I am sad, i need jokes!!!!!!!
Question: I am sad, i need jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.!.!.
i am sad and i need some funny jokesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Do you think this will make you smile!? Hope so!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson went on a camping trip!.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?"
Watson pondered for a minute!. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Why, what does it tell YOU!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Watson, you idiot!. Some jerk has stolen our tent!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson went on a camping trip!.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?"
Watson pondered for a minute!. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Why, what does it tell YOU!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Watson, you idiot!. Some jerk has stolen our tent!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down!. A lady
cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open!."
This is not a phrase we men normally use so he went on his way
looking a bit puzzled!. When he was about done shopping, a man
came up and said, "Your fly is open!." He zipped up and finished
his shopping!.
He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady
was who told him about his "barracks door!." He was planning to
have a little fun with her!. When he reached her counter he said,
"When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier
standing in there at attention!?"
The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no!. I didn't!. All I
saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags!!!
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex!. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely
impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor!. The
doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion!. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms!. Later that
evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her
about the situation and handed her a box of condoms!. The girl burst
out laughing and reached over t o hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You
don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open!."
This is not a phrase we men normally use so he went on his way
looking a bit puzzled!. When he was about done shopping, a man
came up and said, "Your fly is open!." He zipped up and finished
his shopping!.
He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady
was who told him about his "barracks door!." He was planning to
have a little fun with her!. When he reached her counter he said,
"When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier
standing in there at attention!?"
The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no!. I didn't!. All I
saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags!!!
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex!. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely
impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor!. The
doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion!. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms!. Later that
evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her
about the situation and handed her a box of condoms!. The girl burst
out laughing and reached over t o hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You
don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Mexican man walks into a cafe one early morning and he noticed that he was the only Mexican man there!. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him!.
The white man said, "Colored people are not aloud here," The Mexican man turned around and stood up!.
He then said:
"Listen Pendejo!.!.!.!.!.!.!. when i was born i was BROWN,
When I grew up, I was BROWN,
When I am sick, I am BROWN
When I go In the sun I am BROWN,
When I am cold, I am BROWN,
When I die, I'll be BROWN
But you, Pendejo!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
When you're born, you're pink,
When you grow up, you're white,
When you're sick, you're green,
When you go in the sun, you turn red,
When you're cold, you turn blue,
And when you die, you turn purple,
And you have the nerve to call me colored!?!!?!!?!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The white man said, "Colored people are not aloud here," The Mexican man turned around and stood up!.
He then said:
"Listen Pendejo!.!.!.!.!.!.!. when i was born i was BROWN,
When I grew up, I was BROWN,
When I am sick, I am BROWN
When I go In the sun I am BROWN,
When I am cold, I am BROWN,
When I die, I'll be BROWN
But you, Pendejo!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
When you're born, you're pink,
When you grow up, you're white,
When you're sick, you're green,
When you go in the sun, you turn red,
When you're cold, you turn blue,
And when you die, you turn purple,
And you have the nerve to call me colored!?!!?!!?!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost!. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks!. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for!?"!.
The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel!."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me!."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters!. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel!. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it!?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel!."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me!."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters!. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel!. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it!?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man just finished his tennis practice for the next Wimbledon and he saw an unattended tennis ball machine!. He decided to put his hand in a grab a few out and he stuffed them in his pocket!. Later that day a little girl went up to him and said, "What's that in your pocket"!? The man replied "Tennis Ball" "Ouch" said the girl, "I've had tennis elbow before"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman!?"
"Both son!. God is both!."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white!?"
"Both son, both!."
"Daddy, does God love children!?"
"Yes son, he loves all children!."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Both son!. God is both!."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white!?"
"Both son, both!."
"Daddy, does God love children!?"
"Yes son, he loves all children!."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
its not that i have anything against blondes but:
A blonde was in a car accident and stuff so the police asked if she was alright and what had happened!.!.!.she told him that she saw a tree and swerved to the right!.!.!.then she saw another tree and swerved to the left!.!.!.and so on!.!.the police told her that there were no trees for fifty miles and it was her airfreshner swinging!.!.!.
There was a blonde driving down the road one day!. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight!.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing!? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name!. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”
A 3 year old kid was listening to his dad talking to his boss when the kid heard his dad say “Bitc# that Bastard!” Eventually they left and on the way home the son asked “Daddy What does Bitc$ and Bastard mean!?” And the dad replied “It means Girls and Boys son” Once they got home there mom started making dinner and she cut herself with a knife and said “F$$k!” and the son was listening so later the son asked “What does F#$k mean mommy” And his mom said “Cutting son”!. After that he went upstairs to his dads bathroom and saw him shaving he cut him self and said S$%t and the son overheard and eventually asked him what S$#t meant and the dad said “Shaving cream son” Then the doorbell rang and the little kid answered it was a boy and a girl and they wanted his parents so he told them “Hello Bitc#$s and Bastards my Mom is in the kitchen f$$king herself and my dads in his bathroom putting s$&t on his face”
Ok, this is a test to see if you have a normal mind or a perverted mind!. Read this sentence carefully:
thepenisinhermouth
Now, if you thought this sentence read ” the pen is in her mouth” then you have a normal mind!.
If you thought this sentence read ” the penis in her mouth” you are a pervert!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde was in a car accident and stuff so the police asked if she was alright and what had happened!.!.!.she told him that she saw a tree and swerved to the right!.!.!.then she saw another tree and swerved to the left!.!.!.and so on!.!.the police told her that there were no trees for fifty miles and it was her airfreshner swinging!.!.!.
There was a blonde driving down the road one day!. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight!.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing!? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name!. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”
A 3 year old kid was listening to his dad talking to his boss when the kid heard his dad say “Bitc# that Bastard!” Eventually they left and on the way home the son asked “Daddy What does Bitc$ and Bastard mean!?” And the dad replied “It means Girls and Boys son” Once they got home there mom started making dinner and she cut herself with a knife and said “F$$k!” and the son was listening so later the son asked “What does F#$k mean mommy” And his mom said “Cutting son”!. After that he went upstairs to his dads bathroom and saw him shaving he cut him self and said S$%t and the son overheard and eventually asked him what S$#t meant and the dad said “Shaving cream son” Then the doorbell rang and the little kid answered it was a boy and a girl and they wanted his parents so he told them “Hello Bitc#$s and Bastards my Mom is in the kitchen f$$king herself and my dads in his bathroom putting s$&t on his face”
Ok, this is a test to see if you have a normal mind or a perverted mind!. Read this sentence carefully:
thepenisinhermouth
Now, if you thought this sentence read ” the pen is in her mouth” then you have a normal mind!.
If you thought this sentence read ” the penis in her mouth” you are a pervert!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Interviewer:what is skeleton!?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it!.!.!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it!.!.!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why did mickey break up with minnie email me if u want the answerWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly boobs
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?
There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!
a man goes it to the dentist and asks for his tooth to be removed!. the dentist says ok well I have to give you a shot!. No the man replies I hate needles your not giving me a shot!. well the dentist says wehave some gas to give you!. again the answer was no!. the dentist goes to his office and brings back some pills!. the man takes them and asks what they were!. the dentist replies viagra!. VIAGRA!!! the man shouts what for!. well it won’t do sh*t for the pain but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull this tooth!.
Teacher ask what kinds of medicines do the students know & what they are used for!.
Pupil #1!.!.Tylenol!.!.Teacher: Excellent!.!.what is it used for!.pupil!.!.headaches!.
Pupil #2!.Nytol!.!.Teacher!.!.excellent!.!.what is it used for!? Pupil!.!.to sleep!.
Now it is little Johnny's turn!.!.!.he says viagra- Teacher slightly shocked-Johnny what do you think it is used for!?
Johnny!.!.Diarrhea!.
Teacher!.!.who told you that!?
Johnny!.!.nobody!.!.I hear mom say to dad every morning take a viagra!.!.!.maybe that little $h!t will get harder!
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals!. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person!.
"Yes," said the policeman!. "The detectives want very badly to capture him!."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture!?"
Little Johnny is in school one day and the teacher asked him to
use the words "bitter end" in a sentence!. Little Johnny thought for a moment and said "The dog chased the
cat through the house and it bitter end!.
The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description!. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk!." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it!?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally!?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally!. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think!." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it!?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy!?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy!. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think!." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny!." "Well Ms!. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny!. "Okay says the teacher!." "What’s round, hard, and has a head!?" replied Little Johnny!. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all!." says the teacher!. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly boobs
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?
There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!
a man goes it to the dentist and asks for his tooth to be removed!. the dentist says ok well I have to give you a shot!. No the man replies I hate needles your not giving me a shot!. well the dentist says wehave some gas to give you!. again the answer was no!. the dentist goes to his office and brings back some pills!. the man takes them and asks what they were!. the dentist replies viagra!. VIAGRA!!! the man shouts what for!. well it won’t do sh*t for the pain but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull this tooth!.
Teacher ask what kinds of medicines do the students know & what they are used for!.
Pupil #1!.!.Tylenol!.!.Teacher: Excellent!.!.what is it used for!.pupil!.!.headaches!.
Pupil #2!.Nytol!.!.Teacher!.!.excellent!.!.what is it used for!? Pupil!.!.to sleep!.
Now it is little Johnny's turn!.!.!.he says viagra- Teacher slightly shocked-Johnny what do you think it is used for!?
Johnny!.!.Diarrhea!.
Teacher!.!.who told you that!?
Johnny!.!.nobody!.!.I hear mom say to dad every morning take a viagra!.!.!.maybe that little $h!t will get harder!
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals!. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person!.
"Yes," said the policeman!. "The detectives want very badly to capture him!."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture!?"
Little Johnny is in school one day and the teacher asked him to
use the words "bitter end" in a sentence!. Little Johnny thought for a moment and said "The dog chased the
cat through the house and it bitter end!.
The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description!. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk!." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it!?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally!?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally!. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think!." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it!?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy!?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy!. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think!." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny!." "Well Ms!. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny!. "Okay says the teacher!." "What’s round, hard, and has a head!?" replied Little Johnny!. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all!." says the teacher!. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think!."Www@Enter-QA@Com