Read please, tell me what you think? (EASY 10 PTS!!)?!
Question: Read please, tell me what you think!? (EASY 10 PTS!!)!?
Critism is welcome!.!.!.!.Be honest!.
Title: Drop from Pop
Prolauge: Casidy Clarke, a girl who was somebody, instantly becomes a nobody before graduating to highschool!.
(Btw I never separated it into chapters)
"So if x equals eight, what does forty-eight minus z equal!?" Ugh! Mr!. Boster had a sleep-worthy class!. "Anyone!?"
I looked around me!.Everyone was ready for lunch, everyone besides Nora Nickel, the girl nerd!. I mean, the kid next to me, Nick, looked like he was drugged!. Well, he was, on boredom!. He was half asleep with drool hanging outta his mouth!. (Girls rule, boys drool, this is the one time that quote is actually right!. I just hope my boyfriend doesn't drool when we make out!.)
RINNNNGGGGG! There goes the bell!. "Class over kids!. Remember the question, its your homework tonight!." Mr!. Boster was defiantly a nerd when he was in school!.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked out of the classroom!. But as soon as I heard my name I turned around!.
More to comeWww@Enter-QA@Com
Title: Drop from Pop
Prolauge: Casidy Clarke, a girl who was somebody, instantly becomes a nobody before graduating to highschool!.
(Btw I never separated it into chapters)
"So if x equals eight, what does forty-eight minus z equal!?" Ugh! Mr!. Boster had a sleep-worthy class!. "Anyone!?"
I looked around me!.Everyone was ready for lunch, everyone besides Nora Nickel, the girl nerd!. I mean, the kid next to me, Nick, looked like he was drugged!. Well, he was, on boredom!. He was half asleep with drool hanging outta his mouth!. (Girls rule, boys drool, this is the one time that quote is actually right!. I just hope my boyfriend doesn't drool when we make out!.)
RINNNNGGGGG! There goes the bell!. "Class over kids!. Remember the question, its your homework tonight!." Mr!. Boster was defiantly a nerd when he was in school!.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked out of the classroom!. But as soon as I heard my name I turned around!.
More to comeWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
I think you've got great potential there for a really interesting story!
Your idea's are really good and i would definatly read this!.
Try to make it a bit more fluently written so that it flow a bit more for instance instead of "the kid next to me nick!.!.!."
you could say
" i absunt mindedly glanced over at Nick, the dude sat next to me and i mean he looked as though he's been drugged! well i suppose he feels like he has too, drugged on the bordem streaming out in heavy drones from Mr Bosters mouth!. Im definatly not saying what you've already written is'nt amazing but editing it would definatly make it more interesting and also longer with out making it bboring!. I absolutly love the title and could imagine it on a bookshelf in some where like waterstones or WHSmith!.
I think the girls rule boys drool bit is really cleverly thought out if not very cheesy! The bit about a "sleep worthy class" was really really good and i liked the comedy that you seemed to twist into it!.
Fab!
xxxWww@Enter-QA@Com
Your idea's are really good and i would definatly read this!.
Try to make it a bit more fluently written so that it flow a bit more for instance instead of "the kid next to me nick!.!.!."
you could say
" i absunt mindedly glanced over at Nick, the dude sat next to me and i mean he looked as though he's been drugged! well i suppose he feels like he has too, drugged on the bordem streaming out in heavy drones from Mr Bosters mouth!. Im definatly not saying what you've already written is'nt amazing but editing it would definatly make it more interesting and also longer with out making it bboring!. I absolutly love the title and could imagine it on a bookshelf in some where like waterstones or WHSmith!.
I think the girls rule boys drool bit is really cleverly thought out if not very cheesy! The bit about a "sleep worthy class" was really really good and i liked the comedy that you seemed to twist into it!.
Fab!
xxxWww@Enter-QA@Com
ITS OKWww@Enter-QA@Com
good so far, add more though!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
It was good!. When i was reading it, i felt sucked into to the story and that's really good!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
my goodness!.!.!.!.i got really into the story n fel so bad abt u!.!.!.well!.!.!.!.im still the most popular in my SCHOOL though, have a star CasidyWww@Enter-QA@Com