' there!" Says the man: "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
a group of blondes go into a coffe store chanting 28 days 28 days it only took us 28 days!. everybody was puzzled and wonder what they had accomplished in 28 days so before they leave a waiter asks "excuse me but what took you 28 days!?"and they respond proudly and say we just finished a puzzle and on the box it said 3-6 years!
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news!. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump!.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50!. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend!."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No!. A bet's a bet!."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money!."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
lol these get me every time!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news!. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump!.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50!. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend!."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No!. A bet's a bet!."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money!."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
lol these get me every time!Www@Enter-QA@Com
SMART ARSED ANSWER 1
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner!?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row!. "What are my choices!?" the man asked!. "Yes or no," she replied!.
SMART ARSED ANSWER2
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets!. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her!. Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub!."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family!. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Turkeys get any bigger!?" The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead!."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road!. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead!." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it!. Cars are backed up for miles!. Finally, a police car comes up!. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh!?" The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner!?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row!. "What are my choices!?" the man asked!. "Yes or no," she replied!.
SMART ARSED ANSWER2
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets!. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her!. Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub!."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family!. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Turkeys get any bigger!?" The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead!."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road!. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead!." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it!. Cars are backed up for miles!. Finally, a police car comes up!. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh!?" The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
WOMAN'S RIGHTS!
HAHAHA!!!!
No, I'm just playin' around, don't be pissed!. But here is one:
Three blonds are hiking in the wood, and they come across some tracks!.
The first blond says, "Hey, I know what those are!. They are bear tracks!."
The second blond replys, "No, no, no!. Those are definitively Horse tracks!"
The third blond thinks about it for a little, and says, "I got it! Those are-" BAM!
All three are hit by the train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
HAHAHA!!!!
No, I'm just playin' around, don't be pissed!. But here is one:
Three blonds are hiking in the wood, and they come across some tracks!.
The first blond says, "Hey, I know what those are!. They are bear tracks!."
The second blond replys, "No, no, no!. Those are definitively Horse tracks!"
The third blond thinks about it for a little, and says, "I got it! Those are-" BAM!
All three are hit by the train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck!.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car!.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement!. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle!.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires!.
The blonde started laughing!.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield!.
This time the blonde laughed even harder!.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car!.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny!.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
also!.!.!. wanna help me out & answer my question!?!? Please!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
Thanks!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car!.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement!. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle!.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires!.
The blonde started laughing!.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield!.
This time the blonde laughed even harder!.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car!.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny!.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
also!.!.!. wanna help me out & answer my question!?!? Please!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
Thanks!Www@Enter-QA@Com
You remind me of a gal
What gal!?
The gal with the power!.
What power!?
The power of Hoodoo
Who do!?
You do!.
What!?
Remind me of a gal!.
What gal!?
The gal with the power!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
(just keep repeating with someone, see who gets tired first!.)Www@Enter-QA@Com
What gal!?
The gal with the power!.
What power!?
The power of Hoodoo
Who do!?
You do!.
What!?
Remind me of a gal!.
What gal!?
The gal with the power!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
(just keep repeating with someone, see who gets tired first!.)Www@Enter-QA@Com
What fish should only come out at night!?
- a starfish
How do you stop a skunk from smelling!?
- hold it's nose
Whats at the end of a rainbow!?
-"w"
Tracy's mom has 4 kids!. North, South, East, and!.!.!.!.!.
- Tracy
Hope that helpsWww@Enter-QA@Com
- a starfish
How do you stop a skunk from smelling!?
- hold it's nose
Whats at the end of a rainbow!?
-"w"
Tracy's mom has 4 kids!. North, South, East, and!.!.!.!.!.
- Tracy
Hope that helpsWww@Enter-QA@Com
You are lying on the beach and Michael Jackson comes to stand in front of you, what do you tell him!?
Get out of my sun (son)!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Get out of my sun (son)!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock
whos there
boo
boo who
why are you crying
knock knock
whos there
orange
orange who
well orange you glad to see my response!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
whos there
boo
boo who
why are you crying
knock knock
whos there
orange
orange who
well orange you glad to see my response!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
why did'nt the skeleton cross the road!? because he did'nt have the guts!Www@Enter-QA@Com
i bought a 50" widescreen tv today for ￡40!. only thing wrong with it was the sound button was broken!.!.!.!.
but at that price i couldn't turn it down :))Www@Enter-QA@Com
but at that price i couldn't turn it down :))Www@Enter-QA@Com
What make Michel Jackson and a grocerybag alike!.!.!.
They are made of plastic and are dangerouse for kids to play with!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
They are made of plastic and are dangerouse for kids to play with!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
a blonde walks into a room and sees cheerios and says \
"hey look doughnut seeds"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"hey look doughnut seeds"Www@Enter-QA@Com
non-nok
who's there!?
Amos!
Amos who!?
A mosquito!.
(This can go on !.!.!.!. but Have a nice night)Www@Enter-QA@Com
who's there!?
Amos!
Amos who!?
A mosquito!.
(This can go on !.!.!.!. but Have a nice night)Www@Enter-QA@Com
i can see your pennsylvania,i need to go scrub my self to be clean again!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol!.!.!.at the other answersWww@Enter-QA@Com
My blonde girlfriend took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What's orange and sounds like a parrot!?
A carrot! hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
A carrot! hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
well i dont do jokes per se but ive got good come backs lol like ye your so hard (in your trousers)Www@Enter-QA@Com