What is your funniest joke?!
Question: What is your funniest joke!?
I need a really funny joke, what is your favorite!?
(my last question was deleated be cause "it wasnt a question or an answer", this is a QUESTION)
Thanks!Www@Enter-QA@Com
(my last question was deleated be cause "it wasnt a question or an answer", this is a QUESTION)
Thanks!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly boobs
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?
There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!
a man goes it to the dentist and asks for his tooth to be removed!. the dentist says ok well I have to give you a shot!. No the man replies I hate needles your not giving me a shot!. well the dentist says wehave some gas to give you!. again the answer was no!. the dentist goes to his office and brings back some pills!. the man takes them and asks what they were!. the dentist replies viagra!. VIAGRA!!! the man shouts what for!. well it won’t do sh*t for the pain but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull this tooth!.
Teacher ask what kinds of medicines do the students know & what they are used for!.
Pupil #1!.!.Tylenol!.!.Teacher: Excellent!.!.what is it used for!.pupil!.!.headaches!.
Pupil #2!.Nytol!.!.Teacher!.!.excellent!.!.what is it used for!? Pupil!.!.to sleep!.
Now it is little Johnny's turn!.!.!.he says viagra- Teacher slightly shocked-Johnny what do you think it is used for!?
Johnny!.!.Diarrhea!.
Teacher!.!.who told you that!?
Johnny!.!.nobody!.!.I hear mom say to dad every morning take a viagra!.!.!.maybe that little $h!t will get harder!Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly boobs
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?
There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!
a man goes it to the dentist and asks for his tooth to be removed!. the dentist says ok well I have to give you a shot!. No the man replies I hate needles your not giving me a shot!. well the dentist says wehave some gas to give you!. again the answer was no!. the dentist goes to his office and brings back some pills!. the man takes them and asks what they were!. the dentist replies viagra!. VIAGRA!!! the man shouts what for!. well it won’t do sh*t for the pain but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull this tooth!.
Teacher ask what kinds of medicines do the students know & what they are used for!.
Pupil #1!.!.Tylenol!.!.Teacher: Excellent!.!.what is it used for!.pupil!.!.headaches!.
Pupil #2!.Nytol!.!.Teacher!.!.excellent!.!.what is it used for!? Pupil!.!.to sleep!.
Now it is little Johnny's turn!.!.!.he says viagra- Teacher slightly shocked-Johnny what do you think it is used for!?
Johnny!.!.Diarrhea!.
Teacher!.!.who told you that!?
Johnny!.!.nobody!.!.I hear mom say to dad every morning take a viagra!.!.!.maybe that little $h!t will get harder!Www@Enter-QA@Com
why do they call the candy life savor when you can choke on it
why didn't the godzilla cross the road
cuz hes already bigger than the road
a girl ran out of paper for her diary a stormy night so she went to a night market to buy a brand new one!. As soon as she got there, it was dark but she insist on going in the store!. An old man appeared and asked her what she want!. THe girl quickly said "I want a brand new diary" !. The man dismissed himself and went inside a dark room in search for a diary!. About 5 mins the man came back and handed the diary to the girl!. "That would be 6$ plz" !. The girl was fustrated with the cost but she nevertheless gave the old man the money!. Just as the girl was about to leave the store, the man stopped her!. "Whatever you do, do NOT turn to the last page!"!. The girl nodded with fright and quickly left!. As soon as she gets home, the girl began to write in her diary!. She was writing so quick that she accidentally flipped to the last page : "HALF PRICE!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
why didn't the godzilla cross the road
cuz hes already bigger than the road
a girl ran out of paper for her diary a stormy night so she went to a night market to buy a brand new one!. As soon as she got there, it was dark but she insist on going in the store!. An old man appeared and asked her what she want!. THe girl quickly said "I want a brand new diary" !. The man dismissed himself and went inside a dark room in search for a diary!. About 5 mins the man came back and handed the diary to the girl!. "That would be 6$ plz" !. The girl was fustrated with the cost but she nevertheless gave the old man the money!. Just as the girl was about to leave the store, the man stopped her!. "Whatever you do, do NOT turn to the last page!"!. The girl nodded with fright and quickly left!. As soon as she gets home, the girl began to write in her diary!. She was writing so quick that she accidentally flipped to the last page : "HALF PRICE!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
a blonde a black and a brunette broke down in the dessert island in there car with just a few snacks e!.c!.t!.
they deided to go search for smone or somthing!. the brunette grabbed some chips and said "lets take some food, we'll get hungry!." the black haidred woeman took some water "incase we get thirsty" she said!.
the blonde then ripped off the car door!. they other two girls looked at her!.
"its incase it gets to hot outside, we can role down he window"
your mammas so fat the only way to get her out of a telephone box is to grease her thies and throw a twinkie in the roadWww@Enter-QA@Com
they deided to go search for smone or somthing!. the brunette grabbed some chips and said "lets take some food, we'll get hungry!." the black haidred woeman took some water "incase we get thirsty" she said!.
the blonde then ripped off the car door!. they other two girls looked at her!.
"its incase it gets to hot outside, we can role down he window"
your mammas so fat the only way to get her out of a telephone box is to grease her thies and throw a twinkie in the roadWww@Enter-QA@Com
A duck walks into a store, the duck says "got any grapes" the clerk says "no", the duck walks out, the duck walks in and says "got any grapes" the clerk says "no", the duck walks out,the duck walks in and says "got any grapes" the clerk says "no", the duck walks out, the duck walks in and says "got any grapes" the clerk says "no, if u ask again ill nail ur feet to the wall!", the duck walks out, the duck walks in "got any nails!?" the clerk says no, the duck says "got any grapes!?"
another is, A guy comes from a country where he doesn't know english except "Dude, I don't know" and "Yes"
so he gets a job in a gum shop and the manager says "When someone asks if we have gum say yes" the mangager walks away, a little boy comes in and asks "do you have gum!?" the guy says "yes" the boy asks how much is it!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the boy walks out crying, the mangager comes back and says "if they ask how much say 25 cents" the mangager walks away, a little girl comes in and asks "do you have any gum" the guy says "yes" the girl asks "how much is it!?" the guy says "25 cents" the girl asks "is it fresh!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the girl walks out, the manger walks in and says "if they ask if it's fresh say yes verry verry fresh" the manager walks away, a Gentalman walks in and says "Do you hace any gum!?" the guy says "Yes" the Gentalman says "how much is it!?" the guy says "25 cents" the Gentalman says "Is it fresh!?" the guy says "Yes Verry Verry fresh" the Gentalman asks "should i buy some!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the Gentalman walks out the manager walks in and says "If they ask if they should do something say 'please do before anyone else does' okay!?" the manger walks out, a rober walks in "Do you have any money!?" the guy says "Yes" the robber says "how much!?" the guy says "25 cents" the robber says "are you gettin' fresh with me!?" the guy says "Yes Verry Verry fresh" the robber asks "should i shoot you!?" the guy says "PLEASE DO BEFORE ANYONE ElSE DOES!"
Your Mamma so dumb she thought a Quarterback was a REFUND :O
Your Mamma so FAT! she wore a goodyear shirt to a race and a pilolet tried to climb up here and ride her(BLIMP if u didn't get it)
Your Mamma so DUMB she sold her car for gas money
Your Mamma so Ugly she looked out a window and got arrested for MOONING!
You Mamma so Fat when she wore red all the kids chaced her yelling "KOOL-AID!!KOOL-AID!!"
Your Mamma Fat when she went swimming in the ocean the whales sang "WE ARE FAMILY, EVEN THOUGH UR FATTER THAN ME!!!!!!!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
another is, A guy comes from a country where he doesn't know english except "Dude, I don't know" and "Yes"
so he gets a job in a gum shop and the manager says "When someone asks if we have gum say yes" the mangager walks away, a little boy comes in and asks "do you have gum!?" the guy says "yes" the boy asks how much is it!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the boy walks out crying, the mangager comes back and says "if they ask how much say 25 cents" the mangager walks away, a little girl comes in and asks "do you have any gum" the guy says "yes" the girl asks "how much is it!?" the guy says "25 cents" the girl asks "is it fresh!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the girl walks out, the manger walks in and says "if they ask if it's fresh say yes verry verry fresh" the manager walks away, a Gentalman walks in and says "Do you hace any gum!?" the guy says "Yes" the Gentalman says "how much is it!?" the guy says "25 cents" the Gentalman says "Is it fresh!?" the guy says "Yes Verry Verry fresh" the Gentalman asks "should i buy some!?" the guy says "Dude, I don't know" the Gentalman walks out the manager walks in and says "If they ask if they should do something say 'please do before anyone else does' okay!?" the manger walks out, a rober walks in "Do you have any money!?" the guy says "Yes" the robber says "how much!?" the guy says "25 cents" the robber says "are you gettin' fresh with me!?" the guy says "Yes Verry Verry fresh" the robber asks "should i shoot you!?" the guy says "PLEASE DO BEFORE ANYONE ElSE DOES!"
Your Mamma so dumb she thought a Quarterback was a REFUND :O
Your Mamma so FAT! she wore a goodyear shirt to a race and a pilolet tried to climb up here and ride her(BLIMP if u didn't get it)
Your Mamma so DUMB she sold her car for gas money
Your Mamma so Ugly she looked out a window and got arrested for MOONING!
You Mamma so Fat when she wore red all the kids chaced her yelling "KOOL-AID!!KOOL-AID!!"
Your Mamma Fat when she went swimming in the ocean the whales sang "WE ARE FAMILY, EVEN THOUGH UR FATTER THAN ME!!!!!!!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish!. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home!. The second guy wishes the same!. The third guy says “I’m lonely!. I wish my friends were back here!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Naughty Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why wuz it so loud in the cemetary!?
(scroll ddown 4 answer)
Answer:
because of all the coffin'Www@Enter-QA@Com
(scroll ddown 4 answer)
Answer:
because of all the coffin'Www@Enter-QA@Com
What Did The Apple Say To The Banana!?
(answer in sources)Www@Enter-QA@Com
(answer in sources)Www@Enter-QA@Com