Have any good jokes for me?!


Question: Have any good jokes for me!?
Any good jokes to cheer me up!? I prefer long jokes!.!.!. Doesn't matter whether it's dirty or clean, either one's fine!. Best joke/jokes gets the best answer!

Ready!?

Set!?

*BOOM!*

GO!!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
My friend told me this one:

There once was a lady named Samantha who lived on the fourth story of an apartment building!. The man who lived on the first floor was a scientist!. The man who lived on the second floor was very poor!. And the man who lived on the third floor was blind!.
One day Samantha was taking a shower when someone knocked on the door!. She went to the door and peeked through the hole to see who it was!. It was the scientist from the first floor!. So she got her towel and opened the door!. The scientist said, "Guess what! Guess what!" "What!?" said Samantha!. "I discovered the cure for cancer!" "Wow!" said Samantha!. She shut the door and went back into the shower!.
After a while she heard a knock on the door!. She went to the door and peeked through the hole to see who it was!. It was the poor man from the second floor!. So Samantha got her towel and opened the door!. The poor man said, "Guess what! Guess What!" "What!?" said Samantha!. "I found a million dollars!" "Wow!" she said, and shut the door!. She went back to the shower!.
Then she heard another knock on the door!. She went to the door and peeked through the hole to see who it was!. It was the blind man!. She didn't bother getting her towel because the man couldn't see her anyway!. So she just opened the door!. The blind man said, "Guess what! Guess what!" "What!?" said Samantha!. "I can see!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions!.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato"!.

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher!.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher!.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"Www@Enter-QA@Com

Two humorous stories from India and Taiwan::

1!.!.!.In an Indian zoo, two new assistants were washing a female elephant during normal bathing time!. One washing the head and the other washing the rear!. The front one commanded the elephant to raise its head and trunk, so he could clean the mouth and brush its teeth!. The beast did as it was told, brought its rear down!. The other assistant suddenly threw down the long brush and started stamping his feet and dancing!. His friend thought he was just being happy --after all he went for all-night disco, the night before!.

After what seemed like a long time and hearing no sound or singing from his rear assistant, the front man went to the back and soon found, to his horror, that the elephant had sat on his head which was now nowhere to be seen!. His head was stuck in the female's private part! Both struggled to get the head released and the poor guy came out, all wet, coughing, and completely out of breath!.

Lesson learnt--never stand close to the rear of any large female animal!

2!.!.!.A couple in Taiwan, in the city of Xindian, got a shock of their lives when they made love in the backseat of their car, at the top of a cliff!. In their excitement the lovers, in their 20s, parked close to the edge and left the handbrake off!. Their rough actions caused the car to move and roll off 45m down the mountain!. They ended up in hospital with broken bones and bruises!. Fortunately no Private Part was reported broken!.

Lesson learnt--young people are prone to making such careless mistakes, and a car will always present more problems and dangers than a room, a barn or an open field!Www@Enter-QA@Com

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris!? All of it!.

A man was sitting on a park bench crying!.
A young man came up to him and said "What's the matter!? Why are you crying!?"
The old man looked up, tears streaming down his face, "Well, I'm married to the most beautiful blonde 19 year old!. Every day when I wake up, she's giving me a *******!. When she's finished with that, she goes downstairs and makes me a wonderful breakfast!. After I'm done with my breakfast, we make wonderful passionate love!. After that, she tells me to go golfing so she can clean my house!. When I get home from golfing, we make passionate love again!. Then she makes me lunch and I eat the lunch, finishing with a great nooner!. Then I go and watch TV while she cleans up and she gives me a ******* while I watch my favorite programs!. She cooks my dinner for me, and after she's done with the dishes, I'm laying down in bed and she comes to bed and screws my brains out!."
The confused young man looks at him and says, "Sounds like you have a pretty great life!. Why are you crying!?"
The old man, sobbing, says "I forgot where I live!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

tHERE WAS A BLONDE, BRUNETTE, AND A RED HEAD!. THEIR BUILDING WAS ON FIRE, SO THEY GOT UP ON THE ROOF!. THE FIREFIGHTERS CAME, AND TOLD THE RED HEADTO JUMP TO THE BLANKET THAT THEY WERE HOLDING OUT!. AS THE REDHEAD JUMPED, THEY PULLED AWAY THE BLANKET, AND SHE HIT THE CONCRETE!. THEY DID THE SAME TO TH BRUNETTE, AND SHE HIT THE CONCRETE!. SO WHEN IT WAS THE BLOND'ES TURN TO JUMP, SHE SAID, "I DON'TRUST YOU GUYS PUT THE BLANKET DOWN AND WALK AWAY!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

One man has three daughters!.!.
the first daughter asks her father, "Daddy, why did you name me Lilly!?"!.!. "Well, baby!.!. when you were a baby a beautiful lilly was blown into your carriage!.!."
The second daughter asks her father, "Daddy, why is my name Rose!?"!.!. "Because, honey!.!. when you were just born a lovely rose fell onto your head!."

The THIRD daughter turns to her father and says!.!. "IK BEN VERTRAAGT EEN!!!!!!!!!! !.!.!. "SHUTUP, CINDERBLOCK!!"

<a href=http://answers.yahoo.com/question/"http://photobucket!.com/image/retar!.!.!. target="_blank"><img src="http://i253!.photobucket!.com/albums/!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

2 muffins are in an oven

i says "its really hot in here!."

the other says "O MY GOD!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com



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