Can someone give me some really funny jokes?!
Question: Can someone give me some really funny jokes!?
please!.my friends need a laugh!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Little girl finds her dog dead with its legs in the air and asks her dad why its like that!. Her Dad says its died and its like that so jesus can pick it up and take it to heaven!. Next day when her dad comes home from work the little girl runs up to him saying ''Dad - Mum nearly died today! She was on her back with her legs in the air shouting 'Oh Jesus im coming' if the milkman hadnt been holding her down we'd have lost her''!
a cop tells a hooker she cant sell sex!. She says 'im not, im selling condoms with free pussy samples'!
8 Ways vodka is better for you than a penis :1!.vodka is always stiff!. 2!.it dont look smaller when its cold!. 3!.it lasts as long as you want!. 4!.it dont poke you in the back in the morning demanding attention!. 5!.you dont care how far down your throat it goes!. 6!.you can have as many as you want without being easy!. 7!.you can enjoy it infront of your mum!. 8!.vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
What do MEN and clouds have in common!? Eventually they f**k off and its a nice day!
A dog truly is mans best friend, to prove this simply lock both the dog and your wife in the boot of the car, come back an hour later and see which one is still pleased to see you!
A new vibrator for women has just been invented, its so realistic that just before she reaches climax it coughs, farts, goes limp, then switches off!
Have you heard about the dyslexic satanist!?
He sold his soul to Santa
Cop on a horse says to a little girl on a bike 'did santa get you that!?' yes replies the little girl 'Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year' he said and fined her $5!. The little girl looked up at the cop and said 'nice horse you got there, did santa bring you it!?' The cop laughs and replies 'he sure did' 'Well' said the little girl, 'next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!.
what have men and laminate flooring got in common!?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life
hope ive made you laughWww@Enter-QA@Com
a cop tells a hooker she cant sell sex!. She says 'im not, im selling condoms with free pussy samples'!
8 Ways vodka is better for you than a penis :1!.vodka is always stiff!. 2!.it dont look smaller when its cold!. 3!.it lasts as long as you want!. 4!.it dont poke you in the back in the morning demanding attention!. 5!.you dont care how far down your throat it goes!. 6!.you can have as many as you want without being easy!. 7!.you can enjoy it infront of your mum!. 8!.vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
What do MEN and clouds have in common!? Eventually they f**k off and its a nice day!
A dog truly is mans best friend, to prove this simply lock both the dog and your wife in the boot of the car, come back an hour later and see which one is still pleased to see you!
A new vibrator for women has just been invented, its so realistic that just before she reaches climax it coughs, farts, goes limp, then switches off!
Have you heard about the dyslexic satanist!?
He sold his soul to Santa
Cop on a horse says to a little girl on a bike 'did santa get you that!?' yes replies the little girl 'Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year' he said and fined her $5!. The little girl looked up at the cop and said 'nice horse you got there, did santa bring you it!?' The cop laughs and replies 'he sure did' 'Well' said the little girl, 'next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!.
what have men and laminate flooring got in common!?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life
hope ive made you laughWww@Enter-QA@Com
Stern Sibling
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby!. It was so far out that there was no electricity!. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child!. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby!. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath!.
"Hit him again," the child said!. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby!. It was so far out that there was no electricity!. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child!. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby!. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath!.
"Hit him again," the child said!. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
here is 2 they r so funny but sort of long but it is soooo worth it
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Knob
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift!. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob!.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant!.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems!. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine!. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results!. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them!.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts!.'
She said, 'Well then, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee'
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift!. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob!.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant!.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems!. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine!. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results!. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them!.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts!.'
She said, 'Well then, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee'
Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was this girl with no arms and no legs!. She was on the beach, but she was crying!. A man comes up to her and says "why are you crying!?" She says, "I've never been hugged before" So he hugs her, and she stops crying!.
The next day, she was on the beach again, and crying!. A different man comes up to her and says "why are you crying!?" She says "I've never been kissed before!. So he kisses her, and she stops crying!.
The next day, she was on the beach AGAIN and she was crying!. ANOTHER man comes up to her, and says "why are you crying!?" She says "I've never been screwed before" So he picks her up, throws her in the ocean and says "you're screwed now"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The next day, she was on the beach again, and crying!. A different man comes up to her and says "why are you crying!?" She says "I've never been kissed before!. So he kisses her, and she stops crying!.
The next day, she was on the beach AGAIN and she was crying!. ANOTHER man comes up to her, and says "why are you crying!?" She says "I've never been screwed before" So he picks her up, throws her in the ocean and says "you're screwed now"Www@Enter-QA@Com
go search for Jack Bauer Jokes on yahoo!. for instance: "If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, with a gun and only two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
math joke:
2 functions meet at a bridge and one function tells the other fuction to give me your change!. the other function said go ahead and take it!. cause I am a function of e!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 functions meet at a bridge and one function tells the other fuction to give me your change!. the other function said go ahead and take it!. cause I am a function of e!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
I like this one because its short and to the point enjoy:
2 peanuts were walking in a park and one was a salted (assaulted) :)))) Hope this gives them a laugh Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 peanuts were walking in a park and one was a salted (assaulted) :)))) Hope this gives them a laugh Www@Enter-QA@Com
Yo momma is so old she has an autographed bible!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
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No sorry xxx lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
just tell them to look at your face!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock
whos there
huch
huch who
bless you
knock knock
whos there
spell
spell who
W!.!.H!.!.OWww@Enter-QA@Com
whos there
huch
huch who
bless you
knock knock
whos there
spell
spell who
W!.!.H!.!.OWww@Enter-QA@Com
i don't know if you approve of the dead baby jokes but i've got some good ones!. lol!.
Q: what is worse than ten dead babies stapled to a tree!?
A: one dead babies stapled to ten trees!.
(sorry if anyone is DEEPLY offended!. booo!.)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q: what is worse than ten dead babies stapled to a tree!?
A: one dead babies stapled to ten trees!.
(sorry if anyone is DEEPLY offended!. booo!.)Www@Enter-QA@Com