What's the funniest joke/saying you've ever heard?!
Question: What's the funniest joke/saying you've ever heard!?
Answers:
Unhappy Dwarf
I rear-ended a car this morning!.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car!.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny!?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it!.!.!.!. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you!?”Www@Enter-QA@Com
I rear-ended a car this morning!.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car!.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny!?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it!.!.!.!. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you!?”Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three guys on a camping holiday in Cornwall decide to try and find a shortcut across fields to their tent after several hours in a local pub!. They come across an old disused tin mineshaft and feel the need to see how deep it is!. So they throw down a stone and listen for it hitting the bottom but hear nothing!. So they get bigger and bigger stones but each time they hear nothing!. "This must be really, really deep" says one, "Let's try throwing that big railway sleeper down, we're bound to hear that hit the bottom!. So they manhandle and drag the railway sleeper to the edge of the hole and eventually tip it down the shaft and listen expectantly!. Strangely the only noise they can hear is the sound of a chain snaking it's way through the grass and a startled baaaaaaah!.!.!.!.as the goat that the farmer had tethered to the sleeper to stop it wandering down a mine shaft, flew past them with a tuft of grass in it's face before disappearing down the shaft!
I heard this story many years ago and was told it was true!. You decide!Www@Enter-QA@Com
I heard this story many years ago and was told it was true!. You decide!Www@Enter-QA@Com
this one is presently my fav joke:
A little boy was doing his maths homework!.
He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitc!.!.!. is seven!.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc!.!.!. is nine!.!.!."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing!?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom!."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it!?" the mother asked!.
"Yes," he answered!.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in maths!?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition!."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the sonof a bitc!.!.!. is four!?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little boy was doing his maths homework!.
He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitc!.!.!. is seven!.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc!.!.!. is nine!.!.!."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing!?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom!."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it!?" the mother asked!.
"Yes," he answered!.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in maths!?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition!."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the sonof a bitc!.!.!. is four!?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
there was a ship that was being attacked!. the captain asked one of his crew to get him his red shirt!. after they won the battle his crew asked, "Captain why did you have me get you your red shirt!?" the captain said "So that if i am shot and am bleeding my crew wouldn't notice and continue fighting" "that's very bold captain" all of a sudden a hundred pirate ships came into sight!. The pirate said "get me my brown pants" HAHAHAHAHA!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
* she called me to get my phone number!.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate!."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind!.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!.
*she tried to drown a fish!.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund!.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!.
*she tripped over a cordless phone!.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store!.
*she studied for a blood test!.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats!.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved!.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead!.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Www@Enter-QA@Com
* she called me to get my phone number!.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate!."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind!.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!.
*she tried to drown a fish!.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund!.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!.
*she tripped over a cordless phone!.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store!.
*she studied for a blood test!.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats!.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved!.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead!.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Photographer
The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "proxy fathers!." Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father -- a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife!.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive!. Leaving for work, Mr!. Smith says, "I'm off!. The government man should be here soon!." Moments later, a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell !.!.!.
Ms!. Smith: Good morning!.
Salesman: Good morning, madam!. You don't know me but I've come to !.!.!.
Ms!. Smith: No need to explain!. I've been expecting you!.
Salesman: Really!? Well, good!. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins!.
Ms!. Smith: That's what my husband and I had hoped!. Please come in and have a seat!.
Salesman: (Sitting) Then you don't need to be sold on the idea!?
Ms!. Smith: Don't concern yourself!. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do!.
Salesman: Well, perhaps we should get down to it!.
Ms!. Smith: (Blushing)!. Just where do we start!?
Salesman: Leave everything to me!. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed!. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out!.
Ms!. Smith: Bathtub, living room floor!? No wonder it hasn't worked for Harry and me!.
Salesman: Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results!. In fact, my business card says, "I aim to please!."
Ms!. Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal!?
Salesman: Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time!. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that!.
Ms!. Smith: Don't I know! Have you had much success at this!?
Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures): Just look at this picture!. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London!.
Ms!. Smith: Oh my!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town!. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with!.
Ms!. Smith: She was!?
Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so!. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right!. I've never worked under such impossible conditions!. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look!.
Ms!. Smith: Four and five deep!?
Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours, too!. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd!. I could not concentrate!. I am afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her!. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots!. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in!.
Ms!. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your, eh !.!.!., equipment!?
Salesman: That's right, but it's all in a day's work!. I consider my work a pleasure!. I've spent years perfecting my patented technique!. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store!.
Ms!. Smith: I just can't believe it!.
Salesman: Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work!.
Ms!. Smith: TRIPOD !? ! !?
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on!. It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I am shooting!. Ms!. Smith!? Ms!. Smith!? !.!.!. My Lord, she fainted!
Sorry it's a bit long!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman says to her husband says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts!. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that!. I know how to do it without surgery!."
" So how do I do it without surgery!?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them!."
Startled shy asks, "How does that make them bigger!?"
"I don't know, but it sure worked for your a!.rse!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
" So how do I do it without surgery!?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them!."
Startled shy asks, "How does that make them bigger!?"
"I don't know, but it sure worked for your a!.rse!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
8 Blondes and 1 brunnete holding onto a handle on the hot aire balloon in the air, the brunette says someone has to let go or we will Crash, they all refuse!. Then the brunette steps forward and says 'I'll let go'
The Blondes Clap!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Blondes Clap!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
how do you drown a blond
glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool
lmao personally i dont like it b/c im a blond but i think its funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool
lmao personally i dont like it b/c im a blond but i think its funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
If you are looking for sympathy - you can find it in the dictionary between "****" & "syphillis"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
haha well when im getting out of the car my brother always ses
dirt befour the brush
and i always say '' beauty befour the beast!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
dirt befour the brush
and i always say '' beauty befour the beast!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats Black and screams like fook !?
Stevey wonder answering the Iron (Hello !? Arrrrrrrrghghghhghg)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Stevey wonder answering the Iron (Hello !? Arrrrrrrrghghghhghg)Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you get when a fox mates with a duck!?
A bunch of little yellow fuzzy little fux!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A bunch of little yellow fuzzy little fux!Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver!.
and!.!.!.
"Pudding"
its funny when my bf says it lol!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
and!.!.!.
"Pudding"
its funny when my bf says it lol!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Statistically!.!.!.!.!.!.!.9 out of 10 people enjoy Gang Rape!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
did you hear the joke about the bin!?
it was rubbishWww@Enter-QA@Com
it was rubbishWww@Enter-QA@Com
92% of all statistics are made up on the spot!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you call a 3 legged Donkey!?
A Wonkey
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Wonkey
Www@Enter-QA@Com
someof thwese are funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
A man walked into a bar!.
Ouch! it was an iron bar!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ouch! it was an iron bar!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats a jews biggest dilemma!. Free pork!Www@Enter-QA@Com
my bro looked in the mirror it didn't crack it ran away :bWww@Enter-QA@Com
"You know, that much lip gloss could be lethal!. you could be snogged to death"
-------------- My Friendie!.
"The boosh is loose like a moose set loose on boost jooce, so be prepared for booshosity"
-------------- My friendie, forgetting the mighty boosh song "Tundra" lyrics!.
" 'Please leave me alone, Libbs, i've got a headache!' 'Oh, ok *Creeps out of room* MUM! FOR CHRISTS SAKE GINGEY HAD A HEADACHE! SHUT UP!' "
-------------- "!.!.!.Startled by his furry shorts!" a book by louise rennison!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
-------------- My Friendie!.
"The boosh is loose like a moose set loose on boost jooce, so be prepared for booshosity"
-------------- My friendie, forgetting the mighty boosh song "Tundra" lyrics!.
" 'Please leave me alone, Libbs, i've got a headache!' 'Oh, ok *Creeps out of room* MUM! FOR CHRISTS SAKE GINGEY HAD A HEADACHE! SHUT UP!' "
-------------- "!.!.!.Startled by his furry shorts!" a book by louise rennison!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
every war is a civil war, because we're all God's children
it was funny because my friend said it out of the middle of nowhere when everyone was silent in the carWww@Enter-QA@Com
it was funny because my friend said it out of the middle of nowhere when everyone was silent in the carWww@Enter-QA@Com
y did the chicken cross the road!?!?!?!?!? 2 get 2 the other side hahahahahWww@Enter-QA@Com
why did the chicken cross the road!?
- to get to the other side
OMG its a classic hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
- to get to the other side
OMG its a classic hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
Fanf*ckingdabbiedosie!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Lets hit the road like a banana slug!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i like pudding!Www@Enter-QA@Com