It's a Joke Competition!?!


Question: It's a Joke Competition!!?
Post your best joke! I'll leave this here for 15 minutes, then I'll come back! First prize is TEN POINTS!
No blonde jokes though, they bore me to tears!. And no racist jokes, or face the humiliation of a bad rating!!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
There was a father and son who were always in competition with each other!. One day the son left to take an entrance exam at a university!. He wanted to major in medicine!. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps!.

"How was the exam!?" asked his father!.

"They asked quite a lot of 'Fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and stuff!. I got a score of 75%!. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," the boy replied!.

"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the father said!. So off to the university he went!. A week later the father returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps!.

"How was the exam!?" asked his son!.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one!."

"Gee, Dad!. Which question was that!?"

"The question was!.!.!.", started the father, "What do you do when you come across a lady which has fainted!. You feel her PU_S_ !?"

"That's easy", the son replied!. "The answer is pulse!."

"Oh, hell," said the father," I got that one wrong as well!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks!. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program!. "Guaranteed my ***", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program!.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck!. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company!.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her!. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her!.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!."

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens!. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised!.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program!. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!."

He's after her in a shot!. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze!. She is by far the best he's ever had!. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
1 month ago

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program!. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program!.!.!." "Absolutely," he replies!. "I haven't felt this great in years!"

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!" !.!.



Have a nice day!Www@Enter-QA@Com

okay, i know it's already finished but too bad :)!.

A nun decides that she is going to have a bath, so she goes into her room, gets undressed, runs the water and gets in!. After a while, she hears a knock on the door!.
'who is it!?' she asks, slightly annoyed!.
'it's the blind man, can I come in!?'
the nun thinks about, and decides that it should be fine!. She gets up, goes to the door and lets the blind man in!.
'Okay,' he says, 'where do you want these blinds!?'Www@Enter-QA@Com

Sexual Disfunction

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual
problem!. I can't get it up for my wife anymore!."

The Doctor looked at the man, and replied, "Mr!. Thomas,
bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what
I can do!."

The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife!.
"Take off your clothes, Mrs!. Thomas," the Doctor requested!.
"Now turn all the way around!.!.!.Lie down please!.!.!.Uh-
huh, I see!. OK, you may put your clothes back on!."

The doctor took the husband aside!. "You're in perfect
health," he said!. "Your wife didn't give me an erection
either!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com

A nun and a preist are travelling through the desert on a donkey, just about dead!. All of a sudden the donkey drops dead and there is no hope for them to get out of the desert!.
Nun:"What are we going to do!? We have no food no water and we're in the middle of a desert!."
Preist:" There's nothing we can do, we are going to pass on and there is nothing we can do about it!."
Nun:" I guess you're right" the nun replies through tears!. The preist sees her crying and says:"Is there anything you would like to do that you had never even dreamed about doing before we die!?"
Nun:"What do you mean!?"
Preist:"Well I've always wanted to see a nun naked!.!.!."
Nun:" Yeah why not we're going to die anyway!"so the nun removes her clothes
preist:" now is there anything you would like to do!?"
Nun:"well I guess I've wanted to see a preist naked!.so the preist removes his clothes
the nun looks at him questioningly and says"what is that!?"
Preist:"Why that is my penis, when I stick it into things it creates life!"
Nun:" Then why don't you stick it in that camel and we can get the hell out of here!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com


A young man started his first job on a building site, and half way through the morning he asked the guy he was working with where the toilet was, and was told, at the bottom of the garden of the house where they were working, and so off he toddled to the toilet, now as this was in the days before 'mobile toilets' were about, this one was just a hole in the ground with a wooden bar that you sit on to take a dump, well time passed and the guy that told him where the toilet was, was beginning to get concerned but he left it another half hour before he decided to investigate his disappearance, and when he got there he found the young man fishing about the bottom of the hole with a stick, so he asked what the hell he was doing and the young man explained, well I took my jacket off and hung it an the bar you sir on and it fell into the hole, well said his mate it won't be any good now its been in amongst all that crap, and the young man said, I'm not worried about the jacket its just that my sandwiches are in the pocket


Www@Enter-QA@Com

ohk this is really wird but i got it out of one of my daughters joke books

what do you give to a hurt lemon !? lemonaid
its really dumb when you think about it
and yeah thats my best jokeWww@Enter-QA@Com

Father: How are your grades, son!?
Son: Underwater, Dad!.
Father: Underwater!? What do you mean!?
Son: They're below C level!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

DOCTOR TO A MENTAL PATIENT: We are going to release you for saving your friend from drowning!. The only thing is he hung himself in the bathroom!.
PATIENT: He didn't hang himself, I left him there to dry!Www@Enter-QA@Com

y is the black sea wearing black!?


because the dead sea died Www@Enter-QA@Com

A Blonde walked into a barWww@Enter-QA@Com

Here we go!.!.!.

A kid asks his mum if he can lick the bowl!. His mum replies, "can't you just flush like other kids"!.!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com



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