Got any good jokes???!
Question: Got any good jokes!?!?!?
does anyone have really funny jokes!? i need some funny ones!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party!. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard!.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi!. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house!.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house!. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird!.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat!. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit!. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night!. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother!.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab!. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away!. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed!. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck!. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me!. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car!.
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me!.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident!.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys!.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water!. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home!.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up!.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know!.!.!. :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet!?'
A nun and a biker were standing in an elevator!.
Being the nice person that she was she looked over at him, smiled and said:
"T!. G!. I!. F!."
The biker looked back at her and said:
"S!. H!. I!. T"
The nun was shocked!. She turned to the biker and said:
"There was no reason to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Friday"!.
The biker looked back at her and said:
"Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was, "Sorry
Honey It's Thursday"
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says
"Hey Koala ! what are you doing!?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some!."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a
few joints!.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get
a drink from the river!.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river!.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to
the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you!?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the
koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink!.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,
finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up
and says
"Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
*"F*uuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk dude!.!.!.!.!.!.!.how much water did you drink!?!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi!. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house!.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house!. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird!.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat!. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit!. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night!. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother!.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab!. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away!. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed!. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck!. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me!. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car!.
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me!.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident!.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys!.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water!. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home!.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up!.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know!.!.!. :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet!?'
A nun and a biker were standing in an elevator!.
Being the nice person that she was she looked over at him, smiled and said:
"T!. G!. I!. F!."
The biker looked back at her and said:
"S!. H!. I!. T"
The nun was shocked!. She turned to the biker and said:
"There was no reason to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Friday"!.
The biker looked back at her and said:
"Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was, "Sorry
Honey It's Thursday"
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says
"Hey Koala ! what are you doing!?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some!."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a
few joints!.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get
a drink from the river!.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river!.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to
the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you!?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the
koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink!.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,
finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up
and says
"Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
*"F*uuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk dude!.!.!.!.!.!.!.how much water did you drink!?!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
This bloke ran into a sperm bank with a shooter and a ski-mask on, and shouts to the bird"oi you, open the safe" She says "there is no money in it, this is a sperm bank" Just do as your told darling" he shouts!. So she opens up the safe and there are about 400 test tubes full of sperm in it!. He says"ok, take 3 out" She begins to refuse so he fires a round into the ceiling, "take 3 out, now" So she does that and he says"right, swallow the contents of the first tube" No way you discusting" she starts to say"DO IT NOW" he shouts!. So she does that and then he says"right ok darling,now the second tube" But,but" No buts sweetheart just do it!. She swallows all of the second tube!. Right, now the last one he says"you should be ashamed of yourself" she starts to say"come on darling,all of it" She downs it all in one,wiping a bit from her chin!. The bloke steps back and pulls off his ski-mask, and to her amazement its her husband, and he says"see!? it aint that ******* difficult is it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
how about this:
_________________
Did you hear that,
Bill Gates & MicroShaft in conjunction with Dell & HP are starting a new recycling initiative:
1> they are asking all the PC shops & recycle depots for all the P3 & P4 laptops that come in for disposal
2> and they are asking anyone & everyone else that has a P3 or P4 Laptop to "Trade Up" to a new Vi$ta capable dual or quad core AMD or Intel PC
3 > They are taking all these old P3 & P4 laptops and;
a) refurbishing them with a brand new HD
b) installing the full MSO set
c) installing wireless networking card (for internet cafe etc!.)
d) installing an air-card (for true wireless internet, anywhere there's cell service)
e) they're giving them away to the street people and to the shelters
f) and installed is a brand new activated copy of windows XP Homeless edition!!
hahahaha
cheers
( ??RfD?? )Www@Enter-QA@Com
_________________
Did you hear that,
Bill Gates & MicroShaft in conjunction with Dell & HP are starting a new recycling initiative:
1> they are asking all the PC shops & recycle depots for all the P3 & P4 laptops that come in for disposal
2> and they are asking anyone & everyone else that has a P3 or P4 Laptop to "Trade Up" to a new Vi$ta capable dual or quad core AMD or Intel PC
3 > They are taking all these old P3 & P4 laptops and;
a) refurbishing them with a brand new HD
b) installing the full MSO set
c) installing wireless networking card (for internet cafe etc!.)
d) installing an air-card (for true wireless internet, anywhere there's cell service)
e) they're giving them away to the street people and to the shelters
f) and installed is a brand new activated copy of windows XP Homeless edition!!
hahahaha
cheers
( ??RfD?? )Www@Enter-QA@Com
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up!. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum!.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT!?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips!."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better!?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT!?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips!."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better!?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Tight Skirt, Bus Stop
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt!. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step!.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little!. She still could not reach the step!. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more!. Still, she couldn't reach the step!.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way!. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step!.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus!. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt!. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step!.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little!. She still could not reach the step!. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more!. Still, she couldn't reach the step!.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way!. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step!.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus!. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A mother called her son one Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for Church!.
He replied "I'm not goin" His mother said "Yes you are goin, so get out of that bed!."
He replied "Give me ONE good reason why I should go!."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons!.!.!.!.
1!. I'm your mother, and I say your goin!.
2!. Your 40 years old, so old enough to know better!.
3!. Your the Pastor, so you need to be there!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
He replied "I'm not goin" His mother said "Yes you are goin, so get out of that bed!."
He replied "Give me ONE good reason why I should go!."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons!.!.!.!.
1!. I'm your mother, and I say your goin!.
2!. Your 40 years old, so old enough to know better!.
3!. Your the Pastor, so you need to be there!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why did Tigger look down the toilet!?
To find Pooh!
xD
!. !. !.
One day, three blondes were walking along the forest when they came across a set of tracks!.
The first blonde said, "These are deer tracks!."
The second said, "No, these are elk tracks!."
The third exclaimed, "You're both wrong! These are moose tracks!"
They were still arguing when the train hit them!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
To find Pooh!
xD
!. !. !.
One day, three blondes were walking along the forest when they came across a set of tracks!.
The first blonde said, "These are deer tracks!."
The second said, "No, these are elk tracks!."
The third exclaimed, "You're both wrong! These are moose tracks!"
They were still arguing when the train hit them!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Yeah, but there us somthing you should try!. Go to my page and look at my questions!. there is one that said "what are some good jokes and riddles!?" Press it and there are some REALLY good things!. Before you pick who is the best answer please check it out because you will be emmperesed!
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Twiggy >>( V )>>Www@Enter-QA@Com
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Twiggy >>( V )>>Www@Enter-QA@Com
why did the chicken cross the road!?
to get to the other side !!Www@Enter-QA@Com
to get to the other side !!Www@Enter-QA@Com
maniacfa or wateva his name is such an idoit!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
whats funnier than a dead baby !?
the same baby in a clown suit !.
how can you tell when your sisters on her time of the month !? dads cock tastes funny !.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the same baby in a clown suit !.
how can you tell when your sisters on her time of the month !? dads cock tastes funny !.Www@Enter-QA@Com