Jokes... make you laugh, it will... leave a star, you must...?!
Question: Jokes!.!.!. make you laugh, it will!.!.!. leave a star, you must!.!.!.!?
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies!. "Lots of people have harmless delusions!. It will pass!.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists!. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake!.''
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in!.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here!."
A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater!. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat!."
The man groaned but didn't budge!. The usher became impatient!.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager!."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager!. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man!. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success!. Finally, they summoned the police!. The cop surveyed the situation briefly!.
"All right, buddy!. What's your name!?"
"Sam," the man moaned!.
"Where ya from, Sam!?" the cop asked!.
"The balcony!."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak!. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done!. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass!. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip!."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice!. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink!. He proceeded to talk up a storm!. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1!. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp!.
2!. There are 10 commandments, not 12!.
3!. There are 12 disciples, not 10!.
4!. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated!.
5!. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***!.
6!. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J!.C!.
7!. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook!.
8!. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him!.
9!. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***!.
10!. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11!. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me!."
12!. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry"!.
13!. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"!. and finally!.!.!.
14!. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St!.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St!. Taffy's!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies!. "Lots of people have harmless delusions!. It will pass!.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists!. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake!.''
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in!.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here!."
A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater!. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat!."
The man groaned but didn't budge!. The usher became impatient!.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager!."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager!. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man!. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success!. Finally, they summoned the police!. The cop surveyed the situation briefly!.
"All right, buddy!. What's your name!?"
"Sam," the man moaned!.
"Where ya from, Sam!?" the cop asked!.
"The balcony!."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak!. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done!. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass!. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip!."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice!. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink!. He proceeded to talk up a storm!. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1!. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp!.
2!. There are 10 commandments, not 12!.
3!. There are 12 disciples, not 10!.
4!. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated!.
5!. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***!.
6!. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J!.C!.
7!. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook!.
8!. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him!.
9!. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***!.
10!. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11!. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me!."
12!. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry"!.
13!. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"!. and finally!.!.!.
14!. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St!.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St!. Taffy's!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
keep it up, im ur biggest fan!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The last one was definitely my favorite!. Very funny!Www@Enter-QA@Com
LOL! Nice jokes!Www@Enter-QA@Com
LMAO!!!!!!
those were amazingly funny!
thanks for the laughs
star for you!Www@Enter-QA@Com
those were amazingly funny!
thanks for the laughs
star for you!Www@Enter-QA@Com
All were funny apart from da theatre one!.!.i had heard it before n didn't like it!.but u do deserve a star,especially for the last one!Www@Enter-QA@Com
LOLWww@Enter-QA@Com
Wow, those were great! They really made me laugh!Www@Enter-QA@Com
rofl my favorite was the masturbation joke but I don't get the 1st oneWww@Enter-QA@Com
hahah
they made laughWww@Enter-QA@Com
they made laughWww@Enter-QA@Com
to be completely honest with you, i think what you wrote is very long and no one is really going to read it!. i read some of it though!. sort of funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com