Tell me a joke! funniest get 10 pts! common?!


Question: Tell me a joke! funniest get 10 pts! common!?
really make me laugh!
in hysteriaWww@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
ok ill try!.!.!.
this blonde girl text me saying" wat does idk mean"
i text her back saying "i dont know"
she text me back saying "everyone tells me the same thing, oh well i'll ask someone else"
i know it's not that funny!.!.
the one about the mary is really funny ROTFLWww@Enter-QA@Com

This man gets to the pearly gates and st peter says ok today is your lucky day you get 2 spend 1 day in heaven and one day in hell!. Then come bak and tell me which you prefer!. St Pter said where do you want 2 go fist the man said hell, he went 2 the elevator and went down once their the party was on!. Good music, BBQ, food drink pretty women people playing golf pool cards he had an awesome time wasnt ready when st Pter called him bak up!. Once in heaven people were happy singing all day laying around on clouds!. Day Three St peter said you have had a day in each place where do u choose 2 spend eternity !? The man explained 2 st peter the difference in the two and that he was choosing hell!. So again 2 the elevator and down he went once in hell the doors open up and it was a vast wasteland people in tattered clothes fires all around people screaming, running being beaten the devil walked up and the man said I don't understand this I was here yesterday and the party was on good music, BBQ, food, drink, pretty women and people were playing golf, pool, cards he said I had an awesome time!. The devil said oh that was yesterday we were recruting :)Www@Enter-QA@Com

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway!. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead!." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge!. Cars are backed up for miles!. Finally, a police car comes up!. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh!?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!."

ok!.!.!. it's not the best, but i laughed!.!.!.
Here's a few more:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'!?

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee!.
Dr!. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show!. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance!. The following is an open letter to Dr!. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet!. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr!. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law!. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can!. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination!. End of debate!. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

1!. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev!.1:9!. The problem is my neighbors!. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them!. Should I smite them!?

2!. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7!. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her!?

3!. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev!.15:19- 24!. The problem is, how do I tell!? I have tried asking, but most women take offense!.

4!. Lev!. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations!. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians!. Can you clarify!? Why can't I own Canadians!?

5!. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath!.!. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death!. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself!?

6!. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev!. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality!. I don't agree!. Can you settle this!?

7!. Lev!. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight!. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses!. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here!?

8!. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev!. 19:27!. How should they die!?

9!. I know from Lev!. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves!?

10!. My uncle has a farm!. He violates Lev!. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend)!. He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot!. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them!? - Lev!.24:10-16!. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws!? (Lev!. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help!. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging!.

Your devoted fan, Jim

~Peace & Love~Www@Enter-QA@Com

One day a man walked into a fancy restaurant and sat down!. While he was deciding what to order, he noticed all of the waiters had spoons in their pockets!. He flagged one down and asked why!.
"Oh, sir, you are very observant!." said the waiter!. "We have spoons in our pockets because we estimate that at least three spoons drop in our restaurant in one day, and by carrying these spoons we can save at least 10 hours a year to spend on other things by not making extra trips to the kitchen!."
The man thought that was very clever and went back to looking at the menu!. A while later he saw a string leading out of all of the male waiters' zippers!. He flagged down the same waiter and asked why!.
"Oh, sir, you are very observant!." said the waiter!. "We tie these strings to our!.!.!.you know!.!.!.and we don't have to touch it when we pee!. Therefore we don't have to wash our hands after we are done, saving 30 gallons of water a year, and saving 2 hours to spend on other things by not washing our hands!."
The man thought this was clever, but saw one flaw in the plan!.
"How do you get it back in your pants!?" he asked!.
"Oh," the waiter whispered!. "I don't know about the others but I use the spoon!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

Three old men are sitting on a park bench talking!.They get to talking about what a drag it is to get old!.One man says!.!.i hate the fact that every morning when i get up i need to pee but no matter how hard i try it barely dribbles!.The next guy says!.!.!.every morning when i get up i feel like i need to take a big dump but i sit there for an hour and nothing!.The third guys says!.!.!.you think thats bad!? Every morning at 6am i take a huge dump and pee about a gallon! The other two say whats wrong with that!? He tells them the problem is i don't wake up til 730Www@Enter-QA@Com

Sex Joke

Okay so a guy is
nearing the
end of his
senior
year in high school!.


Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his
younger
brother who is only 9
years
old!.

One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun!.

They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk!.

As you
might expect things start to heat up!.


The guy remembers that his little brother
is
sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants
it
harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position!.
Lettuce!!!
!.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. Tomato!!!

!.!.!. !.!.!. Lettuce!.!.!. !!!

!.!.!. !.!.!. Tomato!!!

!.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. Lettuce!!!

!.!.!. !.!.!. Tomato!!!
!.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. She screams!.

!.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. Lettuce!!!
!.!.!. !.!.!. !.!.!. Tomato!!!!.!.!. Whoa!!!

!.!.!. PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
wouldWww@Enter-QA@Com

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge!. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge!." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge!." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge!." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die!. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna!." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham!." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it!. He made his own sandwiches!."

Or

There was a group of people going on a mystery tour and they all had a bet to guess where they were going and the bus driver won!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

ok, so a kid got a new bike for christmas and he decided to take it out for a ride!. he gets stopped by a police officer riding a horse because the kid didnt have a license plate on the bike!. the cop told him to ask santa for a license plate next year and the kid told the cop that he should ask santa to next time put the dick under the horse and not on top of itWww@Enter-QA@Com

A man and a woman meet at a bar!. They get along so well that they decide to go to the woman's place!.
A few drinks later, the man takes off his shirt and then washes his hands!.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again!.
The woman has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist!."
The man, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out!?"
"Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands!."
One thing leads to another and they make love!.
After they are done, the woman says, "You must be a good dentist!."
The man, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist!. How did you figure that out!?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

This is a bathroom joke, watch this clip with Comedian Russell Peters!.!.!.!.

http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=K4K55pgXZ!.!.!.

If you don't want to watch it, here's the bathroom joke: take a chocolate bar, mush it up in your hand, and stick your hand under the next stall and say, "hey could you pass some toilet paper over here" LOLWww@Enter-QA@Com

ok this guy walks into a bar and orders six vodkas and when the bartender brought them over he said man u must of had a bad day the guy says ya i just found out my older bro is gay
the next day the same guy walks in and orders the same thing the bartender said what happened today!. the guy said i just found out my younger bro is gay
the third day the same guy orders the same thing and the bartender says man doesn't anyone in ur family like women and the man replies ya my wife
LOL i really like this one
or
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school!. Usually she slept through the class!.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "tell me, Mary, who created the universe!?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear!. "God almighty!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good" and Mary fell back asleep!.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "who is our lord and savior," but, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber!. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again!. "Jesus Christ!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good," and Mary fell back asleep!.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question!. "What did eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child!?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin!. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The teacher fainted!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Okay, I'm quoting Steven Wright but I'm going to tell you guys a simple minded one:

" I spilled Spot Remover on my dog and now he's gone!."

" Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID, he pulled out a quarter!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench!?
- A bench can support a family!.

(Sorry, I know!.!.!. that one was cold)!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Teacher: Ssimon can you tell your name Backwards
Ssimon: No miss (Nomiss=Ssimon)Www@Enter-QA@Com

what did Cinderella do when she got to the ball!?














choked!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com



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