Someone make me laugh!?!
Question: Someone make me laugh!!?
I love random jokes about vivid meaness in a story about how gross people are!.!.!.or stories about people falling or getting embarrassed or smelling!. Do whatever you can to make me laugh to the point I can't breathe!. :) Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask!. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family!. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going!. So he took his costume and away he went!.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party!. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him!.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there!. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her!. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband!.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat!. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour!.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had!. "Oh, the same old thing!. You know I never have a good time when you're not there!." Then she asked, "Did you dance much!?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance!. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening!."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm!.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party!. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him!.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there!. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her!. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband!.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat!. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour!.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had!. "Oh, the same old thing!. You know I never have a good time when you're not there!." Then she asked, "Did you dance much!?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance!. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening!."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm!.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
First grade !. !. !. true story!.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Licken to her class!. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Licken tried to warn the farmer!. She read, " !. !. !. and so Chicken Licken went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, and then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said!?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy sh*t! A talking chicken!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Licken to her class!. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Licken tried to warn the farmer!. She read, " !. !. !. and so Chicken Licken went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, and then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said!?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy sh*t! A talking chicken!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
3 sisters get married on the same day!. They go home to their parent's house for a night's rest before their honeymoon!. During the night, the mom woke up to get a drink of water!. She walked past the eldest sister's room and heard crying!. She then walked past the second eldest sister's room and heard laughing!. She walked past the youngest sister's room and heard nothing at all!. The next morning, she asked the eldest sister: "Why was their crying coming from your room!?", to which she replied: "When something hurts, you cry"!. The mom then asked the second eldest sister: "Why was their laughing coming from your room last night!?", to which she replied: "When something tickles, you laugh"!. She then asked the youngest sister: "Why were you so silent last night!?", to which she replied: "You taught me never to speak with my mouthful"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
To Be Six Again
George was a thoughtful husband!. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon!. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror!. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday!?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again!."
George knew just what to do!. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops!. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides!. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling!. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake!. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy!.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again!?"
Reta looked up at him!. Her expression changed!. She said, "I meant my dress size!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
George was a thoughtful husband!. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon!. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror!. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday!?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again!."
George knew just what to do!. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops!. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides!. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling!. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake!. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy!.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again!?"
Reta looked up at him!. Her expression changed!. She said, "I meant my dress size!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work!. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway!.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied!. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window!. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them!. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could!. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer!.
"Do you always run in the nude!?" one asked!.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air!. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side!. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm!?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly!. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run!?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied!. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window!. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them!. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could!. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer!.
"Do you always run in the nude!?" one asked!.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air!. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side!. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm!?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly!. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run!?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
ok there is a white guy an asian guy and a black guy!.!.!.they all work at a construction site!. one day the white guy says if i get PB&J again ill jump of off the bridge!.!.!.the asain guy says if i get rice for lunch again hell jump off the bridge too!.!.!.then the black guy says if he gets fried chicken for lunch again hell jump off the bridge too!.!.!.so the next day the white guy gets PB&J so he jumps off the bridge!.!.!.the asian guy gets rice again so he jumps too!.!.!.the black guy gets fried chicken again so he jumps off as well!.!.!.at the funeral the white guys wife is crying and she says that shes sorry she shouldve packed him something different!.!.!.the asain guys wife says yea, if i wouldve known i wouldve packed something different!.!.!.the black guys wife isnt crying, and she says i dont know whats wrong with bubba (the black guy) he packed his own damn lunch!. LMAO dumb darkiesWww@Enter-QA@Com
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health!." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money!. It was my grandfather!. (Jackie Mason)
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years!. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words!. "Cold floors," he says!. They nod and send him away!. Seven more years pass!. They bring him back in and ask for his two words!. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food!." They nod and send him away!. Seven more years pass!. They bring him in for his two words!. "I quit," he says!. "That’s not surprising," the elders say!. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here!."
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Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money!. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash!. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill!. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says!.
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A guy enters bar carrying an alligator!. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal!. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside!. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed!. If it works, everyone buys me drinks!." The crowd agrees!. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth!. Gator closes mouth!. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head!. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed!. Everyone buys him drinks!. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try!." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar!. It's a blonde!. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!."
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A guy dies and is sent to Hell!. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in!. In the first room, people are standing in **** up to their necks!. The guy says "no, let me see the next room!." In the second room, people are standing with **** up to their noses!. Guy says no again!. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room!. People are standing with **** up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries!. The guy says, "I pick this room!." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee!. On the way out Satan yells, "O!.K!., coffee break's over!. Everyone back on your heads!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years!. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words!. "Cold floors," he says!. They nod and send him away!. Seven more years pass!. They bring him back in and ask for his two words!. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food!." They nod and send him away!. Seven more years pass!. They bring him in for his two words!. "I quit," he says!. "That’s not surprising," the elders say!. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here!."
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Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money!. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash!. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill!. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says!.
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A guy enters bar carrying an alligator!. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal!. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside!. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed!. If it works, everyone buys me drinks!." The crowd agrees!. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth!. Gator closes mouth!. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head!. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed!. Everyone buys him drinks!. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try!." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar!. It's a blonde!. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!."
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A guy dies and is sent to Hell!. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in!. In the first room, people are standing in **** up to their necks!. The guy says "no, let me see the next room!." In the second room, people are standing with **** up to their noses!. Guy says no again!. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room!. People are standing with **** up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries!. The guy says, "I pick this room!." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee!. On the way out Satan yells, "O!.K!., coffee break's over!. Everyone back on your heads!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something!. I call mine "Sex"!. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me!. I spent hours looking for him!. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning!. I said, "I was looking for Sex!."
My court case comes up next Thursday!.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex!. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex!. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. I've had Sex since I was two years old!."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy!."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding!. He told me to wait until after the wedding!. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex!."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church!. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there!. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace!. My family is barred from the church!.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon!. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex!. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too!."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV!. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets!.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog!. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too!."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too!."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for!. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble!?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life!. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely!."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend!. Why not get yourself a dog!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
My court case comes up next Thursday!.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex!. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex!. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. I've had Sex since I was two years old!."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy!."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding!. He told me to wait until after the wedding!. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex!."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church!. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there!. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace!. My family is barred from the church!.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon!. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex!. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too!."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV!. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets!.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog!. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too!."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too!."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for!. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble!?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life!. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely!."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend!. Why not get yourself a dog!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
hiya!
this one isnt a joke!.!.!.its more like a quote!.!.!.but it still made me laugh wen i first heard it!.!.!.
"whose bright idea was it to look at a cow and say!.!.!.im gunna squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out"!!!!
lmao!!!!
still makes me laff!
=DDD
Www@Enter-QA@Com
this one isnt a joke!.!.!.its more like a quote!.!.!.but it still made me laugh wen i first heard it!.!.!.
"whose bright idea was it to look at a cow and say!.!.!.im gunna squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out"!!!!
lmao!!!!
still makes me laff!
=DDD
Www@Enter-QA@Com
ONE DAY A POLICE OFFICER PULLED OVER A PROSTITUTE!. HE SAID YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR SELLING SEX!. SHE TOLD HIM SHE WASN'T SELLING SEX!. SHE WAS SELLING CONDOMS AND THE PUSSY WAS FREE!(~cheeeeeezy! i know!~)Www@Enter-QA@Com
i saw one question and it makes me laugh;
thepenisinthegirlsmouth!?!
it's sick but when u split it up its actually;
the pen is in the girls mouth!. lol!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
thepenisinthegirlsmouth!?!
it's sick but when u split it up its actually;
the pen is in the girls mouth!. lol!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I went out with this girl who never talked then finaly she said like 2 words and was all like wow i need to stop talking i could just go on and on
iIwas like ya your a regualr Hellen Keller!Www@Enter-QA@Com
iIwas like ya your a regualr Hellen Keller!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why couldn't the penguin fit down the hallway!?
Because he was driving a tractor!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Because he was driving a tractor!.
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COOKIES!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
peekabooWww@Enter-QA@Com
ehhhhh behhhhhhhhhhh ehhhhhhh ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh behhhhhhhhhh
what's up duck
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhe ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeee Www@Enter-QA@Com
what's up duck
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhe ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeee Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=ZhSkRHXTK!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
whats brown and looks through your window!?!?!?!?!?Www@Enter-QA@Com